Monday, November 17, 2008

MUSINGS....

So... I've been musing about the 'neighbour' and what to say, how to say it all weekend.

And I've come up with this: I will just pop over in the evening and ask if I can have a word with her... then let her know in the nicest way that I have been really upset and worried all weekend about her leaving her wee girl asleep alone in the house on Friday....
and could she not to do it again as it is dangerous and actually illegal.

I have decided NOT to offer to pick up her bigger girls if her baby is asleep as I have been stung by my own generousity in the past and do NOT want to be made use of like that ever again.... Now this may sound harsh, but if I offer to do it I am opening myself up to being taken advantage of, as it could happen often!

I will point out that it will not hurt the baby to be put in the pushchair if she's asleep and taken to school too... at least she will be safe. This is what I did when I was in the exact same position... and believe me... when I had 6 kids aged 10yrs down to 1yr it happened a lot!

So, there ya go! Hopefully I can drum up the courage to do it tonight... if I don't see her on the way to school !




I am a non-confrontational type of person (with strangers) so am feeling very nervous about talking to her about this.... wish me luck!

TODAY:
- kids to school
- meet dressmaker to get overdress made for the wedding. Joel can come with me as her kids have all had C.Pox.
- After that, home so Joel can rest and me? Well I'm sure I will find SOMETHING to do!
Later....

It's raining today, so havn't seen my neighbour...yet.

Took the dress to the dressmaker, all good there.

Did a grocery shop, HAD to, we got no loo paper!

Home, unpacked groceries, swept and washed the floors, installed Joel in front of the Playstation... he's in HEAVEN. Now gunna catch up on me blog reading....

WELL... I did it... after having my stomach churning all day I went over to talk to my neighbour once Stew got home from work.. and it went really well.... she was kinda expecting me in fact! She said she could tell from the look on my face on friday afternoon that I was shocked! Ya think? .... anyway... I told her of my concern for the safety of her baby... and I DID offer to pick up her older girls is she was EVER in that situation again. DOH.... my mouth just opened and the words came out! Fingers crossed I don't live to regret it.

And I gave her a hug and said I hoped I hadn't offended her by talking to her about it? She said not at all, she was glad that she had such a caring neighbour! PHEW thank god for that! I left feeling so relieved.

End of Day: did I mention the visit from my girlfriend Michelle and her man Gary from Palmerston North? NO?.... well it was lovely to spend the afternoon with them. Going to destress now, I'm a wreck! nite nite.

39 comments:

  1. Good for you... and you're most certainly doing the right thing...

    Good luck...

    can't wait to see how it goes.

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  2. good luck chatting to the neighbour! I think it is good that your are saying something to her as it is wrong to leave a baby at home alone! I hope it goes well. You should explain to her that you have been in similar situation but would put baby in pushchair and you understand that it is hard with 3 kids as you had 6 kids! I think she might take it a bit better if she knows you have been in a similar situation.

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  3. Hugs and best to ya! I know what you mean about being taken advantage of. BTDT but got no T-shirt or thanks. I hear ya.

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  4. Anonymous8:33 AM

    Good luck with the neighbor. I agree - she shouldn't leave that baby alone! I stress about turning my back on the kids for a few minutes! Gosh! I've got to give you a lot of credit for bringing it up to her. I would be totally intimidated. You've got guts!

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  5. GOOD for you I have faith that you will do just fine and hopefully she will understand that it is about the safety of the baby not being critical of her (too much ;)
    Hugs Laura

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  6. I am very proud of you. Good luck today. I'll be thinking about you. I would do the exact same thing.

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  7. Good luck with the neighbour

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  8. Good luck! You're doing a very brave and noble thing :-) She's lucky to have such a concerned and caring neighbour as yourself.

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  9. Yes,good luck. I never leave the boys on their own except to get the mail out the box. When my kids were little my neighbours and I had a deal that if one of us needed to pop to the shops they could phone and we would keep an eye on them for the few minutes they were gone. We lived in a block of four flats so it worked out great for us all. We never actually just left them like your neighbour though - what say something happened to her, no one would know the baby was at home alone!!

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  10. All the best with your conversation and the courage to actually talk to your neighbour.

    Thanks for your kind words on my blog and as for the signature I used http://www.mylivesignature.com/ which I found on another bloggers blog. I didn't bother to register, just follow the links, its pretty easy. Once your finished copy the link and go to your dashboard, settings, formatting and scroll down to post template and paste it in there.

    Have a good day...

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  11. Agree with superstar....let her know you have had the experience of 6 kids and you're not just blowing it out your arse!! lol

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  12. Let us know how the chat with your neighbor turns out. I know that you feel like the penguin with the cymbals - just don't forget to run!

    You are so good - taking care of Joel with the Chicken Pox! I am glad he is enjoying his time with you!

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  13. Good on you for standing up and saying something to your neighbour about this.

    Good luck!!

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  14. Good on you for taking the initiative, she sound like she has no common sense and needs to be put right.

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  15. It's the right thing to do, hope you're brave and can get it done. You'd never forgive yourself if something happened to that wee girl. I completely understand you not offering to help, that woman has to take responsibility for her own family.
    Good luck.

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  16. Good luck with the neighbour!

    We've a grandson here absolutely smothered in the chicken pox! Even in his more private regions!

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  17. Just catching up on my blogreading. What a dilemma with the neighbour. I reckon you're doing the right thing - its one thing to leave well enough alone when there's not a child involved but you see some many cases where things happen with kids and the neighbours later say they knew something was wrong but didn't do anything. Much better to take the initative than to have regrets later.

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  18. Chris, I know exactly how you feel - I am totally nonconfrontational too, and just thinking about doing stuff like that makes me queasy...but, you know you are doing the right thing, 100%. And just think, if, God forbid, something did happen, and you hadn't said anything, you'd never forgive yourself.

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  19. Good luck girlfriend!

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  20. how did the chat go?

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  21. hmmm-yes how did that chat go?
    Sounds like the right approach from this end!
    I'm sure you'll fill us in!

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  22. hope all goes well with your talk with your neighbour,

    and you are doing the rite thing, (i would never leave my child unattended) pluck up some courage mum..

    Daughter #3

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  23. She is lucky to have a nneighbour like you Chris, I hope she takes your advice. i know how sad it is to wake a sleeping baby to go to school, but they just have to adjust.

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  24. My stomach would have been churning too. I think you are so brave to have a word with her, it can be much easier to stand back and say nothing. Good on you for standing up for the poor little kid. Sounds like your neighbour appreciated your advice and obviously knew deep down she was doing the wrong thing.

    I'm really proud of you!

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  25. I'm so glad that the chat with your neighbour went well.

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  26. Glad you confronted your neighbour....you've done the right thing...

    Love that material for your over dress...its going to look stunning I am sure...

    hugs,
    Jen

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  27. Well done, Girlfriend! I, also, hate confrontations. You spoke from your heart, and she took your words just as you had hoped.

    Out of loo paper? The nerve of some people! I'll buy the paper before I buy milk...and I love my milk because I love my Cheerios!

    Thanks for stopping by again and for your very kind words. You've been there, so I know you understand how I feel.

    Enjoy your day (whenever the next one begins!)

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  28. I'm glad the confrontation went well. But is she going to stop doing it?
    I got my childcare certificate a few years back and in the community child welfare stuff, we we told that "Every child is everyones business." because they don't have a voice.
    You done the right thing :o)
    Letting her kids walk home with you is ok because you are going the same way. To avoid being taken advantage of, if she ever asks you to look after the kids untill she gets home, tell her that's ok and let her know what the fee will be for that, payable when the kids are picked up. That way she knows where she stands from the beginning :o)

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  29. What? I like nuts!

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  30. Awesome work. I know I would be a nervous wreck if put in that same position. The wife on the other hand - she would have went OFF!

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  31. What weakness is it that we have when we have a good idea and follow it up with something we don't want to do. She either will never speak to you again or she will start using you like a disposible razor. You telling her to use a baby cart was great. Giving her an out was just not the thing you set out to do. Your blog buddies all said great but have that thought "She said what". Guys will tell you the truth generally in unvarnished manner. You should have told her that the next time she leaves that kid alone you will call the authorities. MUD

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  32. I've given you an award ....check my blog!

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  33. great that you talked ot neighbour and I am glad that it went well!

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  34. Good for you and good luck. I hope she doesn't go wacko because of your suggestion. I can see going across the street to pick up the kids from the bus stop, but an 8-minute (one-way?) is too far. Reminds me of the parents who left their kids asleep while they went out to dinner. It's been about two years and they still have not found the little girl (Madeleine McCann).

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  35. Glad things went well with the neighbor! That is on thing off your mind!

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  36. So glad your conversation with the neighbor went ok!

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  37. I am SO GLAD that the talk with your neighbor went good. I know what a relief it must have been. Whew!

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  38. Well done!! Really pleased it went well - even if you did make an offer you didnt want to!!

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