Sunday, October 11, 2020

WE FIND THIS SO HARD

 Every morning, when it's time to visit Mum, Ron and I literally burst into tears half way there!

It's because we dread what we will find when we get there.  Will Mum be improved?  Will she be worse?

We just don't know until we get there.

Then... when it's time to leave, we burst into tears because we are scared to leave her, in case it's the last time we see her.

But today, I am staying overnight with her.

That was a very conflicted decision to make, because I know Mum would want me to look after Ron; which I have been doing; but I desperately want to stay with her too.

But yesterday Ron's daughter, Diane, said she would stay with him tonight.  So I feel 'released' to spend that extra time with Mum.

So... this will be all I have for now.  We will be heading off in the next half an hour or so.  Hoping for a miracle, and we get there to find Mum has rallied; but knowing in our hearts that she probably hasn't.

ONWARD...

Mum is the same today. Not responding to us at all. But she's comfortable... which is all we care about now.

Ron and I took 40 minutes out and had a piece of cake and a hot dink down in Bellingen township.

Its a very pretty little town and would appear to be popular with the yippee hippies.

It reminds me of Raglan back home.

Really struggling today. Mum hasn't moved an inch all day. Just nothing.

And because of her position, on her side and asleep, she almost doesn't look like Mum. Hard to explain really.

So I'm constantly crying.

Just can't stop.

The biggest decision of my day...


ABOVE: Which cereal bar to have for dinner?  Maybe I'll be a piglet and have TWO .lol
Ok. This day is done.
I'm going to try and get some sleep. 
NITE NITE.


33 comments:

  1. Thank GOODNESS you went when you did! Imagine if you were just arriving now. My heart goes with you. My husband and all three of his brothers were all with both their parents for a week or more leading up to their deaths, different years. I am glad you are able to do this for yourself, although it is so hard.

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  2. Both of you (and your friends and family) are already grieving for her passing. This is such z hard time. Best to share the sadness and remember the joy. A loved one wkll meet her in heaven.

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    Replies
    1. Ruth, that is beautiful, Chris my heart is aching for you.

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    2. Anonymous5:43 PM

      You are so correct Ruth, Granny will definatly be meet with Love.
      #Lacy 💙
      Leave with Love and Meet With Love 💙💜

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  3. You are such a good and thoughtful person.

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  4. Keep strong Chris. This is an incredibly hard time so remember to look after yourself as well. I'm thinking of you and your situation often.

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  5. Wishing you strength today sending healing hugs and prayers tell your Mum all your thoughts childhood memories funny stories get it all out and hold her close this is the most precious time.
    We all love you
    Blondie

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    1. This is a great idea, Blondie!

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    2. Anonymous7:06 PM

      💙💜💙💋 😂 love it Blondie xx and so very true 💓
      #Lacy 💙

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  6. Wishing you and Ron peace and strength. You guys are doing the best you can. Hugs!!!
    Lucy

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  7. First person I think of when I wake up, Chris. For those of us who have been on this journey, we know how overwhelming it all is. Thoughts are with you today x

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  8. Sending you my love during this difficult time xx

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  9. My heart goes out to you, Ron and your family at this incredibly sad time. I'm so pleased that you were able to get over to your Mum's when you did so you could spend those extra precious days with her. Thinking of you and sending lots of love your way xx

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  10. Such a horrible thing to go through. So happy you are spending the night with her. Thinking of you xox

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  11. I too was recently on the journey you are on at the present time. It is so difficult. My thoughts are with you and Ron. Hugs and kisses. oooo & xxxx
    Patricia

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  12. Anonymous1:39 PM

    I think this is a lot harder because your Darling isn’t with you. Chris your doing such a great job caring for your family, it’s actually what I’ve seen you do year after year. Take care Jo xx

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    1. Anonymous3:25 PM

      you are so right there Jo, that's just what Ma does, family is always first xx
      #Lacy 💙

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  13. I know how hard this will be for you and Ron. No words I can say really but cherish all your memories and the last days with your mum. I’m sure that they are keeping her restful and that the pain is managed well. Sad and stressful times Chris. Take care love Anne

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  14. Hugs Chris. Before you leave, take some time to wander around Coffs. To be at peace with yourself, your surroundings, and what has been going on. Go to the sea, put your feet in the water, and just reflect. Take a few extra days of solitude. Then, when you are ready, come home. There will be time. Love to your mum and Ron. And you of course xxx

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  15. Kiwionholidays3:31 PM

    💐💓💐🌷
    Nice to know you are having a sleepover tonight with Mum and kindly Dianne is looking after Ron

    Was lovely you guys got to take time out in Bellingen,
    Sure is a quaint wee town aye?

    Thinking of you all
    Treasure your time there as I know you will,

    🌻🌻

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  16. So hard :( I remember when my Grandma "checked out" :( Hugs to you!!

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  17. Oh Chris. That is such a good idea, staying with her. Even if you decide to take turns with Ron. You are exactly where you need to be doing exactly what you need to do, impossibily hard as it seems. David spent the last night with his Mum in hospital, and he will always be grateful she wasn't alone, and privileged to be the one who happened to be there that last night.

    Much much much love, Penny xxx

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  18. Kiwionholidays7:00 PM

    🌷🌷🌷

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  19. So, so hard at the end Chris. Touch is a wonderful comfort so hold her hand and talk to her-she will be hearing you. Let the tears flow freely. Big hugs xxx

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  20. Thinking of you big hugs

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  21. No words Chris. Just know you are in my thoughts daily.
    🤗 xx

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  22. She is slowly leaving you and will look less and less like mum. Cry all you need to. Tell her you love her. Tell her it's ok to go and that Ron will be looked after and you will be fine. Tell her that your brothers are waiting for her. Hold her hand. Kiss her forehead. Even if she doesn't respond she can hear you and will feel your touch. Talk about happy times, apologise if you need to, say all the things you want/need to. This is one of the hardest things you will do in your life but it is also one of the most important and one you should be proud of and privileged to share.

    On another note ... if you try the sticky date and caramel can you tell us what it's like?

    I'm thinking of you constantly and sending strong hugs.

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    Replies
    1. Anonymous9:01 PM

      just from me, thanks for your comments sparklimgmerlot, I no they mean so much to Ma atm, thank you xx 💜 💙 thank you xx
      #Lacy 💙

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    2. Anonymous9:39 PM

      Awesome words. The last thing to go is your hearing so words are important.

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    3. Sparklingmerlot, You have said what I was trying to put into words. x
      For Chris, Yes it is a hard time but one you will be forever grateful for. Not everyone gets this opportunity to do this for their loved one so just go with the flow. I feel for you doing this on your own without Stew by your side to lean on. I'm sure though that he will be so proud of you and will be waiting with open arms on your return home to give you all the tender loving care you will need to recharge. Big gentle hugs as the time draws ever nearer. xx

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    4. The sticky date/Caramel bar was average. Could not tell it had date in it either.

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  23. Anonymous8:50 PM

    Yes I can remember walking into my mother in laws room and walking straight back out because I thought it was a different person and I was in the wrong room. I know exactly what you mean and it’s so hard. It’s an awful time for you but try and remember that even though the world threw just about everything it could at you to keep you away, you made it in time and you are able to spend this precious time with her. Hugs always ❤️ Michelle from Oz.

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  24. All I can say is ................Hugs to you and Ron. I can remember seeing my Mum just as you are describing, it is very difficult.
    Patricia

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