Monday, February 11, 2013

SORRY, BUT THIS POST IS GOING TO BE A BIT HEAVY?

I WROTE A LETTER.  BUT... I don't think I will ever send it.
It was just so I could get so much ANGER out of my system.  Purge the BAD FEELINGS from inside myself.

My Psychologist told me it was a good way to 'VENT' without doing any damage.

She was right.  I do feel much better.  
Seeing it all down on paper made me feel like I could let it go... and start enjoying my life and family again.

And I mean ENJOYING all the family that choose to be in my life.  I LOVE all of them so, so much.

No more dwelling on the past.  No more letting bad feelings nibble away at my soul.

I am whole again.  I am BLOODY HAPPY again.

AND today is Day 4!!!   Three FULL days already gone and I'm feeling damn fantastic that my motivation and resolve is as strong as it was a few days ago!

Stew suggested we go out for an ice cream yesterday afternoon... and I thought about it... and almost said YES right off the bat.  Then I paused, and decided I needed more time for my new resolve to SETTLE IN before allowing a treat to slip in.

I DO intend to allow myself ONE treat a week... it might be an ice cream, or a kebab or butter chicken.  But ONLY ONE a week.  Not even one whole day, just ONE treat.

I can't begin to describe how bloody euphoric I am feeling.  If I was fitter I would be dancing around my house, that's how good I feel.


DANCING will happen.  Just not right now!  *smiles*


CHRISTY:  re your question last night... I have a goal in mind.  But it is not necessarily based on a NUMBER.  It's more about how I feel about myself.  Sure most 'dieters' have a goal weight in mind when they set out on a weight loss journey... but I have done that over and over again, and it really  has not worked for me.
Setting specific goals is not how I am looking at this now.

I just want to be happy with myself.  Happy with my choices. Happier and healthier.
And also, if I'm being completely honest, I want to fit some of my 'slimmer' clothes again!
I hate mirrors... and being a GIRL, that is a real problem!
Show me anyone who doesn't want to look in the mirror and think 'Yep, I look OK'.

I DON'T see 'OK' in the mirror.

As my adored Nana Brown used to say to me before she passed away ... "Darling, at least you have a pretty face".   

That didn't really do much for my self confidence.

Sometimes it is just those little comments peppered throughout your life that affect you MORE than anything else eh?

I have been the same weight (within a couple of Kilos) for about a year now.  I will weigh myself on DAY 30, 60, 90, etc.  THAT IS ALL.  No manic jumping on the bloody scales every day, up to 6 times a day.  There will be NO insane mood swings when I don't see a loss each day.  That is NOT going to happen.  NO BLOODY WAY.  No pressure.  No unhappiness.  I will take whatever I lose each weigh in and be happy.


 ABOVE:  Stew and I around 2008.  This is how I'd like to see BOTH of us looking again.  Not too slim, not too heavy.  JUST RIGHT.

Right.. I'm off to do some happy stuff... make lunches, do housework, go buy some herbs, tidy up the garage... cos everything we got out of storage is just sitting there waiting to be sorted out.... bla bla bla.


ONWARD...


2 PM... OMG where has the time gone?  


I went and picked up Lacy and Keera, so Lacy could give me and Bex a hand with the garage. 

I'm happy to say we have sorted out 75% of it already... it's shaping up well.  

I am really sad that I have not found my King Size Quilt, the ONE thing I really wanted to work on and finish this year.  I am positive it is still in the Storage Box, right at the front where the guys didn't unload.  

So, I will just have to work on all the other UFO's, and churn out a few baby quilts, cot sheets etc.  I can do heaps now that I've got my fabric back.

I was talking to MYSELF yesterday as I drooled over my fabric... and Bex laughed and told the guys I was talking sweet nothings to my fabric! AS IF I WOULD DO THAT!  Ummmm... well maybe I was coo'ing a little?  lol


Relaxing.  Stinkin' hot now... I feel so sorry for Brylee and Griffin having to walk home in this heat.

Salad sandwich for lunch, Bex made it.  Afternoon tea will be a One Square Meal Snack.
Dinner: Roast Pork and veges.  I will RESIST the crackling.  

I just heard from the Building Company contracted to fix our flooring etc.  He is working on co-ordinating his builders with the sub-contractor who will do the flooring.  So hopefully in a couple of days we will FINALLY know when it will all happen?

I told him my concerns about how do we live in the house while the work is being done and he assures me we don't have to 'leave home' while it's being done.  I am so, so happy about that.

End of Day:  another fantastically happy day... still totally in control of my food choices.  Feels damn good.
nite nite.

29 comments:

  1. Anonymous6:50 AM

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  2. What a great photo to be inspired by! You'll get there - there will be ups and downs and days where you feel like crap but good for you! Keep up the great work.

    Kate (444)

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  3. Cheering you on!! Been working so, so hard and nothing on the scale is moving. SO I don't blame you for not wanting to see that and getting sucked into that number thing.

    We can't say the number isn't important, though... I mean, who is happy at 93842 kilos? But I'd like to be slimmer without flipping about a couple pounds. :/

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  4. I used that method once - wrote a letter to my ex husband after he left. I cried and cried as I wrote it and read it but never sent it. It really is an effective way to deal with something.

    I love the idea of a treat a week, I suppose I do that without realising it too. The main thing is to get into a groove that you are so used to you won't even think that you are "dieting". Make the way you eat become your "normal".

    I love that you are feeling positive :)

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  5. Love you.

    It's plodding on stringing those good days together that counts.

    Learnt something the other day.

    When things are looking bad and you cannot get your mood where you want it.... and lets face it those days happen. go stand in front of the mirror and smile at yourself. Better still begin to laugh, forced maybe to start with but the image will become infectious and you can have a riotous time with yourself. This is nearly as good as dancing and helps make the day worthwhile.

    And you don't need to use a full length mirror if that offends you but I reckon that with a few days of smiling and laughing with your reflection you will be ready to begin to like yourself all over again. I do understand your struggle it's mine too. After all for years I ate to fulfil a secret death wish and that's why all the self control around food was never going to work.

    Enough of me.... Enjoy your day and dance in your head id not with your feet.

    Blessings

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  6. I understand every word.


    Go you!


    Writing the 'stuff' down is a very helpful thing to do..Journalling is a great thing to do too..

    Here's to another "Happy Day" x

    and success in your healthy eating regime...Im on the same pathway, yet again!

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  7. love the awesome attitude chris and i agree re the letter good for you ....let it go.... Happy days rock :)

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  8. Nicole10:02 AM

    What an awesome post! Your HAPPY is contagious and rippled to the other side of the planet. Put a smile on my face and I'm headed out to enjoy the California day with my kids. Cheers and Hugs to you!!
    ~Nicole

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  9. Yay! Keep up the good work. I agree: it's no healthy to define yourself by a number on a scale.

    You do what's right for YOU !!! xxxxx

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  10. Awesome post Chris! Can really hear your happiness and positiveness that is coming through! Hope you're having a good day!

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  12. One day at a time is the best way to go!! I'm so glad you're feeling happy.

    I think I like the way you look better in that picture without the fringe.

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  13. Anonymous1:39 PM

    The letter was a good idea. Well done on leaving the treat for another day. Lovely pic of you and Stu also. Your fighting spirit is returning and you are doing it!

    I've got photos from 3 years ago, when they were taken I though I was too fat and now when I look back I'll take what I thought was too fat back then, as I looked okay and now I am really too fat. My goals are similar to yours now as well.
    Cheers
    Glenys

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  14. Brilliant photo Chris! Make sure you put it in a couple of strategic locations to keep you inspired. Fitting back into an out fit is a brilliant goal.

    I've often written letters to get the bad/negative/shite feelings & thoughts out of my head. I find it very helpful & glad you have too.

    PS I can't believe you have so much corn flour!!!!

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  15. Anonymous3:11 PM

    Sending my positive vibes your way,
    I to would love to lose weight, but atm is not happening while pregnant lol. But reading your blog has given me the idea of healthier eating is a good start even whilst pregnant aint no harm in changing eating habits. And do i ever have a horrible eating habit.
    Have a wonderful afternoon keep up the good work.

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  16. The etters are a really great idea and it obviously works if you felt better after it.

    I agree about feeling good. The scale can say whatever it wants but I know when I'm doing good things for my body I feel better.

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  17. Love the photo Chris.

    Go you....xx

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  18. Anonymous5:43 PM

    We had a realy neat day with you bex nd dante, xoxo

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  19. Penny5:49 PM

    The photo is a really good one and it looks like you were pretty happy then too. I like the way it represents a realistic and sustainable goal: healthy and happy. It is really good to hear that you are speaking kindly to yourself - if you can keep that going and monthly rather than frequent weigh ins you could be on to a new Chris! (not too new though, because we love you the way you are ;-) )

    Penny xo

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  20. Great hearing you being so positive:-)

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  21. Its a shame you didn't find your quilt, maybe next search near front of storage box will reveal its hiding place!, Well done on your resolve to keep focussed, nice photo of you and Stew.

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  22. Chris, yesterday when I went visiting for chinese new year, one relative said to me in a really mean way: you look prosperous. It's code word for fat. Now why would anyone say something like that to a person you meet once a year and on a happy occasion too? And I'm not even fat. It's just that I used to be really thin. I hear you on your weight issues. I too have my own weight issues. I would like to get more toned this year with the help of running and swimming. I know I'll never be super thin again but I'm ok with that. I just wish other people would be ok with that too.

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  23. Attagirl. Just one day at a time and before your know it a week has gone by, then a month and then several months. And one day you smile at the person in the mirror and maybe even wink at her too xxx

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  24. Great to see you sounding so positive Chris :)

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  25. Anonymous12:49 AM

    Go you Chris! Awesome,fantastic work!
    Kate in Welly

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  26. All in all, sounds like a good day!

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  27. Karen Nell4:34 AM

    Chris, I think it's disgraceful that Amanda has mistreated you like that. Afterall, you are her mother and she should treat you with a bit more respect. I hope she reads your blog and knows how unhappy you are feeling right now. She needs all the help she can get, but if she doesn't let you in, how are you suppose to help? She's a mom and someday this will hit her real bad. It's such a shame though. She's made a choice, let her live it! Her kids are living by her example which I'm afraid is not the way to go! Sorry to be so opinionated but I am going through the same thing with my son and his family. Learning to forgive is a hard lesson to learn, I'm afraid.
    Karen, Long Island, NY

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