Saturday, March 27, 2021

HOW SOON IS TOO SOON?

 


Recently I was accused of theft.

By a family member, who has now deleted themselves from my life.

Because ... when I was in Australia caring for my dying mother, I had the opportunity to TAKE Mum's stuff?  Send it home to myself?  IN other words, steal it? ! !

Now obviously, I didn't and can prove it.  But it leads me into what I'm going to talk about today.

My Mum didn't live long enough, once I arrived at her home, for her to go through all her personal possessions (china, linen etc) and say who got what once she had died.  I was supposed to help her do all that.

SO.... here I am, looking around my house at all my possessions.  And I'm thinking... HOW SOON IS TOO SOON to start putting names on all my stuff?

I want to make sure all the major items (China and paintings, jewellery etc) goes to who I want to have them.

I'm 62, could live another 20+ years, or I could get run over by a bus tomorrow.

ABOVE:  Yesterday I decided to make a start.  I've named each shelf of china in the cabinets with a person's name. And I've got 'THE BOOK', with paintings and names of who gets them.

There is HEAPS more stuff I can put names on yet!

LOL, Stew said "What do I get?".  I told him everything if I go before him, but he will have 'THE BOOK' as a guide to help him.

My master plan is to start giving all my shit away to the kids when I get to 75-80, before I kick the bucket.

My Mum's Mum (so my Maternal Grandmother) had 'THE BOOK' too, that's where I got the idea from btw.

Has anyone else given this any serious thought, or am I just weird?  Is it morbid?  

I just don't want there to be any doubt over who gets what.  I don't want any wars. I don't want to leave it too late like my Mum.  I don't want anyone accused of theft either.  It's not very nice.

So next subject, today I am going to enjoy having kids over.  Bex is doing a market, and Steve is working.  Which means we will have the little boys, plus Lacy and Keera, so fun and games ahead.  

And no doubt lunch out at the mall, cos the little kids love that.



30 comments:

  1. It's very sensible I think my grandmother put stickers on the bottom of her china with whoevers name on it. My mother is giving stuff away but she's just turned 84 whenever I visit I come home with a boot full of bits and pieces, the other half goes bonkers "what are we going to do with all this!" Hope you have a great weekend with the family 💙

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  2. With the technology we have today you could simply photograph each item then have a file with that item in one column and who it's to go to in another. No need to label shelves etc! Make up a file in your computer on excel or word and make sure it is known to others. That way it can be easily maintained or changed.

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    1. I agree Lynda. I remember my ex’s family continually picking up objects in the house to check who would get what. It caused more problems than it was worth...... how come she’s getting that, you said blah blah

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  3. My mom and dad started giving us kids 'goodies' about 10 years or so before they both passed away - only 'boo-boo' was my dad kept promising me that I would receive his personal diary from the years he served in the US NAVY on the USS NEW JERSEY during the Korean War and every time I visited or they visited he would forget to bring it. Right before my Dad passed he told every body I was to get his diary (as his eldest) - unfortunately, we are all fairly certain that a certain family member who helped my parents pack up their home (when they were moving into mother in law suite with my sister at this point) helped themselves to many of my father's personal effects because after they settled in with my sister none his items seemed to be in the boxes, like his bible, military items, his diary, his religious items, tie clips, etc. But this certain person kept saying 'he must have packed them and forgot where - maybe they are in garage , or in attic'. Well EVERY BOX was searched when my sister prepared to move from FL to GA so that anything not worth moving would be sold, given away, donated or trashed to save on moving. AND NADA. So I know in my heart this certain person stole from my parents - and this is close family member that is now estranged from me, at their choice. Family issues after a passing and who-gets-what are real issues if NOT IN WRITING. And that written documentation given to somebody that is truthful and trustworthy.

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  4. OH AND I forgot to mention, I am 63 myself and my other half totally wants me to start clearing out the extras too. I have donated / given away many items the past 3 years, reducing my holiday decor items down to my ABSOLUTE favorites. Anything I have not used / displayed in 2 holiday seasons I get rid of. And now I am weeding thru some of my 'surplus' decor in my hutch / decor closet and starting to clean it out too.

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    1. Yep, I did a big declutter when we moved from Auckland, and again when we arrived here in Hamilton! It's so good for the soul.

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  5. My grandmother did it while still able my mum does it too a degree I HAVE nothing of significance but I only have Samuel he gets everything....
    Blondie

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  6. Definitely a good idea to document it. My mother said many times that certain items were to go to me, but when it came to clearing out her stuff my brother just took them. I didn't say anything as I didn't want family disharmony at a time of grief.
    J

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  7. Anonymous10:31 AM

    If you stress way to much over everything,you won't make 70s at this rate.common killer of people in the 60s is stress. Ask any doctor they will agree. Your at the age where you should be thinking about retirement put feet up and living the last couple of years happy and drama free.
    R

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    1. At 62, I think I probably have more that 'a couple of years' left!

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  8. My mother in law started doing the same thing with her ornaments but hubby didn’t get any of his. The thing that annoyed me was that hubby didn’t get his dads war medals or the couple of family heirlooms that belong to his great grandfather. The whole family knew that these item were his but the sister whose husband was executor decided she was having them and end of story. We now have no contact with his family

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  9. Anonymous11:07 AM

    My father in law passed away aged 96 in August and his wife passed two years before..they had so much stuff some very expensive etc etc. There are 5 children, they drew their names out in a ballot and in that order they got to choose one piece in that order until no one wanted anything anymore, the rest going to either auction and the proceeds divided and the rest to the op shop...it worked very well.

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    1. Sounds like an excellent idea for anything we have not named, or gifted before we get too old!

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  10. You are very wise to start documenting who you want to get certain items.

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  11. Enjoy your day with the munchins xx so lucky having so much grandkids

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  12. Since you love rearranging things :D why not photos? You could embed text (the name) on the photo after you take it.

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  13. I think it is a very good idea to start your book when you feel it is the right time. Deciding who gets what after a family member passes seems to being out the worst in people, we have been through it with the passing of my inlaws and my mother. I too have been accused of stealing and it is a horrible situation to find yourself in. Once everything is written down and clear hopefully your wishes will be followed.

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    1. Yes, sadly I too have recently been accused of theft. Luckily I have proof I did not take anything! Phew, such a relief, it was the most cruel accusation, on top of grieving the loss of my Mum.

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    2. Very disrespectful too Chris.

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  14. I find this fascinating and particularly the comments because I'm obviously a bit unusual in that I do not want anything when my parents pass. Memories are all, I don't want their possessions or their money, and hence I encourage them to spend their money on themselves while they can.

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    1. I didn't NEED any 'possessions' of my Mum's either. I have enough of my own!!! But I do want my kids to have some of my stuff, particularly things that have been in the family for a long time. As for money, well Stew and I plan to die poor, but memory and experiences rich.

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  15. I think it's a sensible idea to start thinking about who gets what. I know there was jewellery of my mother's that she knew I wanted, nothing expensive (I have plenty of my own) but things that meant something to me. I received none of it thanks to my greedy sister. I want my girls to have certain pieces of my jewellery and will actually put it in my will to make sure that happens. Have fun with the littlies!

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  16. Anonymous3:15 PM

    My husband was executor for my parents, it was a terrible job and one nether of us will ever do again. We lived 4 hours away and by the time we got there most of their possessions had been picked through, it caused ill feeling all around. I’ve already started giving away precious things to make sure they go to who I want to have them. I gave my Mum a gold necklace that she wore every day for 40 years, she gave it to me before she died and I gave it to our youngest when she got her Masters degree. We are going to a lawyer to draw up our wills, power of attorney, executor and our living wills. I’ll feel better when it’s all done, Jo

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    1. Yep. Stew and I will be changing our wills asap, as things have changed within our family. NO WAY are some people getting a damn thing of ours! Best thing is Stew works in that industry, so we know how to get it exactly right.

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  17. It's never too early.....

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  18. I think the book is a great idea, if it is followed. My mother had a small book with things written in it, and then gave things to people that didn't tie in with what was in her book. Created all kinds of issues!

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  19. I think you are very wise to do this now, it will give you such piece of mind. And you have a lot of kids and grandkids, so there is a lot of sorting. The people who suggested photos were smart.

    My mom is 80 and has given a lot of her things already. Like for several years granddaughters got jewelry out of her collection, nothing valuable, but really pretty, for birthdays and Christmas.

    She also wrote on the back of ALL the photos and divided/gifted them. That photo project kept her occupied for nearly a year, she had a lot of old family photos from her parents and grandparents as well as her own.

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  20. The book is a really great idea. I have just given my three children the information they need to know about, ie: the locations my bank accounts, investments, life insurance policy, will, co-hab agreement, safe and safety deposit box, etc etc. They have copies of my will.
    When I moved in with Hubby I distributed a lot of stuff to them then.
    Have fun with your little ones. Still waiting until I can do that safely.
    Patricia

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  21. Golly, sounds like it’s been an intense morning!!?
    Say hello and give love to aunt Khady for me when you see her.

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  22. My mum had the discussion with us girls years ago about who gets what. Major things like furniture and dad's cameras and such. She's written it down somewhere too but we all know what's ours and what isn't so we're good.

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