Thursday, February 18, 2010


I'm off to the Doc first thing this morning.. Top of the list: swelling of feet. Then I will ask about my knees. And not sleeping. And being a miserable bitch. Think that's all! OH and if I am a candidate for Lap Banding???

After that. Grocery shopping. I. CAN. HARDLY. WAIT. ....I LOVE Shopping... but not for the groceries. Who does???

Stew went a grabbed a couple of things last night, and came home with a new Re-useable shopping bag. I seem to be collecting them! I have ... hell more than I can ever use probably, but I just love buying them! Weird .

ABOVE: The new Trelise Cooper shopping bag.... and below the other side of it. I love the stripey side best.
I better get a move on..... Doctor Bruce awaits..... ONWARD....

My visit to the Doctor went something like this:

- My swollen feet:

HE said: "Hmmmm, just something you will have to live with, might change your piddle pills"

What I HEARD: "You are FAT"

- My Knees:

He said: "You don't have arthritis"

What I HEARD: "You are FAT"

- MY noT being able to sleep:

He said: "You are stressed out"

What I HEARD: "You are FAT"

- My wanting to get a Lap Band:

He said: "You might want to try counselling first"

What I HEARD: "You are FAT... and grasping at straws you lazy, fat, ugly Tart!"

- Round-UP: He made me fill out a questionnaire... then he assessed my answers and put me on an ANTI-DEPRESSANT cos he reckons all my problems stem from being DEPRESSED. And I have to go see him EVERY Wednesday morning for the next few months. No new piddle pills, no Lap Band referral (YET)...

After that thrilling appointment, I went and got the groceries at Sylvia Park....

ABOVE: The groceries, in my pretty bags. Just have to put it all away now. FRIGGIN THRILLING.

AMANDA: gee that was ever so helpful. NOT. If I could find something to be really happy about I would FOCUS on it. And you of all people must SEE how I have been struggling with my weight for the last 2 years with no sucess! Thinking about having a Lap Band is not taking the easy way out for me, it is going against everything I ever thought I would do.

End of Day: Feeling hopeful I can get on top of my shitty self. nite nite.


  1. I love grocery shopping lol..... but hate other shopping :-)

  2. I love love love that bag. so much better than the ones we have down here. Hey and guess what.. We're being restructured AGAIN... Twice in 12 months.. 4 times in 2 years they've restructured, or tried to evacuate me from the building hahaha.... They do restructuring WELL! Haha

  3. I just discovered your blog. I wish you success with your doctor visit, and I will look forward to reading more posts and seeing your progress. Good luck!

  4. Good luck with the Dr.

    Love the bag:)

  5. I love the re-usable grocery bags too, but always forget to put them in my car. I have tons of them in my closet at home. A lot of good they do me there.

    Good luck at your appointment today...keep us posted..xoxo

  6. I love grocery shopping BUT HATE putting it all away!!!!

    I would dearly love to OTHER SHOP!! soon soon

  7. Hate grocery shopping too, but that bag is gawjus!!! I really love the rosy side, wonder if Woolies down here will be getting any???!!
    Joy :o)

  8. Hope the Dr appt went well Chris. I LOVE reusable bags - might have to go get me one of them TC ones :)

  9. Stripey side is definitely better.

    Good luck with the doctor. Can't wait to hear what he says.

  10. If all you heard was FAT, then perhaps counselling could work. After all you know what to do to lose wight, the problem seems to be in your head. Just like mine.
    Lost 7kgs then gained 400g and thought I was a failure! You must explore all options

    Hope I haven't offended you.

  11. Hmmmm... interesting appointment. I wonder if the Dr. has a point?

    Exercise really helps with depression yunno... it's just so ironic that one hardly feels like exercising when one feels like utter crap. The pantry always seems like a *way* better option, but, as you know, it never is...

  12. Maybe you should get your hearing checked too....:D

  13. If you have to go see the doc every Wednesday, at least you can keep pleading your case with him. I can't see how swollen feet or sore knees are a result of being depressed, but he's the doctor.

  14. shoot...well, he really wasn't saying you are fat over and over....BUT just tell him if you WANT a lap band referral! it isn't up to him is it????

  15. you know, I think he is right about the depression thing - from what I read. But having said that, it is all related. Perhaps he can work on that, which will help with the weight issues so you won't need lap banding.

    Give it a few months to see how it goes. You have nothing to lose honey!

    And let me know how much postage to include with my duck order! It's for my mum. she has red, white and black bedroom!

  16. Get a grip, you are not FAT LAXY UGLY, ( maybe a wee bit of a tart)
    You have had a lot going on, no wonder you are feeling low, hell, get a second opinion, if you want a lap band, get one.

  17. Actually if you are going private for an operaton, there is no need to get a referral from a GP. I never have. It is only if you want to try for the public system you need that.

  18. I can feel your disappointment - and I understand it completely.
    Do they have an alternative type of medical persons in your neck of the world???
    I am going on my 3rd month of a medicine for both depression and fibromyalgia . The first week I was sleeping 12 hours a night and it scared me . I can only reason that my body was just in desperate need of sleep - to make up for the NO sleep that I had gone through.
    Your swollen feet just isn't normal and it scares me? I just cannot understand how he could 'Brush you off , like that! I agree with someone else who mentioned a second opinion - preferably with a female doctor as sometimes I feel that they can relate to our challenges a little better.

  19. Amanda6:11 PM

    Focus on something happy, think your brain is over thinking. Sounds like a lapband is the lazy way to go... You lost weight once, you can do it again, you dont have so much to loose now, be greatful. Hope you have my duck ready, coming up Sat :)

  20. I think you need another Dr - prescribing anti depressants is just a cop out - you are not depressed!!! Nor are you fat despite what your over reacting brain decided to hear today whilst talking to the Dr.

    This stupid hot humidity is enough to make anyone miserable, add to that a few extra kilos, too hot to sleep and some family stress & it is no wonder you are feeling down.

    Take care & look after yourself.

  21. Susan6:54 PM

    Yay, I was so excited to find out your blog has gone public again!!!! I really missed reading it everyday. My hubby is away for work for a week so once I put my 2 year old to bed I look forward to catching up on what I have missed. Sus

  22. isnt weird how we here differnet words than are being said.I went to my gp today for almost the same reasons u did and she started on about if i wasnt the size I was I wouldnt have swollen legs my knees wouldnt hurt blablabla and I said wait and told her I am booked for gastric by pass 21st April wow she was thrilled for me. I just rung the clinic and made the intro appointment. See surgeon at 10am tomorrow

  23. Chris, I thought Amanda's comments were really good - she was being supportive. There are positives in your life (as you know) but I also know it is hard to be happy when you are just not.

    About the last two years dieting - you said we know you have tried - I have seen you go on a low calorie starvation diet more times than I can remember... probably every day you have beaten yourself up over not sticking to your diet. The trouble is NOT YOU... it is the diet you are chosing. You need to really, really be serious and get your family to help in that they will be 100% on board with you.

    There is a saying "if nothing changes, nothing changes". You need to actually completely change your eating - not diet. Don't ever diet again, you are only setting yourself up for starvation, binging, guilt and gaining fat.

    With the way your health is (ie, depression, water retention etc) you need to do this. Not just want anymore but need. You know my feelings of what would be good for you to eat but you need to come up with a plan you can live with.

    Sorry if this offends but I think it is the truth - tough love... I hope tomorrow will be better xx

  24. Amanda8:17 PM

    The idea of a lap band is scary. You coulda died that last time you went into hospital. Not keen for you to tempt that chance again.
    Sounds like we both in the same boat with the counselling thing.... they want to do to speciallist counselling with W. Frigen joy!

  25. Pfft. Stupid Dr!

    Having a lapband is NOT the lazy way to go, its only a tool to help you loose weight. Do what ever you feel is right.

  26. lee-anne l9:14 PM

    Get a second opinion But if you want the lap band you get it go private ...... your body your mind your well beenin g

  27. I think depression might be a contributing factor to a few things. Not least your issues with weight and self esteem. When I'm depressed (looooong history) I cannot lose weight. And that really compounds the problem. And all the health issues that go with depression and obesity.

    Lap banding is NOT an easy way out. Think hard and get at least two opinions - it is surgery when all said and done and we know your history with surgery!!

    Counselling? I'd say go for it, kiddo. Can't hurt and might be just what you need.

    And in the mean time, just do what you need to do to look after yourself. Be gentle with yourself.


  28. Don't get upset, dearest. Often our weight is a direct reflection of our personal state of mind. It is true! If you have a look at the weeks you lost weight you will find a lot more positive blog entries. The weeks you haven't are the ones you recorded a lot of stressors in your life. When you feel good in yourself, and have a positive attitude, it is reflected in your general health. Honestly, you will find a great improvement once you have been on the tablets a couple of weeks, and then you will notice the weight start to fall off.

    And don't give up on the lapband. Once you are in the right frame of mind, the doctor will more than likely change his mind. Give it time, have some patience, and you will see positive changes.

    Having had the lapband, I can tell you it's not the lazy way out. I too lost a lot of weight several times, but put it all back on quickly. With the band my weight now only varies 1kg at a time. And I feel great for it.

    Please have faith, listen to him, and once your outlook changes you will see! Lots of happy blogs, a better ability to cope with the stress, less grumpy moods, better exercise habits, better eating habits, more peaceful household. It's all connected and you will just shine. I can't wait to see it!

    Love ya!xxx

  29. Ring Janene you dont need a referal for the lap banding dr if you go private, I know your feelings on ths subject so i know you not making hasty decissions, you do what you think is best for you not anyone else

  30. After all that you need a great big hug. I hope Stew is around. Depression can be hormonal .... sorry to say? Also you do and have experienced a lot of aggravation .... sometimes it just gets to you and it's all too much. Time Out required. And I bet your answer is, 'What's That?'

    Q. Are you really happy with your Dr? Do you feel as though you can talk to him and he will listen.?

    If I wasn't going away on Monday I would suggest you came down for a few days and had a natter session with someone outside your immediate circle of friends who know you too well if you know what I mean. You're strong and will get through this.

    Now go and tell Stew he needs to look after you and I hope he's not so much of a dumb Kiwi guy that he doesn't understand.

  31. Sorry I didn't mean to be rude about Steve. He sounds like such a great man. Hope you're still talking to me *Smile*

  32. I'm relieved about Steve. *giggle* Thanks for the number. The message was destroyed in 3 seconds just like Mission Impossible. (Are you old enough to remember it). We will be down south, around Christchurch until March 16th so back in time for the wedding. And that's the best place to have it. Easy access by car and more sheltered. Should be perfect.

    Look forward to seeing you.

  33. I agree with Lynda Chris - you need to find a food regime that suits you - don't think of it as a diet - think of it as a lifestyle choice - and you can still have some treats in there - its about moderation - with some exercise also thrown into the equation.

    Be very careful about thinking of surgery as the "only way" - I now know personally in my area eight people who have gone down the surgery road - three have had lapbands - two have put the weight back on, and one had to have the lapband removed (in December) less than two weeks after it being put in as she nearly died from complications. With other weight loss surgery, of the five I know - only two have been successful without major complications. Even surgery requires a huge amount of commitment, motivation and change for success. It won't be an overnight "fix" (no matter how much we wish it could be).

    I struggle enormously with my weight and really need to do something about it - but I have recently come to realise that it comes down to finding a plan that suits, and dealing with a lot of the psychological stuff that we carry - maybe it would be worth investigating counselling - you have had a lot of changes and stressors in your life in the last few years and they may be blocking your efforts to lose weight - I know I turn to food when I'm stressed - and to less healthy food options when I'm feeling tired and my mood is a bit low - as my motivation goes out the window at those times for healthy cooking and choices. I'm introducing small changes gradually - but I'm proud to say that I've lost over 5kg in the last month without upping my exercise yet. I still have a heap to go - but its a beginning.

    Lastly, if you don't feel that your doctor was supportive, don't be afraid to get a second opinion. It's important that we have a good working relationship with our regular doctor.

    I hope the rest of your week has a more positive feel to it for you. Take care :)

  34. Well....ya's my two bobs worth for ya...........
    DO NOT go on antidepressants!!!!! Been there, done that....farks with your head!!!! Change doctors if you have to. It is just not right!!!! Every bloody 2nd GP shoves people on anti depressants or kids on ADD medication just because they don't know what else to bloody well do!!!!!!!!!!!!! Being overweight and feeling lethargic with swollen ankles etc makes people feel are not depressed....just unhappy at the moment and a bit lost. Get yourself to a doctor and tell them you have done all the research and you ARE going to have lapband surgery....could they please take the appropriate steps to have you referred to the surgeon!!!! end of farking story....your life....your decision. Don't muck about on medication wasting good time!! It IS NOT the easy way is bloody hard yakka somedays and other days you wonder what the hell you have done....but it IS WORTH IT!!!! It took me 49yrs to get with the bloody program....come and join me ya tart!!

  35. I like grocery shopping, and i like funky re-usable bags too :o)

  36. We have more than we can use of those re usable shopping bags too, but when you leave them home you must be punished by buying more! Our solution: put all the bags in one bag and leave them in the car!

  37. Anonymous3:36 AM

    Oh Boy... I hear ya. Going to the doctor is so frustrating. I'm a fellow sweller too. I've told you before and I'm gonna tell ya again. You inspire me because you are so honest about your struggle and you don't give up. Sometimes you say you are and you stumble but you always get back up, dust yourself off and try again. It is all through this blog.

    You are also very much like my Mom and husband... You bitch about stuff. Some people can't see beyond that and it is unfortunate because it is what you DO that shows your heart and shows what is real. Actions never lie. Words do. Your actions show your spirit... they show how you care for your family... they show your worry over your family... they show your grit and determination. I really like you. I like how real you are. I like how you just say how you are feeling it.

    Weight issues suck. It is HARD. I know, I'm in the same boat. Keep hanging in there, keep being real, keep being YOU!

  38. Anonymous3:36 AM

    I am reading this article second time today, you have to be more careful with content leakers. If I will fount it again I will send you a link

  39. The actual picking out of food in the grocery store - I like that. The putting things into the car and taking them out of the car and putting them away . . .. not so much!

    I love your reusable bags. However, I am one of the "nasty" people who still do plastic. Of course I do reuse them - to clean out the kitty box!

  40. ((I really feel for you)) Hope things get better. Doctors can be so insensitive. Take care.

  41. I know how you feel....I am depressed b/c I can't get in any of my clothes and I am hungry all the time and I am only losing a tiny bit or not at all...that's depressing!!

    I love your bright bags....I need to get some like that!!! I hate going to the grocery store.

    Hope you feel better soon!! Some of my girlfriends are on anti depressents and feel much better but you have to give them time. One can even help you lose weight or so they careful b/c lots of them can make you gain.


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