Wednesday, November 26, 2008

STILL THINKING......

You think of all the different things in one's life that you are not happy about and are making you so unhappy... but underneath all that is (in my case) one BIG thing that is making me MISERABLE... and that is...

and it doesn't take a Rocket Scientist to work it out.....

.... ......
............MY WEIGHT.

If I could get back into the right frame of mind to lose some weight and feel good about myself again, I am sure everything else that has been getting me down will become more 'manageable' ...

OK ... I know I have a wonderful husband, family, home... bla bla bla... but you can be living in a bloody castle with pots of money and still be MISERABLE.

I will not apologise for still feeling miserable.... cos it is my life... most of you have no idea what my life has been like up till now or in the past... that can and does affect how I feel about 'stuff' in the here and now.
I had a crap first marriage, I walked out with 4 very young children....
Stew and I have struggled almost all of our marriage to keep our heads above water financially....
I have lost both my brothers in seperate car accidents, my Dad drowned, my Mum had to suffer through cancer and now lives overseas, as does my one and only sister.... so sometimes I feel very alone, even though I have a loving husband and 6 + 2 wonderful kids!

For better or worse we are here now, there is NO going back... and I am sure once I get a handle on my own miserable self again all will become better... for all of us here in Diet Coke Rocks home.

So Yeah.... I am still thinking...... and I am NOT looking for sympathy either... I really don't want it.. I don't need it.... I just wanted to explain where I am coming from.

HOW COME??? You don't see anyone but family for literally weeks on end, and today? I get not one, but THREE visitors?
Firstly, Griffin and I were supposed to go to see a Child Psychotherapist this morning, but she came here instead, then my Aunt turned up.... and now I am getting a visit from Sandi Bee! Talk about nice! I have been yakking all morning... I like yakking!

So, it's been a busy day so far.... and obviously, I love to be busy.

AND... I have found out that the local pool has an Aqua Jogging class at 10 am on a Thursday.... so guess where I will be tomorrow morning? yaaaaa! Chubby bum and all.

JOANNE: Yes! I wonder all the time "why do people read my blog".... I JUST DON'T GET IT! Surely you don't want or need to know what I bought at the mall, how crabby I feel today, what I plan to do tomorrow!!!! *shaking my head*.......but then, I read others blogs and love them.... so maybe we are all just nosey tarts! ha ha ha.

4pm: and I'm stressing.... I have not posted a photo today! And let me tell you all... this is one of the most stupid things that nags at me every day! WHAT CAN I PUT ON THE BLOG TODAY (as in a photo?)... and I stress about it! DERRRR.... but no more! If I don't have something really INTERESTING to photograph, then you buggers simply don't get one! One less thing to stress about... so there!

I've had the lovely Sandie out here for the afternoon, she is so nice to come visit me after my 'pity party of one'! lol

End of Day: BUGGER DAMN AND BLAST... was watching Flashpoint on the telly and forgot to check my bid on Trademe ... and missed out on the bloody door knocker I wanted by $1 ! NOT HAPPY JAN. nite nite.

32 comments:

  1. No, Chris. I'm not going to do the sympathy thing. I just heard your last post so loud and clear that I took the day off to pray about it yesterday. I didn't want to just spout something off the top of my head without REALLY praying for you.

    But I know somehow things will be ok. I hope you do not think I am minimizing your dilemma to also bring up that hormones may be different now as well as the weight issue... hysterectomy and all.

    I know there are HUGE pluses and minuses with each move as well. And Christmas is coming up, which always shakes up things.

    Chris, just praying God gives you comfort even in those things you can't blog about. Um, and you blog about just about everything. :]

    Hugs.

    I am very grateful to God that you were spared to us after you were so close to dying this year. You are very special and make the internet a brighter place.

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  2. Keep that fighting attitude, Chris!

    Don't know where you are in your faith, but I sincerely believe that I am where I am supposed be right this minute because of God's plan. It took me forever to swallow this, but it's not about me....it's about what he wants me to be. Make any sense, or do you think I'm full of sh_t?

    Keep thinking and writing about it.

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  3. Thanks for this. It is important to frame it for your readers.
    I love your honesty!

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  4. Well, I'm sorry, but I'm sympathetic. It's what I do. :)

    ((((Chris)))))

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  5. Chris-

    Will you take honest caring? I know that I have never met you in "real" life but I feel as though I know you from your blogs. I care and hope that the spiral which is currently going down reverses soon and takes you back to the top.

    God Bless.

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  6. Anonymous8:26 AM

    No sympathy! Just a I know what you are talking about!

    Weight... AAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!!!

    So. I'm fat. And I'm procrastinating. Thanksgiving is in TWO days. So, I'll be fatter in three days. It's true.

    I bought a scale last week. I haven't had one in years. It is one of those ones that tells you what your fat percentage is. Gulp. Suffice it to say, I'm a whale.

    My daughter is on the internet looking for tips to make herself look older. Can you imagine? I want to kick her ***.

    Christmas party season is just about here. A few years back we went to my husband's work party that was held at a very fancy resort hotel. I was very careful with my make-up and hair and was quite pleased with my new outfit. The bottoms look like a long flowing skirt when you stand still but it is really pants. I was feeling really good about how I looked... you know how when you know you look really good and you are really happy about it? Well, we were walking up a large stairway and the pants caught in my shoe and when I stepped back down it pulled those pants right off my butt... right there in front of everyone below me. I then walked around the rest of the night holding onto them at the waist. It sucked.

    Have you ever worn a bra that is too small and ended up with the quad boob look? uhhh, no? Me neither then.

    Did I make you laugh? If the answer is no... you should lie to me and tell me yes.

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  7. Yep I know that place - Ive been there - when you are unhappy with yourself and your body its so difficult to feel happy about the other aspects of your life. Unfortunately for most of us there has to be that MOMENT when you suddenly decide to take back control and change it but Ive never been able to find out how to get it here quicker. I do think though that youre sounding like you might be pretty close to it. Take care Z xx

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  8. Anonymous9:21 AM

    Phew, pleased to see you're back. No sympathy from me then. Kick butt and make that quilt girl! Did you manage to find a big banana for my friend??
    I'm springcleaning my house and buying bits and pieces of new furniture for my lounge. It's part of my cheer up and spoil me campaign but not with food!!! And hopefully this weekend I can SEW, SEW, SEW.. Going to enter another challenge next year for a show in France. You could do art quilts Chris.. you are so talented. Get your tools out and take your frustration out on a quilt or art work!!! tc

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  9. Anonymous9:29 AM

    I know you're not LOOKING for sympathy but we all love you and want you to be happy...

    I know what you mean about the weight. I think once you make a plan about dealing with it you will start to get better...

    x

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  10. Yep...the "stuff from the past" is a biggie!! Take your time, sort out your feelings, it will all "click" into place again and you will be fine!! I think you are doing well ya tart!!

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  11. You dont need to explain, I guess you think some people say " oh look at her, with her lovely home and great family, what does she have to moan about" but seriously as you say money and material things dont bring happiness, I think you have to work hard at getting a balance,I know what I am talking about here, when I separated, I threw away a very secure future financially, money was no object,( love and happiness was) now I have had to start over again, remorgageing to pay ex out, crippling myself with debt,for nearly 2 years I have been sick and miserable, but you know the defining moment was when my lovely youngest son commented " Mum, "I thought it was just Dad who was making you miserable, so why are you now.." I know the exact minute when I turned off the tears and tried my hardest to smile, and then little by little it has come right, and hopefully I'll get to good health again after the surgery tomorrow. There are no fast fixes, maybe you should talk to the Dr, see maybe if you are a little bit depressed, and no one could blame you cos of all the upheavel. I just wish you the best, you come across as a great crack ( Irish for someone who has a great personality etc).

    PS feel free to bin this comment if you want, it's pretty longwinded eh??

    Cheers

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  12. Sometimes you just gotta say life sucks. And sometimes it does. I feel ya. I definitely KNOW what you're saying about the weight loss issues. I've finally gotten to a place in my life where I've quit stressing about it. Believe it's not easy to do, especially when everyone is telling you that you should. Whatever you do Chris, it will be the right decision for YOU. Wanna come over here and get hammered? I make a damn mean martini!

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  13. Yep I know how you feel, trying to maintain a happy facade when you just feel miserable. I obviously have no great words of wisdom, otherwise I wouldn't be in the same position myself.

    Thinking of you though. :-)

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  14. I know you don't want sympathy, but it seems you have had a lot of sadness in your life and it's hard not to want to offer sympathy! In any case, I think on some level we all feel like losing weight will solve all of our frustrations. And while it may help us feel better in many ways, it doesn't do a thing for others. Just my 2 cents. Hang in there Mamma!

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  15. Hey Lovely

    I have been thinking about you the last couple of days.

    After reading todays post, have you thought about moving closer to your mum and sister? I realise another move may be to soon but it may be a great change to your family and you sound like you need to reconnect with your mum and siter.

    Stew may actually find some great work over here too.

    Kim xoxoxox

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  16. my email during the day at the moment is kim.williams@jcu.edu.au

    shoot me an email anytime you want to have a chat

    xoxo Kim

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  17. Big Hugs, Chris. That is all from me - no judging, no criticism, no 'helpful advice'. Just hugs. :-)

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  18. Yep you have had some crap things happen to you in your life.....and I bet you have had some pretty wonderful things happen in your life too. Lets make a list of those now to balance out that horrible list.
    Love reading your blog Chris and so do countless other people. Wonder why? Have you ever thought 'why do all these people want to read about my life?'
    Have a think. Could it be that you are just like diet coke and YOU ROCK?
    Joanne.

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  19. Know the place you're at. Know what you are going through. Know you'll get through it.

    One thing I will say though. It's not just about why people read your blog. It's because you read their's too. You're supportive, you leave comments, you let people know someone took an interest because as you know -all us tarts like getting comments.

    I figure there's a lot of give and take there.

    See you on the other side .....

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  20. I am so happy! My computer broke and I couldn't find your blog cause I lost all my links and finally I found it again!! I have to read back to catch up but just wanted you to know someone was out there thinking of you! Enjoy your aqua jogging. And btw, I like to read your blog cause it's nice to know that we all deal with and struggle with and celebrate the same things in life.
    Big hugs

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  21. I'm right along there with you Chris. My weight nags at me constantly, but what do I do every time I walk through the kitchen? Grab a handful of peanut butter M&Ms my friend brought over to help with the "pain" from the 3 Day walk. Yup, I walk 60 miles in 3 days, train for months and months before that, and do you think I loose one stinking pound? Nope.

    Just like Coffee Bean said,"I'm fat,and I'll be fatter in 3 days" after I stuff myself with a Thanksgiving feast.

    Oh well, such is life...I just get so tired sometimes of fighting it. I may as well give into a couple of pieces of chocolate once in a while...

    Keep your chin up, and know that we all think you are beautiful, no matter what size you are!

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  22. Anonymous3:59 PM

    Sending you lots of hugs Chris, i know excatly what you are going through i had the same thing when i moved from Ireland to Aus. I had finsihed ww just a few months before i moved and i was at goal weight and feeling fantastic,but then i moved and had no friends or family near by (my choice i know) but suddenly none of it was easy anymore. I gained weight, i hated my job to the point i would come home and cry after each shift. I stuck at it though and forced myself to do things i wasn't comfortable with, eventually i made new friends who have become my family over here. Weight still sails up and down but i've come to accept that thats life, so long as i'm healthy it's ok and eventually a new door opened and i got a job that i loved so no more tears.

    A good site on savings tips for Aus and NZ is simplesavings.com.au there's a small joining fee but you soon earn it back in savings you make elsewhere, plus there is a forum of lovely people who have regular catch ups. It may be worth a look.....

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  23. We love reading your blog Chris cause you Rock, we love you and we can so relate to you and what your going through.

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  24. If ya want someone to yak with I'm pretty much free from this Friday till the middle of February! =]

    {{{H U G S}}}

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  25. Sorry about your weight problem. Sometimes I wonder why God didn't just make us all perfect. Life sure would be easier.

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  26. Post a photo of ya chubby bum tomorrow!!!! **pissingmyselflaughing**
    On a serious note (no I don't want a picture of ya bum!!) I am in the same boat as you at the moment .... I have a great family, great job and friends but am miserable. I cried at lunch to my husband and Dad about my weight. I don't get down often .... but at the moment I can't seem to get the scales moving in the right direction!! ..... and it's getting to me!!! Big time!!
    Chin up .... you've done it before (we both have!!) and you'll do it again .... stop stressing and it will happen!!!
    ((hugs))
    XOXOXOXO

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  27. Just Hugs Chris from me and hopefully some ginger crunch when you come down. Not to sabotage your weight loss but to share something special with a friend :-)
    After all you can't bloody get it up there anyway ROFL

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  28. Hey don't forget I visited you too for a pity party!! I hope things are better :)

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  29. Chris, in so many ways i'm sure there are people around that do "get it" in regards to what you're going through at the moment! I know I do and it's part of the reason i've been more absent from blogging lately.

    Thank you for telling us - that's the thing about blogging, when you're such a happy go lucky person you start to put out what you think everyone expects from you rather than the what you're really feeling at the time.

    Your move would have been hard, I've often admired the way you seemed to adjust so easily and of course now I know why.

    Our weight can be such a major thing in our lives because of how it affects our confidence and how we feel about ourselves. Small steps forward will get that under control and you watch those people flocking towards you wanting to know more about you just as we do by tuning into your blog regularly :-)

    Hang in there mate it will get easier! And enjoy the aqua jogging tomorrow!

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  30. It stop by and read because your blog is honest. As for the personal emotional baggage, it is yours to do what you want. You have every right to be angry, sad, happy, it is how you feel. What you choose to do with that feeling is the charm. You can let it eat you up or you can conquer it. Its all up to you Chris. Take care you do Rock!

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  31. Guess what? I have actually been working out, walking with the wife, and cut out my fast food intake for a week now!

    I will be posting about it in the future, so I may need you for moral support girl!

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  32. weight... BLAH i gave up years ago and will be fat forever and depending on the way the wind is blowing will depend on how I let it bother me...this time of the year is not good for me I can sink into depression in a nano second and back out just as fast... I sometimes wonder what is wrong with me ... but I have come to the realization that I am pretty normal most days... anyway as for why I read your blog...seems like the first time i came to visit something you were talking about HOOKED me completely and I so had to know more becuase for the most part we are very much alike.... so sorry my dear friend you are STUCK with me!
    Hugs Laura

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