2003I have been complacent of late, I need to remember why I don't want to get overweight again:
BEING OBESE FOR ME WAS HELL... the saying "fat and happy" is a crock of shit.... I refuse to believe ANYONE is fat and happy. You are only kidding yourself if you believe this.
I avoided:
- clothes shopping, nothing fitted, or it was like a bloody sack.. or I had to pay double for it cos it was specially made for 'bigger girls'.
- bra shopping.... ever tried to buy a 'sexy number' in a size 26DD? Same with knickers.
- Shoe shopping, cos you can't reach your bloody feet?
- changing rooms, those bloody mirrors where too awful, your arse looks 10X's bigger with 4 way mirrors.
- going to town, all those plate glass windows - like who the hell IS THAT FAT woman? Surely it's not ME?!!!
- shop aisles.... always too narrow and don't ya feel like an elephant when you simply can't get through?
- food courts, their seats were too small for me bum, or in Burger King my tummy was so fat I didn't fit between the seat and the table! Same with McDonalds!
- Rollercoaster rides, the bar that comes down would not lock in place cos I was too fat.... mortified.
- plane and car seat belts were too short, so you 'pretend' it's done up!
- plane toilets, yep you can get in the door (just) but you can't shut it cos the 'room' is too small for your body!
- social situations, you simply don't go cos you are too ashamed and embarassed by your size.
- playing with your kids, cos you get so breathless. So you stay home and send them to the park with Daddy.
- swimming, hell you don't go there at all! Imagine the stares on the beach... mortified again.
- bending down when you drop something on the floor... well you just don't cos you simply can't bend down that far! You can if you hold onto the bench, but getting up again is a problem!
- Hell and let's NOT forget SEX... I sure in hell did not feel like it! I could not understand how Stew would want to 'be' with me ... I was UGLY and FAT! And positions, come on people, it is DIFFICULT when your belly is so fat you might at well be 9 months pregnant. Enough said, LOL.
Lets not forget how one's FEELS:
- Depressed/Sad/Lonely/Isolated
- Slow and sluggish
- Bloated
- Suffer from heartburn/indigestion
- Irritable Bowel Syndrome from eating too much fatty food
- Embarassed
- Judged
- Unfit and breathless/ no energy
- sore from sweat rashes under boobs, belly etc.
- Too Hot in summer
- Low or no self exteem
- No confidence
- Suicidal in my case
- Pain from knees cos of all the extra weight on them
- poor skin cos of bad diet
I could go on and on eh? I could tell you lots of stories about situations in my life that were ruined because of my weight, like every holiday at the beach being ruined cos my Dad was ashamed of me and him always saying mean and hurtful things to me .... every clothes shopping trip being a misery and ending up with me in tears.... BUT I WON'T..... you must get the drift!
I just wanted to remember why I have to get back on track... get back to a happier weight, get back to being really proud of myself, get back to being fit and healthy again. I CAN DO IT, I AM GOING TO DO IT, I WANT TO.... I AM NOT GOING BACK TO THAT MISERY every again.
So there ya go, what a start to the day!
TODAY:
- kids to school
Dunno what else after that.... we will see...probably more sewing....
Well I have been sewing, have done two more new blocks....
I have been wondering why I did today's post... I've had that post in my drafts for about a week now, and I almost didn't post it... I'm glad I did now cos it seems to have helped not just me but a few of you too.