I was SO bad last night.
I got pissed as a chook....and said some stuff that would NEVER usually come outta my mouth.
I OWE wee Joyce the biggest apology ever! My mouth... I don't even know where that came from. SO SORRY Joyce.
Not elaborating.
nuff said.
The photos from last night:
I cooked roast pork and veges.
Only I had none.
I was too .......... wound up.
So.... I killed a bottle of wine.
And lived to regret it.
It is so not worth killing a whole bottle of wine on one's own...... cos it really makes SLEEPING impossible... the blasted room SPINS EH?
Today: WELL... It was gunna be a mega clean up... but I'm feeling a bit 'seedy'... so maybe not right now.
Griffin has to be at school at 8am for Bootcamp... so I better get moving... lunches to make... bla bla bla.
Back later
ONWARD....
Mike and Joyce popped in to return the BBQ we lent to the Netball Teams, it was nice to see them again. Now they have gone and Bex has taken Brylee to school and Steve to work... so just for a moment ... it's just me and the dogs.
Now that I have had a little bit of time to reflect on this past weekend, I think it will be a cold day in hell before I invite anyone to come for a weekend again.
It was a disaster.
CRANKY: thanks for your comment on my rant blog, I am going to publish some of it here:
"While you are in my house, as a guest, eating my food and drinking my drinks you respect my wishes as both the home owner and as a parent. Lacy is my daughter and I welcome her here as much as I welcome any of you. If you cannot be civil to her please do not come. She needs my support as a mother and if you choose not to support her as a sister that is a decision you have to live with. However, not talking to her or not eating with her is unacceptable in my house. I would support you in the same way if you needed it and I am incredibly hurt by your behaviour"
Those words are what Cranky would have said if she was their mother.... but I echo them 100%.
Time to finally do some housework I think... I'm feeling much better physically now! Head is still a bit sore, but I'll live!
I finally got the house all spic and span again! Bex helped heaps, she's a lovely girl.
Clearly I made a major blunder last night by inviting Lacy to dinner with her visiting siblings.
I did suggest she leave when it became apparent that none of them would have anything to do with her... but Stew stopped me.
I am SO VERY SORRY to everyone .... I will not try to UNITE my family ever again.
And ... when I die... don't fucking come to my funeral ... cos Lacy might be there too.
I am TOTALLY PISSED AT ????
LYNISE: yes I can see where you are coming from. I had just hoped that my kids could try and make an effort FOR ME. It is ME who Lacy has hurt the most, not them at all. It is ME who is prepared to put that aside for the sake of an unborn innocent baby.
I see now that nothing is going to change.... Lacy is always going to be treated like shit. That is going to be hard for her.... tarred and feathered for the rest of her life.
And obviously ... as Stew and I are always going to be there for her in some capacity, we will be tarred and feathered as well.
SO BE IT.
Because of the personal nature and content of OB's comment, and in respect of Lacy's privacy... it has been deleted. This was after Steve, Stew and a couple of other family members read that comment and asked me to delete it.
End of Day: well it's had it's lows, and then some more.
ON TRACK: Maybe not.
nite nite.
Oh my gawd Chris, what on earth did you say to poor old Joyce? Now, now, we all have to play nice around here and I am sure you didn't mean it, but please, stay off the booze.
ReplyDeleteDoesn't sound like it went too well! Sounds quite a bit like my husband's family when they were all younger. Someone always fighting with someone. Very stressful!
ReplyDeletei think you must have had some for me!!!!!! :) love ya
ReplyDeleteNo it does not pay to drink to the point where things come out your mouth you will regret later, they do say though the truth comes out when you are drunk.... ;), seriously though Chris be careful with the drink. I have not had once drop of alcohol for well over a year now and love it :)
ReplyDeleteHopefully your children can see the impact they ate having on their mum! :(
ReplyDeletePoor poor you so very sorry to hear things not entirely perfect. I wonder if the size of a family makes it more difficult for everyone to get along.
ReplyDeleteMy immediate family is just fine but add in some aunts and cousins and neices and nephews and its world war 3.
Poor poor you, so very sorry your weekend wasn't quite the triumph you wished for.
ReplyDeleteFamilies eh......who'd ave um !!!!!!
Oh my gosh, that is so my family. There is just so many problems we can hardly all be together. I even have my sister attack me on facebook for everyone to see and it happened again last week. I didn't say anything mean back. I was just really sad. We only get together once every other year for Christmas.
ReplyDeleteHope you are feeling a little less seedy by now.
ReplyDeleteLove Cranky's comment!
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
ReplyDeleteFirstly I think that you would have known that inviting Lacy was going to open up a can of worms, however, the others were told of the invitation and could have chosen not to attend the dinner. Their behaviour was rude and disrespectful, and to be honest what I would have expected from lacy rather than the others.
ReplyDeleteAmanda I can understand where you are coming from, the constant pain & frustration of watching Lacy hurt & upset your family must drive you nuts. I can understand your decision not to have anything to do with her, that is most certainly your perogative but surely you can see that the way you guys behaved did hurt your Mum too?
You are a Mum too and I am sure that you would love & support your child no matter what she did, it is just what we do & sometimes it is bloody hard when they act like prize twats over & over.
Time for everyone to take a deep breathe me thinks.
ReplyDeleteAmanda she is not asking you to forgive or forget just be civil for a couple of hours. It ain't that hard
All the other crap I am sure has not been swept under the carpet by anyone but if your Mum & Dad are prepared to step up to the plate for a couple of hours for their daughter to visit then you also should be able to. It ain't that hard
Well I don't envy your family situation at all Chris because you are in the difficult position of being the parent and with that comes the unconditional love that will over ride all injustices time and time again. Your other children however will not have that same motherly instinct for their sister and unfortunately that is where the problems will lie.
ReplyDeleteUnfortunately we have had a similar situation within our own family with a brother who has put the entire family through the wringer more times then I care to remember, and as a sister their came a time when (for the sake of my own children) I was no longer prepared to have anything to do with a situation that was dysfunctional and extremely unhealthy. I will always worry that my parents will be used and sucked in by someone (their son) who continues to be an expert con artist and master manipulator and although they are quite vunerable (mainly due to their age) of being taken for a complete ride, my brothers, sister and I have all had 'the talk' with our parents regarding our concerns and also our decision to no longer have contact with a person who is such a destructive force within our family. Thankfully my parents have taken our concerns on board and they have had to put some major boundaries in place that probabaly does not feel that great from a parents point of view, but for the sake of the majority (their 9 young grandchildren who they do not want influenced by a toxic individual, plus my other siblings and myself) therefore they do not invite him to family events have basically told him if he ever phones to and is abusive the phone will be hung up, along with other strict rules that mean their safety, sanity and well being are protected without continually dragging them into the constant drama he seems to have going on in his life. Over the years they have also spent a considerable amount of money (approx $80,000) on bailing him out of trouble or clearning his bad debts, so they have also told him that they will not be helping him any longer with financial assistance whatsoever.
I know it must be really difficult for parents to do things that feel like they are cutting off one of their children, but as a councellor told my parents, they havn't done anything to cut him off, whats cut him off from full (and normal) contact is his own behaviour that is hurtful and entirely destructive. He is welcome to phone them (if he's not being abusive) or visit their home, but they will no longer be drawn into the ongoing problems he always seems to find himself in and they have had to support him in a more 'hands off' way, this included allowing the courts to make rulings that saw him lose custody of two of his children. I imagine this would have been very difficult for them to do as those twins are still grandchildren, but there came a point in time where they had to step back and leave him to reap the consequences of his actions and decisions, rather then enabling him to continue on his path of destruction by stepping in and protecting him from the repercussions of his choices.
As a sibling I am in your daughter Amandas position, so can fully understand how incredibly frustrating it is to feel like you are watching one silbings take the entire family on a roller coaster ride through a hurrican and at the end of the day I chose to end contact with my brother as their simply came a point in time where I was no longer prepared to be a part of the drama in any way shape or form. Over time all my siblings have basically done the same, and although I never thought we would effectively cut one of our own out of our lives, I feel we actually havn't, but rather its his own actions that have caused the breakdown of normal family relationships and we got to a point where we choose to no longer ride the roller coaster.
Yep it takes real people to step up to the plate and try to make things better. Don't stop doing it Chris because that is what you want to do and don't apologise because u have not done anything wrong. They s/be apologising to you.
ReplyDeleteI have always marvelled at Mums going to visit there sons in prison despite what they have done. Unconditional love Now that takes real balls.
Got to say it again Chris, and I will keep saying it, You are a loyal and good mother and person, I am sorry that all your efforts to unite your family have caused you more unhappiness. Stew was right to not ask Lacy to leave, I am so sorry you are unhappy, you should be allowed to stand by your child without being punished for it.
ReplyDeleteoh... Chris I now see some of the stress in your day-to-day life. I don't envy you at all, although I completely refuse to communicate and acknowledge my sister-in-law due to her utterly disgusting outburst towards my parents. My parents have brushed it under the carpet as they still want to have full access to their grandchildren but I simply can not forgive her until she apologizes. It seems a lot of families have these complications.... the problem is you can not tell everyone to play nice and expect that to happen... life is a whole lot more complicated. Hope your stress levels come down with time.
ReplyDeleteIt's probably just a bit too soon to expect the other siblings to try with Lacey. You need to take it slower, they haven't had the contact that you have had with Lacey the last few months. I don't think it will ever be happy families but maybe in time they will talk to her. Babies can heal a lot of wounds in families so hopefully that will help. I'd just have one other sibling at the house next time Lacey visits, with them all there they could 'work as a team' being rude, hopefully one on one they would be more polite. Sorry you feel so bad about it, but it is because your kids love you and they feel they are protecting you from Lacey. As their own kids get older they will realise that you can't stop loving a child even when they treat you like shit. I do hope this new baby is a fresh start for Lacey and she gets her life together and proves them wrong.
ReplyDeleteOOOO,er
ReplyDeleteWell there are a few positives the police weren't called Wade didn't storm in and no one was physically injured.
ReplyDeleteYou are Lacy's parent but in asking her to come you must have surely anticipated a little aggro?
But a few things your OTHER children need to respect YOU and YOUR and STEW wishes whilst in your home if they don't then shame on them BECAUSE their Angelic CHILDREN haven't grown yet and LIVED life lets hope that RENA and EMILY continue to be the perfect angels that their parents think they are....
I know Lacy has hurt you and Stew and has deeply hurt her siblings, BUT the baby has done nothing and knows nothing and as A JUDGE recently said in the Turangi case SURROUND a child with stable loving caring environment and watch it flourish I do realise Lacy goes from one blunder to the next and says some HURTFUL things and makes silly mistakes she is only human,
Chris you can't force your children or your childrens partners to speak to Lacy they will just resent you more, perhaps Lacy visiting whilst the others aren't there is the only answer for now. It must have been hard for you I'm sure but with so many personalities in the one house there was bound to be fireworks.
Alot of bridges have been burned and some totally unrepairable Lacy surely can't continue her destructive self centred life WITHOUT stepping on toes and making enemies...
We have all at some point said things we wished we hadn't.
ReplyDeleteAt least you didn't drink too much wine and start to whine! Nobody likes that!
O Chris,
ReplyDeleteHoney, my heart just breaks for the pain you are feeling. I can identify with it because I have the same problem. It is so horrible for all concerned. So far, I have not found answers --but -- I like you just continue to love them all & hope .
It is my personal opinion that we all come to earth to learn lessons to make us better "students" along the way. We come with not "manuals" - so I guess we just do the best with what knowledge we gather along the way.
We both know that there are All Kinds of Mothers -and all kind of children in our world so it stands to reason that there are all kinds of solutions or sometimes maybe they just come in steps along the way.
Sometimes for me it feels like walking with blisters on your feet-it hurts . Sometimes I think back to when they were little & they loved each other so much & just took it for granted that it would be that way forever. I know that none of us could ever have dreamed that things could change so drastically.
It is bad enough for Mom to hurt - but it seeems that the babies are the ones that end up hurt the most.
I love you Chris & one Mom to another - take it one day at a time - sometimes one second at a time. But continue to carry that love in your heart for each & all of them.We brought them into this world & they are a part of us.
Hugs