Wednesday, April 18, 2018


I've got the Dr at 10.30 this morning.
I'm hoping like hell he/she can give me something to settle my stomach, maybe I do need to change my medication from Metformin to something else?

I know taking any more than what I'm used to is making me sick as.  All. Day. Long.

Thinking about it... I have felt sick EVERY SINGLE MORNING for years.  Now I'm starting to think it is the metformin!

So, I have high hopes for an amazing turn around after today!  Wishes can come true eh?

Now... on to something else... sorta.
CRANKY:  I will see if I can find that book here, no need to send me one, but thanks.  *smiles*

DIET FATIGUE.  After being on one diet after another for the past 35+ years, I do believe I am 100% OVER IT.
I think I have been on almost every diet known to man.  None have worked long term.

My ADDICTION is food.

It is very hard to give up an addiction that actually keeps you ALIVE!

I had this debate with a blogger many years ago in fact.  She was addicted to alcohol, and bemoaned how hard it was to give up.
I told her at least she could give her addiction up and still live... where as mine was IMPOSSIBLE to give up, as stopping eating would kill me!

She totally disagreed with me, said her's was the much harder addiction to give up.  After that, we stopped being blogger friends.  Funny that.

I still stand by my opinion.  I can't just stop eating and expect to live!

So... back to dieting.  I think I have totally lost the plot.  I can't even remember what it's like to eat 'properly' anymore.

I've dicked around with my diet for so long my brain just goes to mush even thinking about what to eat.  I just EAT whatever is around.

It doesn't matter if it's healthy or not... if I'm hungry I will eat.  If I'm bored I will eat.  If I'm crabby I will eat.  If I'm happy I will eat.

Food is it for me.  I wish it wasn't.  I wish it didn't rule every single day of my life.  I wish it didn't MATTER to me.

I wish my size didn't matter to me... or anyone else either!

I have this line that runs through my head all the time... 

"Shit Your'e Fat, Jesus You're Fat", said to me by a very close family member many, many years ago.  It never leaves my head.

When you have that in your head, it's very hard to break free from self loathing, feeling like the only thing that matters is how much you weigh.

I'm so fucking over it all.  How long can you hate yourself?


So... I'm sitting here... thinking.  Makeup on?  Or don't bother?
Biggest decision of the day... so far.


 ABOVE:  Yep... just like that.
Feel terrible.

I got a right talking to.  And was made to realise that if I don't start eating and exercising PROPERLY for someone with diabetes, I am going to pay for it BIG TIME in the near future.

PLEASE, no one tell me "I told you so".  

That does not, will not help me.

I HAVE to start taking this seriously.  Cos to be honest, I haven't been really.

It's not called 'The Silent Killer' for nothing.  You can't see what it's doing to you... I CAN'T SEE WHAT IT IS DOING TO ME.

NOW... I am truly scared.

The doctor wants me to go on insulin injections daily.

I'm like.... I'd rather jump off a cliff.


So.  What to do?

1.  Take more Metformin (there is no other alternative here in New Zealand).

2. Take anti nausea medication to alleviate the side effects of the Metformin.

3. Stop virtually all carb and sugar intake.

4. Get more exercise.

5. Attend the Weight Management Clinic at Waikato Hospital.

6. Get support from friends/family, LEARN TO ASK FOR SUPPORT.


If I don't turn it around myself, no one is going to do it for me.

Weight loss surgery is an option PERHAPS... but with waiting lists/my bleeding issues, it's probably never going to happen.  I can't afford to do it privately, even if I could do it safely.

So.  There it is.  Cold hard facts.


Just talked to Stew.  We are going to sit down and work out just what we can eat, how to come up with tasty meals that do not incorporate carbs or sugar.

Any ideas happily accepted.

 ABOVE:  I am so proud to be picking our own fruit today!  I've never had any success growing citrus before, and we have just grown our own  mandarins!  And I can eat the bloody things too.  *smiles*

ABOVE:  Lunch... I had two boiled eggs too, but they were still cooking when I took the photo.

I'm going to be drinking a couple of mild coffee's during the day too... to cut down on the Diet Coke.  Cos, I have to cut it out eventually, except for a glass (or two) a day, not a litre or two.

As I said, I have to turn things around.  NOW.

You got any really good, tasty, LOW CARB, NO SUGAR recipes to share... my email is :
All will be appreciated.  Some will even be used.  *lol*

I cannot reply to everyone's comments, texts, messages!  But thank you!

Right, it's been a long day here!  I'm exhausted and ready to sign off for the day.
Catch you tomorrow, where the saga continues!  lol


  1. Chris, you really poured your heart out, I feel your pain, I really do. I think you should go and talk to a counsellor, you need to love your self because you really are so,hard on yourself. My advice to you is to not even think you are going on a diet, that foods are old are bad, or that you are bad for eating them, take away the guilt and just take baby steps toward making healthier choices, just one thing st a time, one change per week, not too much pressure on your self. If you want my help and support just let me know. Change takes time, be kind to yourself. You can do it.

  2. And that is why you need to read "The Obesity Code" !!!! It will explain why you love food so much, why dieting has never worked, why you are hungry all the time, why high insulin means you'll gain weight no matter what...

    You have always gone down the path of low fat and calorie counting (WW method) and this book explains that it simply does not work... ever. Even when you lose the weight, you regain it because your body is set that way. I was just reading all this last night so it 's fresh in my mind :) You need to wade through many chapters but Dr Fung does write in a way you can understand the medical stuff. Once you understand the "why", it's easier to figure out what to do and "dieting" is not what you need to do.

    Good luck at the doctors and go and find that book. It's available on kindle at Amazon if you want to start reading today.

    1. I agree with you Lynda. At wirst its a few hours wasted reading it, at best, its an eye-opener!

  3. PS: The Obesity Code is only $US 9.50 on Amazon today, Kindle edition. The Diabetes Code is $US 9.99.

  4. Hey Chris, I've not left a comment for ages. Way back, probably more than 8 years ago I stumbled across your blog because I was looking for people who were blogging about their diet journey. I started reading Diet Coke Rocks and still do so most days.

    I quickly learned that you don't like being told what to do by your readers. Some of your readers are a bit slow to pick up on that <> and then you have the odd one that still gives you advice despite knowing you tend to march to the beat of your own drum and I smile when I see her offering you advice, full well knowing you're not likely to take it.

    You're right about food, although I would say SUGAR is an addiction. You're right that it is easier to deal with alcohol or smoking additions as it is a black and white cut the addiction whereas you've got to eat food at some point in your day.

    I hope the doctor can help you today with your medication. And I get you have diet fatigue. I get you don't want to be given tonnes of advice from well meaning blog readers too. My comment today was just a way to show that I do care about you and I am interested in what step(s) you take next to deal with your weight/health. I hope you share more of this part of your journey with us even though it's quite personal, perhaps you might blog it over on pepsi. It would make quite an interesting blog to see your thoughts change over the months... you have a lot of us supporting you and only wanting to see you feeling better both physically and mentally.

    1. Hi Mel, I'm sure I am you are meaning me regarding giving Chris advice - I'm well aware she does not like me giving advice but my God it's hard seeing her get sicker. I've stepped right back for many years now and only offer advice when other readers here suggest it first. We all have diet fatigue, heck I sure do! But, it's about knowing the cause - knowledge is power. Trying to cut back on food and diet is not the answer, especially when we are insulin resistant and over a certain age. It simply does not work.

      I also do believe that Chris is a smart lady who will take advice, maybe not from me but as I said you need to know what you are dealing with (that's why the Obesity Code is so good) in order to move forward.

    2. Hi Lynda... I just want to let you know that I think you have an absolute heart of gold. You also have shared some very valuable pearls of wisdom over the years particularly in terms of low carb living and I love how you continue to share your thoughts with Chris. I also fully agree that The Obesity code book is an absolute essential read. I've read it, and listened to the audio version multiple times myself and I've watched hours and hours of You Tube videos where Dr Fung has been interviewed. Dr Fung has revolutionised my views.

      I am on your side Lynda. I guess the danger about communicating electronically is you don't hear the speech-emphasis (internation ?) or see the facial expressions that come with a comment. We're both on the same page though ;-)

  5. This Dr Fung whom a few people have mentioned to you is all over you tube by the way. He speaks a lot of wisdom.

  6. It’s not about your weight , it’s about your health and being as well as you can to enjoy your life and family . Lose the weight and regain your health and well being. Do it to feel good .

  7. I totally agree with you that overeating is an addiction. You're so right that it's an incredibly hard addiction to break because you have to eat, whereas alcoholics and smokers (for instance) can stay away from the substance they're addicted to. I was a heavy smoker at one time and gained a lot of weight when I quit. I can tell you from personal experience that quitting smoking was much, much easier than losing the weight. I was finally successful with losing the weight by cutting portions and staying almost completely away from restaurant food, all desserts, and soft drinks (including diet).

  8. Hi Chris, I feel for you too. I knew this post would attract a lot of comments and I don't have any advice, just sending love and support across the ditch!! Christy xxx

  9. I guess I am one of the people that Mel is referring to above. I have known you for over 10 years now and was on that same struggle as you for most of it. Addicted to sugar, carbs and diet coke. I started to gradually make changes after I read "The Obesity Code" after my Dad died, because I realised that I was heading down the same path as him. Let me tell you, that book is confronting and there were many many tears reading it. I felt I had been lied to by dieticians, WW, Drs and the government (because of the food pyramid and all the education we got at school and in the media).

    You don't have to give up food. But the food you are eating isn't keeping you alive: it is killing you. There is no other way of putting it. I know you love DC and so did I, giving it up made me very sad because I loved it and looked forward to the times of the day where I could stop and drink it. I thought that was so lame but if you look at the science behind it and sugar you realise that that is exactly how it is designed.

    Your "failure" at dieting is NOT. YOUR. FAULT.

    You are so lucky that you are a good cook, and you eat meat. Eating LCHF will be SO much easier for you than it is for me, as a vegetarian (who tried for two years to start eating meat again and failed!).

    I would be really interested in reading your reasons why you are so determined to not even try LCHF when so many of your friends who have been on this journey with you for years have had such success with it.

    As for buying The Diabetes Code in NZ, you won't find it in shops. Your fastest way of getting it is via Kindle as Lynda said or ordering a physical copy off book depository.


  10. Anonymous10:41 AM

    Get treatment for your addiction by gong to over eaters anon. If you have tried everything and nothing works then seek the correct treatment? You may surprise yourself at how effective it is.

  11. I have a very close friend who is an alcoholic, her husband has stuck by her but she has lost her two children and 3 grandchildren. She is the most beautiful caring person I know, however, this addiction is something else, it is a severe illness, it is not a matter of "staying away from alcohol". The only thing I will say Chris about your diet woes is "think of your health". My brother-in-law has lost six toes with diabetes and he told me the morbidity rate after losing toes is 5 years, he has serious health issues but let it go too far. Doctors can only do so much, it is up to the individual in the end.

    1. I was in no way trying to say alcoholism was not a serious illness/addiction.... just that so is having a life long weight problem.

    2. They are as deadly as each other IMO

    3. No I know Chris, I just see my friend doesn't appear to have a choice, she is so ill with serious health problems but this dreaded illness she has totally rules her life. I wish you a happy healthy life, I see you had a great time with your walking and it contributed to your health as well, I find it very good for mental health as well. I don't want to tell you what to do but for me walking/exercise makes me feel much better about myself.

  12. Anonymous11:03 AM


    Maybe join Jenny Craig for a couple of months to get a kick start, like your friends who did so well on the program? then you can think about how your want to continue your weight loss journey, having a serous health condition looming can also be an incentive. I find it very hard to lose weight also, and found that a fast kick start really got me going and I lost 14 kilos in 4 months. My health improved and I no longer had aching legs after my nursing shift..


  13. I hope the Dr was helpful and I am sure that once you get your meds under control & stop feeling ill it will help you feel more positive, there is nothing worse than feeling sick or yucky all the time.

    I think I might give that Obesity Code book a read.

  14. Hi Chris, I feel the same as you and last month had gastric sleeve surgery. Drastic choice but good results so far. All the best with your weight loss and hope you feel better soon. Jess in Adelaide, South Australi

  15. I know you're being flooded with advice and comments, but I just wanted to say, I'm with Magpie. Diets fail 95% of people. You are not the failure. The diet fails. It's probably too late, but ask your Dr if she knows of any non-diet dieticians. They practice Health At Every Size, and it's about listening to your body, moving more, and just making small changes. They will obviously also work with diabetes and how to best manage it. But they will never tell you how to eat, what to eat, when to eat or put you on a diet. Therapy also helps with the reasons WHY you are turning to food, although many dieticians are trained counsellors and can work across both fields. Just remember, being fat is not bad and plenty of fat people are healthy. I hope you work out why you've been feeling so sick and get your medication worked out, and then have some luck finding your happy place in the world where food is just food.

  16. Barbara Anne12:45 PM

    My sweet AMIL (Angel MIL) dieted so often she said she'd "lost herself" at least 5 times in her life. What finally worked for her for the last 20 years of her life was to eat a bit less and move a bit more every day. She was a wonderful cook but chose in those later years to learn to quilt rather than to spend so much time in the kitchen. Her "go to" beverage of choice became water with lemon in it.

    Wishing you well.

  17. No one is going to say "I told you so".. No one. End of.

    Now - going forward. The weight management place will offer a low calorie, low fat diet and that is exactly what has FAILED you all of your life. Buy the Obesity Code on Kindle and read it with Stew. Don't worry about making different food for the kids - they can eat what you do, our grandkids do. If they want other stuff they can have it too but good food is now a necessity, not a choice. Read labels. Go to and read up on it all. Jason Fung is featured heavily on that site and for only a minimal charge you can also get to watch all the movies relating to this. Educate yourself.

    Find foods you love but make them the low carb way (literally thousands of websites for that). Heck, I'm chowing down on a bowl of Italian meatballs as I type - all low carb and delicious, just with no pasta. I find cauliflower cheese to be a great alternative to potato or pasta, just don't thicken with flour - I just use full cream and cheese heated and poured over...delicious.

    As has been said you can cook well - you have the time and you certainly have the intelligence to learn a new way. One final thing - if you read The Obesity Code (or any other low carb book) you will see that insulin is the fat storage hormone. Not only does it store fat but because you are insulin resistant (as am I) the insulin makes you hungry. It's your body's way of saying there is not enough glucose in the cells (due to insulin resistance) and your brain says feed me!! Once you go low carb this will stop. OK enough of me but hey, you did ask and I really, really want you to get well. Diabetes is a silent killer - I watched it silently kill my grandmother and believe me, it wasn't good at all. Please feel free to ask me anything, I seriously want to help and want to to win this battle x

  18. The thought of the daily injections just might be the thing to kick start the healthy eating plan. I know you and Stew will figure this out and do what is right for both of you. Do you have any sports centers there with an indoor walking/running track? Just trying to thing of how you can get back to your walking, which you seemed to enjoy, and get out of the heat at the same time. I'm wishing you all the success in the world, whichever way you decide to attack this.

  19. Anonymous1:20 PM

    HI Chris, I am a type1 diabetic so i dont have any choice but to inject myself. However im not a massive fan of needles so i dont like to do it. I to have an addiction to food I am sure and that is the hardest thing ive had to adjust too. I have found some ways to still enjoy the foods I love but that are better for me (my slow cooker has become my best friend!). Im happy for you to email me and discuss if that would be of any help for you? Tania

  20. Why don't you google Dr Jason Fung and start your journey with him and his PROVEN methods? Start by sitting down and watching his YouTube clips. Visit his website. Order the book on Kindle/Apple Books and put everything down TODAY and READ, Chris, please.
    What is the reluctance? I don't understand it at all, especially with the Drs visit!

    1. I AM NO LONGER 'RELUCTANT' Cranky. I am just pissed off that I have to change... I'm a stubborn bitch. You must know that!

    2. Change or have limbs amputated or die. What would you prefer?
      Sorry you're pissed off but you have a choice.
      I didn't want to change either. I was angry for a long time. A LONG time. But once I let go of that anger I could do it.

    3. CRANKY.... Facebook ...instant message.

    4. You can do this Chris :o)
      Why don’t you get B & G to each google a LCHF version of their current favourite meal?
      Take a look at
      He was on the Aussie My Kitchen Rules awhile back.
      His recipes cover a range of eating ways ( like dairy free etc) and I’ve been super impressed with how encouraging he is on instagram.

      Cranky & Lynda make a darn good cheer squad - their support for you has never waivered over the years

      Oh one other thing...have a look around Hamilton/Cambridge to see if anyone does therapy for behaviour issues (food addictions). They may be able to offer ways to cope with triggers etc


    There's a start.

  22. Anonymous2:19 PM

    Chris!!! Sorry your health is all such a mess. I second & third who ever suggested counselling - I truly believe that dealing with your self loathing will help. Am happy to share recipes with you!!!!

  23. Oh Chris. You always seem so confident and full of life. I had no idea you had these thoughts :( I hope you find a solution butcI KNOW you are strong and have the support of Stew. You ARE going to conquer this.

  24. Anonymous2:42 PM

    I really hope that you can change Chris but changing 59 years of habit is hard for any one. My daughter is struggling with her sugar at the moment, her morning reading is supposed to be below 5 from overnight fasting. Type 2 and test 4 times a day one week to insulin 4 times a day the next week. Hopefully her will change after August.
    Has your Dr suggested home testing for you ? It seems to be the first step in Australia

  25. I adore my Diet Coke too, and I know getting rid of it is a great help!!.... it definitely reduces sugar cravings not to drink diet drinks!!! Christy

  26. Anonymous3:37 PM

    I'm so sorry to read this Chris. I have been following you for years now and I can feel your pain. I too have been struggling for a long while now and I never out myself first. Always looked out for other people before myself etc.
    I don't know if you have heard of the F45 gyms? It's a cult following over here in Australia. I'm not confident enough to do the gym part of it yet BUT I followed the 8 week challenge and lost 6.5 kilos. It basically sets your body up to A) loose the weight b) make your body adjust to a more healthier way of eating c) weans you off caffeine and sugar gradually and d) makes it easier to maintain a balanced diet after the 8 weeks is up.

    I have never been able to follow any type of diet plan in my life but this is actually do-able and I feel in control of my life again.

    Sorry if I came across as a know it all or anything, please feel free to email me if you want me to send you a sample of the next weeks menu and shopping list as the next 8 week challenge starts on Monday.
    You are such a lovely lady with an enormous heart and now it's time to start putting yourself first.
    Sending you so much love from the other side of the ditch xx

  27. Keto Clarity by Jimmy Moore and Dr Eric Westman is also a good interesting read. Dr Westman features on some of the Diet Doctor videos. Diet is well worth the few dollars a month, to access all their videos, and their success stories are motivating too. Also, their recipes are awesome. Try the keto hamburgers with creamy tomato sauce. Oh yum. X

  28. Anonymous4:06 PM

    I thought you were drinking Soda Stream water with lemon added - wasn't that supposed to replace the diet coke? Not drinking diet coke surely would help cut down the craving for sweet drinks? Audrey

  29. Anonymous5:03 PM


    To make things less complicated you could just use Lynda's food plans and recipes. Having read her blog for years as well I can see that she has made it easy and was losing weight initially to make sure she didn't get diabetes and it worked and she has managed to keep the weight off all these years. I don't like to eat meat and chicken much these days so the I would struggle on that diet, but I certainly could do with more vegetables etc and cutting down on all white things such as white bread white rice they are turned into glucose as soon as they are processed by the body. People with diabetes who have gastric banding seem to be cured from the diabetes with that operation. I guess it is the very low calories that are consumed after the operation. I find the less I think about food and recipes when I am trying to lose weight the better I do. I just count the calories and try to stick to around 1250-1300 and the weight falls off.{when I manage to do it for an extended period of time} lol

    Take care


  30. There are diet plans that you can follow on diet doctor.

    1. Diet doctor rocks!! Could be your new blog name Chris :) seriously everything you need is there.

  31. Between you and Stew you can do this Chris.

  32. Me too Chris. My levels are sky high and I have too much glucose I'm my urine which is dangerous. I'm on glycamide or something because metformin is absolutely gross to me. My np is way high too. I put it down to too much stress lately and I eat whatever when I'm that stressed. I'm really bucking down so if you want to share any ideas you get. Also there's a diabetes book out by the four ingredients people. I'll send you the name of it. Upward and onward ah.

  33. A family membeer just came to a similar conclusion after doctor told him hba1c is too high and if he doesn't get it down, he'll go on Metformin (this has been a the cards for a while). We have a T1D son so are very aware of carbs (but with German background our cooking is still very carb heavy). He will eat a lot of what we eat but is substituting pasta or rice with cooked vegetables instead, so might have butterchicken sauce over stirfry vegetables instead of rice. Cuts down on having to cook separate meals - just in case this helps for your household?

  34. Anonymous6:47 PM

    I'm so sorry you're feeling so trapped and shattered. If it helps, I've been there too and it truly is horrible. I hate how it's so easy to lose our way when it comes to food and health and true self-care. You asked for some suggestions. Well, can I suggest you investigate Joe Wicks? He's known as The Body Coach, you can find him on Facebook, and he really is wonderful. You don't need to sign up to his program, you can work with his philosophy via his 3 books: Lean in 15 Shift/Shape/Sustain. Basically, you work out for 15 mins 4 times a week, at your own level of intensity, and you eat really great food that is quick and easy to prepare. He has a couple of dvds with his workouts on them so you can follow along easily. Best of all, you don't go anywhere near the scales. He calls them the sad step and doesn't like the obsession with numbers on the scale. I'm doing this now and it's making such a big difference to my life. Best of all, you'll be able to get off the horrible drugs and find your way back to feeling well. Whatever you choose, I wish you all the very best in the world. Karen in Sydney.

  35. Good luck Chris and let us know what you're doing - as I know you will!!!
    Very interesting comments.

  36. Big hugs to you today you battle daily I know sometimes every hour you battle, when walking and biking your outlook was brighter and uplifted the way back there starts as a first step forward we all of us silently battle along with you for you BUT never against you our words are borne out of love concern and well meaning, You are a mother wife sister aunty nana YOUR future is laid out before you whether you choose to participate starts and ends with the face you see in the mirror. Xx

  37. I don't comment anywhere near enough Chris but I read your blog every day. This post has really struck a chord with me. I have been yoyo dieting for years and although I am not where you are with your health, I could be any time. There is some amazing advice on here and a lot I have taken on board and will be looking into myself. Just know you have a huge amount of support. I thought you started a facebook group about weight loss once? I could be wrong but if you did maybe go back to writing in there or start a group support page? I agree with everything Lynda and Cranky have said about ww and 'dieting' not working. Time to change things up and reading up on the information they have provided is a great start. We can do this together Chris xx
    Tina from Adelaide in case this comes us as anonymous.

  38. Wishing you well. Do take care.

  39. Patricia from Canada6:13 AM

    I read your blog almost every day, however, never comment, until today. I am not trying to scare you, but you must take responsibility of your health issues now, get all the help you can from who ever will give it to you, and wherever you can get it. My late husband was diabetic for many years, in the early stages he paid no attention to the Dr's orders, he started taking meds, then meds with diet, then additional meds with diet, then injections with meds and diet and then diet and four injections a day. Then he had several heart attacks and triple bypass surgery. I am not saying diabetes was the cause of his heart issues but I truly believe it was a big factor. He had infections, one in his foot, it was saved, however, I suspect the infection travelled up to his hip............he has been gone now for 7 1/2 years........ Please, if not for your sake, for your family, your husband, you are still a young beautiful lady, eat the right foods in the proper proportions and exercise. I know it can be difficult, but at this point in time you can do it, have faith in yourself. I will be watching your progress. Good luck.

  40. Chris...... HUGS... there is a lot of wonderful support and advice in the comments here and just think of how loved you are. I understand the struggle and being pissed off. I am struggling at the moment too and everyone at work is doing the Keto and having great results. I know I am about 20 minutes away but if you ever want to organise a walk in the weekends feel free to come and go with me.

    1. Thanks Mandy, I might just take you up on that! Stew and I just said it would be nice to walk around the lake, would you and the hubby be keen to join us one day?

  41. I get all my recipes on Pinterest. Just put in low carb, paleo, whole 30, any of those and you'll get tons of great recipes.


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