It is weigh in at the Doctor's this morning.. and it's the end of his 'study' so it's the final weigh in. AND I know I am probably 1-2 kilos HEAVIER than when I started!
I don't want to go.
I don't want him to be disappointed in me... I am disappointed enough for both of us.
Stew has done well though...
So maybe I'll put my head in the sand and not go.
And wonder what I will do next? I am MAINTAINING my current weight, that is not a problem... but I am still way over my goal weight, and it gets me so down. I think about it EVERY SINGLE DAY CONSTANTLY... and hate myself. SO MUCH.
I try keeping myself busy.... you KNOW I DO! But I have to sit down eventually... and I have to eat EVENTUALLY... otherwise I'd kinda die eh? But I eat too much, the STOP button seems to have been misplaced. Why is my life so bloody up and down? Why can't I stop using food as a way to cope with shit? My Doctor hasn't been able to address that one... and he thought he could. Pfffffft.
I have to work it out for myself I know.
Sorry for such a depressing post.... but sometimes I just feel... DEPRESSED! LOL
Maybe the day will get better?
I could go shopping!
I could sew!
I could do anything I want really.
ONWARD.....
I didn't go. Stew did. When he got home we decided to have a day trip on the trains...
So we caught a train into the heart of the city.. and had lunch in Queen Street, then caught another train out WEST... and had afternoon tea at LynMall... then caught the train back into the city...
Waiting for our train at Britomart....
I don't want to go.
I don't want him to be disappointed in me... I am disappointed enough for both of us.
Stew has done well though...
So maybe I'll put my head in the sand and not go.And wonder what I will do next? I am MAINTAINING my current weight, that is not a problem... but I am still way over my goal weight, and it gets me so down. I think about it EVERY SINGLE DAY CONSTANTLY... and hate myself. SO MUCH.
I try keeping myself busy.... you KNOW I DO! But I have to sit down eventually... and I have to eat EVENTUALLY... otherwise I'd kinda die eh? But I eat too much, the STOP button seems to have been misplaced. Why is my life so bloody up and down? Why can't I stop using food as a way to cope with shit? My Doctor hasn't been able to address that one... and he thought he could. Pfffffft.
I have to work it out for myself I know.
Sorry for such a depressing post.... but sometimes I just feel... DEPRESSED! LOL
Maybe the day will get better?
I could go shopping!
I could sew!
I could do anything I want really.
ONWARD.....
I didn't go. Stew did. When he got home we decided to have a day trip on the trains... So we caught a train into the heart of the city.. and had lunch in Queen Street, then caught another train out WEST... and had afternoon tea at LynMall... then caught the train back into the city...Waiting for our train at Britomart....Heading home..... it was a lovely day. I didn't spend a cent! SHEESH, I must be down.
ABOVE: I saw this gorgeous dress at Smith & Caughey... but of course it would never fit me right now... and it no doubt cost an arm and a leg and half me left tit too! *sigh*... I left it there.
Home now and dinner is in the roasting dish, lamb chops and veges in a mint sauce... nice one.
End of Day: in all a decent day... and dinner was lovely. Ya can't go wrong with lamb chops and mint sauce! nite nite.
Diets are so hard! I've been on a diabetic diet through two pregnancies now and I've found myself more and more this time falling off the wagon for lattes and hot fudge sundaes. I just wake up everyday thinking this is a NEW day!!! So for the past week I'm doing alright. Like you holding my weight but also had gained water weight which the obgyn wanted gone by this Monday. Hasn't happened yet. Perhaps post baby I can get some of it off.
ReplyDeleteChris, honey - you are entitled to have a bad moment! You are a human being! So go ahead and kick the trash or cuss the scales and have a little temper tantrum! Even grab a bowel of ice cream if you want ! THEN - put on your "big girl" panties and lay out a different battle plan! You certainly are NOT the only person dealing with this challenge, but you are so smart to DEAL with it and not just surrend to it, because it is like a cancer and can eat you alive - leaving heart ache and pain behind it.
ReplyDeleteWe are all so different , but we have that common thread of being human that runs between us. What works for one might not work for the other - But - in my personal fight - I have found two key ingredients that work in my case. Number one you are already doing - Exercise and Number 2 is the Kinds of food you eat. It is amazing what our food industry has done to our foods that cause us to pack on weight. Some even put chemicals in the foods to make us want to eat more of them! (Dirty dogs!) I have found there are certain foods that I can eat all I want and not add weight and there are foods that you can eat that will fill you up and keep you full longer(be sure to eat a variety) - plus giving you energy to persue things that you want to tackle and being busy helps me do the things I love and makes me feel better about myself. It is a great big world out there and it is so hard to gain the knowledge that I need to fight the battles that I want to win. I win some and lose a lot, but I am still kicking -be that a good thing or a bad thing. ~smile~
Don't be so hard on yourself. You have been doing a great job, and we all have weeks that don't go well. Just keep on plugging!
ReplyDeleteMicki
Most of us are in a similar place to you. No easy answer, all I can say it's so easy watching those scales going up - bloody hard to see them come down!
ReplyDeleteThink of summer ahead, it's got to get easier!
Just a thought - what helped you the first time around in your weight loss?? You did so well, maybe try and think back what you ate then and whaat you did that could help this time around? Or though if you are like me, at some stage you just think - enough of that!
ReplyDeleteChris, Of all the people I know,those I love, those I like and those I like less, what I think of any of those people is not at all related to what their weight is. From where I sit, you are a woman of remarkable talents,
ReplyDeletesalient passion, and incredible depth. You describe yourself as grumpy, and we all are at times, but you are a people person with an abiding kindness. I'm not saying our weight is something to ignore, but it is certainly not the centerpiece of who we are. Once you get through the mad, cut your super-self a wee slack.
oh my friend. You must give up the diet coke. You will probably drop 10 pounds very quickly. Clean filtered water. Eat meat, eat good fat, real butter not margarine. The other thing to remember is that fat weighs less than muscle and you are working out!!
ReplyDeleteGet rid of the chemicals. You wouldn't go to the store isle where the garden sprays are and eat that stuff. Chemicals in our food are just as bad. They make you sick, and they keep you fat.
Instead enjoy a glass of good red wine, or a good dark beer. That is healthy.
I love this post by the way, the illustrations are priceless you little birdie you.
Don't keep your head in the sand too long. I have been maintaining my highest weight for 2 freaking years now and I know how frustrating it is to want to lose it so bad. Keep trying and keep the faith that you'll get there, eventually.
ReplyDeleteHave a great weekend!
Oh Chris, I'm sorry you are so down on yourself. Most of us struggle with our weight and I've certainly been on the roller coaster more than a few times.
ReplyDeleteHang in there and just take it one day at a time.... and know we are all cheering you on.
xo
I totally understand how you feel... it is SO frustrating! Sometimes I think the best idea is to ignore the "number" and just focus on being healthy and making the best food choices possible in any given situation. Maybe if you get fish & chips on a Friday night, go for the grilled fish and not the battered kinda thing.
ReplyDeleteLife has to go on... and it's up to us to enjoy it the best we can... xxx
Aw Chris, I so know how you feel. I don't have any advice, because I'm struggling with the same problem. I do really well, and then I overeat. I never seem to keep it up long enough to lose.
ReplyDeleteBig hugs to you. I know we will both be slim one day.
Hi tart, Tim and I went fishing today, Tim caught a fish then the rest was all seaweed, but we took the fish home and smoked it,ow and i do not have a phone any more...i seem to break them lol.
ReplyDeleteLove Lacy & Tim oxoxoxo Biarch lol
I think everyone gets the blues now and again.
ReplyDeleteThe DOctor needs to know the results of his study. I think you should go!
I've been trying to keep my spending to a minimum too.
HUGS... I so understand but i finaly gave up and decided i will just be fat...its not worth the self beating anymore... I love you just as you are and wish I could hug you in person!
ReplyDeleteYou know, somehow I think the crux of almost every overweight person is that they eat for comfort. Food becomes the reason for being.
ReplyDeleteI could offer a couple of suggestions, but being a chocoholic myself I am the last one qualified to offer advise.
Perhaps the main thing is eat a healthy filling breakfast, half a sandwich about eleven, the other half about two, fruit and yogurt about 4 and a good dinner of meat, vege or salad at half six, and drink lots of water.
Do you know something else that may work is using a bread and butter plate instead of dinner plate.
Worth a try. Allow one day a week as "no diet" day. You are using the gym (which only tones, but does not lose weight) and doing plenty of exercise like walking the kids too and from school, so maybe join a low impact aerobics class one or two days a week to supplement, and then on Sunday, while not going over the top, allow yourself your treats.
Don't diet, just change your lifestyle. You will eventually find what works for you. And above all else, DO NOT lose your self esteem. Hating yourself because you are fat and lack self control is the most dangerous thing of all. Love yourself for who you are not what you look like and you are halfway home.
Good luck my friend, it's a battle only you can fight, but one you CAN win!
xx
That's a beautiful dress..... You should get some fabric and sew something like that! With the thin stripes, I think it would be really flattering. If I had the energy/time/inclination... I would try to whip up something like that myself on my machine. If I could find it under all the crap!
ReplyDeleteps: Hope you're feeling better.
*hugs mate* your words have such truth to them. I can completely relate to the obsessing thoughts everyday. Good on you for going out and not hiding at home. Nothing like a nice lamb to make one feel better ;)
ReplyDeleteSorry you're so down & having a shitty day. (((Hugs))) Sorry no wise words here. Luck.
ReplyDeleteso, you said Stew went to the doc, but you didn't say how he did! Looks like you wound up having an exceptional day after all.
ReplyDeleteI too am an emotional eater so I can empathize all the way!