SNEAK PEAK

 So today I thought I'd give you a sneak peek at a couple more new items of clothing I've bought myself.

ABOVE:  Obviously I won't wear BLACK tights and bra under this when wearing it out.  Just for the purpose of taking the photo the other day though... I was like ... MEH. Doesn't matter.

I really, REALLY love this dress.

Best thing about most things I've bought recently is they are ONE SIZE FIT'S ALL, so will fit me even if I lose more weight.

ABOVE:  I just love this top too.  

Both those items are made from LINEN, so lovely and light, and cool to wear.

The blue dress has pockets at around the 'hip zone', and it flares out there as well.  I don't like that, so will be sewing the pockets OUT, and taking it in at that point. I actually bought two of that top, the light blue one and a navy blue one. 

Today I'm going to start going on a daily walk again.  I want to get my fitness up a bit... I've done virtually nothing since I got here.  Obviously, spending time with Mum was paramount.

But now, I have the time to get out and walk more.  So, that's top of my 'to do' list until I leave here.  Then when I'm in Sydney I will continue walking.

With any luck, once I'm in Quarantine in Auckland, I get a hotel that has an exercise area.  Seems most of them do. 

I want to get home fitter than I left it, if at all possible.

ONWARD...

Well a little bit of bad news... our Steve is back in Hospital.

His pancolitis flare up has ramped up, so he's where he needs to be.

There will be a few tests done over this coming week, then HOPEFULLY some tweaking of his medications... or maybe he goes to an 8 weekly infusion.  Either way, there's no talk RIGHT NOW of an operation to remove his bowel.

THANK GOD.

I just got home from a walk up the road... it's not long... but up and down a lot.  Feels good to be doing something again.

ABOVE:  Looking back from my walk at Ron's house... you can JUST see it in the bush.

ABOVE:  A Yellow Cheeked Galah. He wasn't impressed with me and squawked. 

ABOVE:  Awwww sad.  This little baby bird was sitting in the middle of the road, just twitching his head.  I scooted him off the road so he didn't get run over.  Hopefully he was just stunned or something and came right.

ABOVE: This is probably one of the worst parts of the road.  It's 'natural' judder bars!  It's rock.

5.05 pm:  Ron took me on another Tiki Tour this afternoon.

We ended up in a little place called Coramba:

ABOVE:  It's only half an hour out of Coffs, inland a bit.

ABOVE:  AND would you believe it???  There was a fabric shop there!  This place is TINY... like blink and you are through it.

A FABRIC SHOP!  So of course Ron had to stop!

I got just a little bit of fabric and wool there.  

I'll show you tomorrow.

After our Tiki Tour, we went to the Funeral Home and picked up Mum's ashes.  That was very sombering.

We took Mum home, and Ron has her ashes in his bedroom now.

As you can imagine, it's put a real downer on the day.

But every day it gets a little easier.

The tears flow less.

7.27 pm:  Time to sign off for the day.  I've been awake since 5 am... so am bloody tired.

Going to bed far too early, hence waking up too early.

But I've no reason to stay up 'late' here.  Ron watches news channels all evening... not my cuppa tea at all.

So I come into my bedroom, watch a few YouTube videos, listen to some music and pretty much lights out by 9!

TIKI TOUR PHOTOS

 Right... here's the photos I took a couple of days ago, when Ron took me on a 'Tiki Tour' around the hills and so on.

ABOVE:    I look like a ***good year blimp*** in that top! But it's so pretty. 

ABOVE:  Stunning views!  Horrifically STEEP roads to get there!  And that viewing deck?  It kinda moved when people walked on it... I was shitting myself.

Starting to give a head's up.

I will be in Sydney on the 26th of October.  I will be in a motel out by the airport for FOUR DAYS.

If anyone nearby would like to visit or see me... my Aussy phone number is : 044 8071875

I will have three full days to kill.

It's OK if no one can make it to see me/visit me... I'll just go SHOPPING! 😋😅😂

ABOVE:  I was concerned about Ron after Mum's death.  He said he just didn't see the point in doing anything on the property again.

He said he only did it for Mum, because she loved the gardens so much.

But in the past couple of days he's mowed the lawns and done some grass cutting on the steeper banks too.

So I think he's coming right... it just takes time.

AND doing the grounds keeps him busy, and he gets good and tired and can sleep at night.

I've no idea what we are doing today.  It's supposed to be raining ... I've not looked outside yet so no idea if it is or not.

ONWARD...

10.44 am:  I've just been into town and posted two parcels home.  Easier than lugging the stuff around in me suitcases.

It was just fabric Mum had given me, plus the fabric I brought over with me to work on.

HA HA!  I've not felt like sewing IN THE LEAST the entire time I've been here.

It never even entered my head.  Same with the jigsaws I brought over with me.  Have not done them.

While out, I bought two winter jackets (wool) for $30 each!  Down from $150.  Crazy to think they can sell them for that.  Imagine what their mark up must be!

At some point today I am going to make a start on the dusting around here.  It desperately needs doing.  

How fitting... the day Mum died it poured with rain.  It's one week today and ... it's pouring with rain again.

And it's cold!  I've got a jacket on.  And 3/4 tights.  I didn't think to bring any long tights... did not for one second think I'd get cold!

ABOVE:  Can't see the town at all!  

1.54 pm:  and all the dusting and polishing is done in the family/dining room.  Big job DONE.

***  man has it rained ***

*** like all day! ***

I'm signing off now... time to try and chill out for a little while.  My stress levels are HIGH as f*#k.

OFF TO MARKET I GO

Today ... well I'm off to the local Sunday market:

ABOVE:  It starts at 8 am, so I shall probably be down there bang on 8. 😂😃😅

I was going to show you the photos we took yesterday while out on our 'tiki tour', but they can wait till tomorrow.

There's likely to be a 'few' market photos posted,  once I get home again.  *smiles*

I don't know if I've mentioned this, but I have a 'bucket list' of things to do before I go home.

They are the things I WOULD have done with Mum, had she been well enough.

-She would have dragged me off shopping.

-And to the markets.

-And sightseeing.

I'm sure there are a few more things I'm not aware of, but I will do as much as I can.  For her and for me.

I've made a good START on the shopping!

And the sightseeing too after yesterday.

While I've been away, Stew has been absolutely wonderful, doing all the things he knows I would want him to be doing.

Like keeping the house clean and tidy 😃😂😄.

And he's made us a vege garden, and he's also put some wooden edging around the areas of the gardens that kept having bark wash off onto the paths and driveway.

ABOVE: Dirt was running off the vege garden as well, so he's put a wooden edge along there too.  It looks like those lettuces will be ready for eating soon!

ABOVE: The tomato plants in those pots look healthy! 

ABOVE:  The edging looks good Darling.

Well done.

I'm just so, so desperate to get home again.  It makes me cry knowing that it's still 4 weeks until I walk through my front door again.

I think my biggest fear right now is my flight is cancelled, pushed back or what ever, and I have to stay here longer.  I pray that does not happen.

ONWARD...

The tiny butterflies are out again.  This means RAIN is coming.  Might not be today, might be tomorrow, but it's coming!

This happened two days  before Mum died, and Ron said the butterflies were a sign of rain coming!  And the day Mum died... IT RAINED.

Rain will be welcome, this country is as dry as fuck.

LOL. 

First time I've put the word f*#k  on the blog since Mum died too.  Mum hated when I used that word.  Sorry Mum... it's BACK. 😂😅😆

11.31 am:  And I'm back from the market.

It wasn't as big as I expected, but still a nice variety to look at.

ABOVE:  I bought a dress from this stall. 

Then I moved on to another, and while yakking with the seller, she mentioned she was from Tauranga.  I said that's where my Mum was originally from, in fact; she was from Oropi.

AND would you believe it?

That lady was from Oropi too!

She said she even knew Mum's family.

O....M....G.

Gave me the creeps.  Kinda.  OH yeah, I bought two tops off her too.  Cos I could, and they are gorgeous. 

On my way home... driving up the bumpy, gravel road... I get stopped by COPS!  

WTF?

But not a worry, they were lost.

So I redirected them to where they wanted to be and carried on home.

Such a weird morning.

ALSO on my way home this morning, I noticed smoke up behind our house.

I just talked to Ron about it.  And it would appear there is a bush fire only 2 kms away from us!

I'm like FREAKING OUT!

But it's supposed to be under control.

ABOVE:  The red arrow shows where we are, and the blue and white square? That's the fire.

I feel like it's too damn close, thank you very much.

OMG I can't wait to get out of this place!

Why, WHO would live in the bloody bush in a country prone to fires?  

Get me outta here!

8 MORE SLEEPS here, then I will be in Sydney.  NO fires there.

ABOVE:  Well, it's been raining for a few hours now!  Which means I will sleep a bit better tonight.  I went outside a little while ago (6.45 pm) and all I could smell was smoke!  Scary shit that.

But, this rain is expected to carry on through tomorrow, so I'm not going to pack me bags and run... YET.

NEW NORMAL STARTS

 It is time to start our 'New Normal'. 

Life without Mum.

Yes, she died 5 days ago, but until we had said our final goodbye, it didn't feel like we could move on.

Now I feel at peace.  And able to start life without Mum.  It is going to very different.

No more just ringing her up to see how she is, or tell her a funny story, or just to have a yak.

We used to yak every week without fail, and in the last 9 weeks we had talked every single day, sometime more than once.

I am going to miss hearing her voice, asking her for advice, and just ... I don't know... just knowing she was only a phone call away.

I wonder how long it will take to get used to not having her here?  Something tells me I might never get used to it.

God I'm going to miss her so much.

After the funeral yesterday, I was determined to go down to the beach and put my feet in the water.

So, Richard took me.

ABOVE: This is Richard, my brother in law. He came down from Western Australia, and he returns on Monday.  He is being allowed to Self-Isolate at his home (inland from Perth), on his return.

Maxine flies back to New Zealand tomorrow, and will have to do two weeks quarantine, as will I when I get home.

Just to clarify :  Maxine is my niece, she is the younger of my sister's two daughters.  Richard is her Dad.  My sister Lorraine could not attend Mum's funeral as it would have meant she had to go into Quarantine (again) on her return to Brisbane. 

Lorraine and her elder daughter, Rowena; were lucky enough to visit Mum a couple of weeks before I arrived.

So ... back to the beach:

ABOVE: There ya go... on the beach.  If felt so RIGHT to be there yesterday.

I am bound to visit the beach again.  

BTW: I bought that black jumpsuit for Mum's funeral, and I just love it!

Richard and Maxine are calling in early this morning to say goodbye, then they are driving back to Sydney to catch their respective flights home.

I have NO PLANS for today.  And that is fine by me.

Ron and I are both very tired... a quiet day is probably exactly what we need.

ABOVE:  Let the countdown begin.  27 days until I am in my own HOME again. 

ONWARD...

8.29 am:  And Richard and Maxine have just been in, had a hug and kisses... photos... and off they go.  Back to Sydney, a 6 and a half hour drive away.

ABOVE:  I just love that photo of Ron and Maxine.  

NOW... I'm freakin' well gunna put some damn make up on!

I've not worn any in WEEKS!  None.  

Time to get back to at least the basics.

ABOVE: The back of me bedroom door. 9 more sleeps here, then on DAY 18 I fly to Sydney.

OH and talking of sleeps, both Ron and I slept well last night!

I woke at three, but went back to sleep very quickly, and didn't wake again until 6 am! Same with Ron.  

That felt so good.

12.44 pm:  I was getting low on Diet Coke, so I went down the the supermarket.

So did 50,000 other people.

OMG what a nightmare.

But... I got what I needed, and enough food to last us till I leave, and came home.

It's pretty hot out there, I couldn't wait to get inside I tell ya.  AND it's not even summer here yet!

My god I'm so thankful I won't be here over summer, as I expected to be.  I think I would have melted for sure.

4.53 pm: This afternoon Ron took me on a Tiki Tour.  Up some rather STEEP hills... to look at the views.

AMAZING!  But scary.  Then we went to a couple of other places where markets are held... so I know where to go when they are on.

One is tomorrow I think.

The other is next weekend in Sawtell, and I've been 'commandeered' to help out at the Country Women's Association's stall!  Seems Mum used to do it, so I have to as well.  lol

Well, it's only 7.49 pm and I'm so tired!  So I shall be winding up this day and heading off to bed soon.

I'm sure my internal clock is still on NZ time!

MUM'S FUNERAL IS TODAY

TODAY WE SAY GOODBYE TO MUM.

First up this morning Ron and I will head out and gather up all the food and so on that I've ordered, and take it around to Ron's Daughter's home.

We are having the 'refreshments' after the funeral there.

Then we will come back home and take a breather, before getting ready to attend the funeral.

I am DREADING today.  I try to avoid funerals like the plague. (Or Covid-19 now days. 😏)

But... I can't get out of it... so there will be lots of deep breaths, and lots of tears no doubt.

Shame you can't hit 'FAST FORWARD' on days like this.

ONWARD...

6.37 pm:  And we are finally home.

It's been a very busy day.  

But everything has gone like clockwork.

Ron and I gathered up all the food and drink and took it to Diane's.

Then home to prepare for the funeral.

THE FUNERAL:  Went exactly as I hoped.  

And I did NOT lose my shit.  Sure, I cried a bit, but NOT over the top, lose my shit sort of crying.

So relieved I held it together for the most part.

After the 'refreshments', Richard, Maxine and I went down to the beach, where I FINALLY got to stand on the beach and dip me toes in the water.

ABOVE:  See?  Toes in the sand.

I will show you a couple more... 'toes in water'... tomorrow.  And I'm smiling!  

But right now ...  I have laid my Mum to rest, and can relax and start living my 'NEW NORMAL'.

LITERALLY NOTHING

 It is the day before my Mum's funeral, and I have literally NOTHING to do today!

I have everything organised... right up until the service.

Sometimes it's a good thing to be so damn organised. Being busy helps keep your mind off other things.

My niece Maxine is getting her hair done this morning... she's got a bit of a 'gone wrong' dye job going on.

I might join her after that for lunch in town, and a wander around the shops (in town).  I've not had a look around those shops ... YET.

I have to admit, I've kinda taken 'retail therapy' to the next level lately!

I have bought myself 'QUITE A FEW' new clothes!  And shoes.  Must not forget the shoes.

I DID get the other pair of shoes, that matched my white with red heart shoes.  Only I got the ones that were black with a white heart.  They are lovely and will 'go' with heaps of stuff that I wear.

I do hope I can STOP shopping soon!  Or Stewy might crack a shit at me!

ABOVE:  Another sign that let's you know you are definitely in Australia!  It made me smile.

ABOVE:  Something that I felt was a really lovely touch in Bellingen Hospital.  Straight after Mum passed away, someone put this heart on her door.  I know what it stands for obviously.  

Anyway... I'm just yabbering... so I will bugger off and start me day.

ONWARD...

THE LINK FOR VIEWING A LIVE STEAM OF MUM'S FUNERAL IS:

https://youtu.be/LLGJxg8Fx30

REMEMBER:  if you are in New Zealand, it will be at 4 pm!

I am going into town in an hour or so to meet up with Richard and Maxine.  Until then I've just been having a quiet morning with Ron. 

Reminiscing.  

ABOVE:  The view today... it has been very hazy due to smoke coming from a 'hazard reduction burn' out of town.

It is slowly clearing now though, we shall be having another stunningly beautiful day here in Coffs Harbour.

One of the neighbours, Paul; is here yakking with Ron.  I know that Paul and Christina (YEP, another Christina!) will keep an eye on Ron, as they have been for years already.  They are lovely, caring people.

3.49 pm:  Oh my lord it's been a long few hours.

I went into town, wandered around the shops with Richard and Maxine for a few hours, then we met up at the Funeral home to view Mum again.  I put lipstick on her and then Maxine said "Granny needs her glasses", so we went back to the house and got them.

BACK to the Funeral Home, put on her glasses AND BOOM!  She looked like Mum/Grandma again.

YES. We felt bloody good about leaving her after that.

ABOVE: The only thing I bought today was this lovely little painting.  It's of the Coffs Harbour beach and jetty.

I plan on going to the beach after the funeral tomorrow night.  It will be appropriate to walk on the beach then, IF IT'S POSSIBLE of course.

Who knows?  Might not feel like it.

LOTS ACCOMPLISHED

 Yesterday Ron and I had jobs to do.

The biggest and most important one was visiting the Funeral Home and making a start on organising Mum's funeral.

And can you believe it?  We got almost everything sorted out.

Mum's funeral will be this Friday at 2 pm.  The minister visited us yesterday afternoon and we worked on, and finalised the service.

Readings/songs/eulogies etc. All done.

I couldn't believe how easy it went. Such a relief.

Now we just have to sort out the 'wake', to be held at Ron's Daughter's home.

We are 'live streaming' the funeral so family far and wide can 'attend'.  How amazing is modern technology!

The other really BIG thing I had to do was apply to New Zealand Immigration for a 'quarantine booking' for my return home.

That is a new step recently added for people returning to New Zealand. I already had a return flight booked for the end of November.  I really thought I would be here much longer than this!

So, I had to try and get an earlier flight.  I was really worried I might not be able to.

But... I am flying HOME on the 30th of October!

Two weeks and two days until I am on New Zealand soil again.  Then I have to do the mandatory two weeks in quarantine in Auckland.

I will be FREE to leave quarantine on the 13th of November.

I have cried and cried over this... I just want to be home again. 

I want to feel Stew's arms around me, giving me the biggest ever hug.  ***31 DAYS to go.***

ONWARD...

I got some really comforting news last night.

My Brother-in-law, Richard, has flown in from Western Australia to comfort his daughter Maxine, who sadly did not get out of Quarantine in time to see her Grandmother before she passed away.

He has always been 'there' when we need him.  His help over the coming days will be invaluable.

Today's 'jobs' for me are to order food for the 'wake'. Arrange viewing times for us to see Mum again.  And find out why I'm having so much trouble using my damn phone!

I can call and text some people, but not others.  It's very frustrating. 

1.32 pm:  I went out this morning and organised the food and drink for after the service on Friday.

That's another BIG job done.

I have arranged a viewing for us and my niece and BIL for later this afternoon.

I've paid my Australian Quarantine Fee. 

I bought a 2nd suitcase for my return home.

Telstra didn't know why my phones not working properly.  I give up on that one.  There's plenty of other ways to contact people at the end of the day.

Ron and I went on a 'reccy to the Crematorium ... it's easy to find.

Home now and just going to wait till it's time to go into town for our viewing of Mum.

My niece Christina said to me the other day, after Mum died ... "Look for the signs, Grandma is still hanging around you"... and today while Ron and I were sitting outside on the deck having lunch, this freakin' blue butterfly kept just flying around us.

Over and over again, for half an hour at least.

***Blue*** is my favourite colour, and it was Mum's too.

ABOVE: I don't know if you can see the butterfly that clearly in both photos.  It is very clear in the Left hand photo though.

Maxine (Niece) and Richard (BIL) arrived into Coffs Harbour around midday. Ron and I met up with them at the Funeral home and we all went and saw Mum again.

Then it was back to the house for a chat and then dinner.

They are now on their way to their accommodation, Ron is driving them back.  I opted to stay home as my head is pounding.

I will be heading off to bed early... it's become a bit of a habit. Ron goes to bed very early so I just follow suit.

I sit in bed and listen to music, watch some YouTube videos etc till I'm ready to turn out the light.

R.I.P.

R.I.P.

MY BEAUTIFUL MUM

CHRISTINA MAUD MARSHALL

14/5/1937 - 12/10/2020 

The last 24 hours with Mum.

Mum's breathing and heart beat were very fast, and had been for 3 days.

So I stayed with her on Sunday night. I felt I NEEDED to stay with her.  I sat beside her, holding her hand all night long.  I played music, her sort of music, all night long.

I talked to her.  I told her over and over again how much I loved her. How much ALL OF HER FAMILY loved her.

In the morning, I read her a special letter from one of her granddaughters.

Then at 8.40 am, I left her alone with Ron and did some shopping in Bellingen for a couple of hours.

On my return from that, I had about 2 hours with her before she entered her final minutes.

Ron and I held her and reassured her we loved her and it was OK to leave.

And she left us peacefully, in our arms; at 12.52 pm.

All the time I've been here, there has been no rain in Coffs Harbour.

Yesterday morning, it clouded over, and after Mum passed away, we got thunder and lightening, then the heavens opened, and it poured with rain.

I believe the heavens opened to welcome Mum.

NO SLEEP

 Well... there has been virtually no sleep tonight.

The hospital is very quiet, but nurses come in all the time to check on mum and turn her.

So yeah... no sleep. But thats ok. I expected it.

There is no change in Mum's condition really, which is quite amazing.

She's such a fighter!

Once Ron arrives later on this morning I will pop out to sketch my legs... and that's it for today so far.

ONWARD...

I was rather cold overnight so once Ron arrived I walked into town.

First clothing shop I went into I saw a nice, very plain black cardigan, made in New Zealand. It fitted so I thought "Yeah that will do"... and I checked the price.

$675!!!!   I almost snorted out me nose... hung it up and 'casually ' left that shop.

Then I found a merino poncho in a local 'Collective shop and got it.

ABOVE: I CAN SEE ME WEARING IT OFTEN, both here and at home.

The hospital is up a REALLY STEEP HILL. On my way back I realised, due to the heat; I might not make it up ... so I stood on the road and waited.

Pretty soon a car came along... and I stuck my thumb out.. and they kindly stopped and drove me to the hospital front door!

I thanked them profusely... so thankful I was saved from heatstroke and exhaustion. 

******************************************************************************************

WE FIND THIS SO HARD

 Every morning, when it's time to visit Mum, Ron and I literally burst into tears half way there!

It's because we dread what we will find when we get there.  Will Mum be improved?  Will she be worse?

We just don't know until we get there.

Then... when it's time to leave, we burst into tears because we are scared to leave her, in case it's the last time we see her.

But today, I am staying overnight with her.

That was a very conflicted decision to make, because I know Mum would want me to look after Ron; which I have been doing; but I desperately want to stay with her too.

But yesterday Ron's daughter, Diane, said she would stay with him tonight.  So I feel 'released' to spend that extra time with Mum.

So... this will be all I have for now.  We will be heading off in the next half an hour or so.  Hoping for a miracle, and we get there to find Mum has rallied; but knowing in our hearts that she probably hasn't.

ONWARD...

Mum is the same today. Not responding to us at all. But she's comfortable... which is all we care about now.

Ron and I took 40 minutes out and had a piece of cake and a hot dink down in Bellingen township.

Its a very pretty little town and would appear to be popular with the yippee hippies.

It reminds me of Raglan back home.

Really struggling today. Mum hasn't moved an inch all day. Just nothing.

And because of her position, on her side and asleep, she almost doesn't look like Mum. Hard to explain really.

So I'm constantly crying.

Just can't stop.

The biggest decision of my day...

ABOVE: Which cereal bar to have for dinner?  Maybe I'll be a piglet and have TWO .lol

Ok. This day is done.

I'm going to try and get some sleep. 

NITE NITE.