2003I have been complacent of late, I need to remember why I don't want to get overweight again:
BEING OBESE FOR ME WAS HELL... the saying "fat and happy" is a crock of shit.... I refuse to believe ANYONE is fat and happy. You are only kidding yourself if you believe this.
I avoided:
- clothes shopping, nothing fitted, or it was like a bloody sack.. or I had to pay double for it cos it was specially made for 'bigger girls'.
- bra shopping.... ever tried to buy a 'sexy number' in a size 26DD? Same with knickers.
- Shoe shopping, cos you can't reach your bloody feet?
- changing rooms, those bloody mirrors where too awful, your arse looks 10X's bigger with 4 way mirrors.
- going to town, all those plate glass windows - like who the hell IS THAT FAT woman? Surely it's not ME?!!!
- shop aisles.... always too narrow and don't ya feel like an elephant when you simply can't get through?
- food courts, their seats were too small for me bum, or in Burger King my tummy was so fat I didn't fit between the seat and the table! Same with McDonalds!
- Rollercoaster rides, the bar that comes down would not lock in place cos I was too fat.... mortified.
- plane and car seat belts were too short, so you 'pretend' it's done up!
- plane toilets, yep you can get in the door (just) but you can't shut it cos the 'room' is too small for your body!
- social situations, you simply don't go cos you are too ashamed and embarassed by your size.
- playing with your kids, cos you get so breathless. So you stay home and send them to the park with Daddy.
- swimming, hell you don't go there at all! Imagine the stares on the beach... mortified again.
- bending down when you drop something on the floor... well you just don't cos you simply can't bend down that far! You can if you hold onto the bench, but getting up again is a problem!
- Hell and let's NOT forget SEX... I sure in hell did not feel like it! I could not understand how Stew would want to 'be' with me ... I was UGLY and FAT! And positions, come on people, it is DIFFICULT when your belly is so fat you might at well be 9 months pregnant. Enough said, LOL.
Lets not forget how one's FEELS:
- Depressed/Sad/Lonely/Isolated
- Slow and sluggish
- Bloated
- Suffer from heartburn/indigestion
- Irritable Bowel Syndrome from eating too much fatty food
- Embarassed
- Judged
- Unfit and breathless/ no energy
- sore from sweat rashes under boobs, belly etc.
- Too Hot in summer
- Low or no self exteem
- No confidence
- Suicidal in my case
- Pain from knees cos of all the extra weight on them
- poor skin cos of bad diet
I could go on and on eh? I could tell you lots of stories about situations in my life that were ruined because of my weight, like every holiday at the beach being ruined cos my Dad was ashamed of me and him always saying mean and hurtful things to me .... every clothes shopping trip being a misery and ending up with me in tears.... BUT I WON'T..... you must get the drift!
I just wanted to remember why I have to get back on track... get back to a happier weight, get back to being really proud of myself, get back to being fit and healthy again. I CAN DO IT, I AM GOING TO DO IT, I WANT TO.... I AM NOT GOING BACK TO THAT MISERY every again.
So there ya go, what a start to the day!
TODAY:
- kids to school
Dunno what else after that.... we will see...probably more sewing....
Well I have been sewing, have done two more new blocks....
I have been wondering why I did today's post... I've had that post in my drafts for about a week now, and I almost didn't post it... I'm glad I did now cos it seems to have helped not just me but a few of you too.
ONWARD EH?
End of Day: and it's been a fabulous day! I've sewn 7 blocks today and I'm thrilled with all of them... and I've even getting some of the lines to match up! OOO Errrr.... food has been spot on.. too busy to pig out! And stressed out and lose me appetite when I think of friday (visiting the bloody Dr again)...
NSV: feeling very positive, this is good. nite nite.... and sorry I havn't gotten around to read any blogs today! Too busy!
Pleased for you that you wrote that post. Just the thing we all need to do is look back. Memories of being 'bigger' are painful ones. We tend to forget it all. We also tend to forget how much better it feels to lose weight, be slimmer. Even you aren't quite where you won't to be - enjoy the fact you are lighter, happier and look forward to getting back to where you want to be:-) You can do it Chris, I know you have the determination there.
ReplyDeleteWhat about but you have such a pretty face, I can relate so much to that. Good luck with it I have got to get back on track also. I am over from Corky's. Have a great week.
ReplyDeleteWell after that, have a great day!!!
ReplyDeleteYou have come a long way and you know you will get to your goal:)
Your sewing is going well, I never could get into patchwork, but yours looks great!
thanks for that post Chris, that is exactly what I needed to hear.
ReplyDeleteI am OBESE and you just put my private thoughts onto the screen.
I don't want to feel like this any more.
So thank you for giving me hope and speaking so honestly.
Good job and keep going!
ReplyDeleteHowever......with that bra size who needs something sexy? *whistles innnocently*
That list is how I am right now and exactly the reason why I need to get my butt moving :(
ReplyDeleteYou have the determination, Chris. You can do it!
Well, you've come along way since those days girl! Bravo for that!It's good to remember these things though-I hope it has helped you today to get back on track.
ReplyDeleteBest blog post I've read in a while, you really know how to drive home a point, thank you for this. have a good day.
ReplyDeleteChris, your pictures are truly remarkable! Amazing!
ReplyDeleteIt is so important to see how far you've come and to evaluate why you don't want to go back. Thanks for the wake-up call, I'm needing one myself.
oh my god... you are amazing woman and it is good to remember where we were so we can move forward.
ReplyDeleteWhat a great post!! Go you good thag!!
ReplyDeletexx
excellent post... thank you!
ReplyDeletehugssss
It's always good to remind ourselves where we've come from and what we can achieve if we put our minds to it...
ReplyDeletePS: the squares you've sewn look fantastic!
PSS: for the record, I think you should definitely go for darker hair... it really makes your lovely blue eyes stand out. :)
Chris, that was so beautiful. And I so needed to read that today. The WW gets old and tiring after a while, doesn't it? Count this, avoid that, choose a salad. I have been taking a break for a few months. I keep saying break is over and then I find myself eating stuff I know isn't helping my situation. You are right. Absolutely. I don't want to be that girl again. Ever. I thought you might want to read the post I wrote about my struggle when you have time. It's a little long, but I think it's the post I am most proud of. Let me know what you think. (Not that I am tooting my own horn, it's just we former fat chicks need to stick together, eh?)
ReplyDeletehttp://aprilsreign.blogspot.com/2008/03/bigger.html
I hope you are having a wonderful day! You certainly made mine a little better. :)
Glad you posted it as well,and it does us good to get things off our chest so to speak.
ReplyDeleteWOW
ReplyDeleteI went to the doctor last week and weigh more than I ever have before. I cried. My doc put me on thyroid meds... hopefully, that will help.
I've lost and gained and lost and gained too many times. I need to lose it and keep it off. I think I've finally come to a place where I can accept that in order for me to be at a healthy weight I need to be hypervigilant for the rest of my life. Sigh.
Good luck. I know you can get back on track.
ReplyDeleteGood post for motivation for me to get my butt into gear. Here I am back to wt watchers and had one heck of a food weekend on memorial day. Ugghhhhh. You give me some food for thought....as to why we want this wt loss so much. And to be healthy and more active.
ReplyDeleteThanks for the post.
Oh man that post mad me cry just seeing those picks of you..
ReplyDeleteBut hey you did it you got rid of the weight and you looks so much happier and fitter and you do have self-esteme now..
Hey you can even look at your self in the mirror again and smile at yourself,
I remember balmoral st there were bugger all mirrors in the house because you didnt want to look at yourself but hey you can now and feel much better about yourself... :)
...and good for you..
Even tho we dnt say it we are proud of yo mum so dnt ever think that we are not... :)
The new patches look gd keep up the good work..:)
Daughter #3
Good job, Chris!!!
ReplyDeleteYeah, that's not somewhere I want to be. I'm kind of like Jacob Marley in Scrooge... "link by link, I forged this chain..."
wow what a post, so happy you did it,(it helped me)certainly hope it helps you to stay on track, you have come such a long way.
ReplyDeleteohhh your blocks are fantastic, love the red and blue one.
I am also so grateful that you wrote this post. It helps me realise why I don't want to be the size that I am.
ReplyDeleteI'm glad you published it, it helps to just throw it out there.
ReplyDeleteand congratulations on losing the weight that you have already lost that is fantastic
Excellent post, appreciate your sharing. Just goes to show, you can do anything you want to. Here's to you, your great! Have a wonderful day.
ReplyDeleteAlways good to have a refresher on why the fk we are doing this!!!
ReplyDeleteWe all know why... just so hard sometimes...
Top post Chris...
Thank you for being so transparent. You are an inspiration to many!!!
ReplyDeleteChris, thanks for posting this. Remeinds me SO MUCH of myself. Makes me feel a little less alone in my constant struggle with the scale.
ReplyDeleteWow.. what a post...
ReplyDeletebut I have a list sort of like yours... it's SUPPOSED to help keep me from eating... or over eating rather... I need to tape it to the refrigerator or the cabinets....
but...
I can relate to your post. TOTALLY!
I love you girl...
you are one special person.
hugs..,..
You look fabulous. And I know how much hard work goes into such a transformation. You'll keep it up!!! I know you will!
ReplyDeleteWhat a motivating post.
ReplyDeleteI too have walked by the mirror in the store and wondered who that fat lady was.