Was something I wanted for ages.... getting here took ages....and now?
The fantastic job Stew got up here... has changed.... and he is very unhappy.
My expectations of how 'neat' it would be here have fizzled out ....
It is not where you live that makes you happy, it's who you live with, who you see all the time... like your friends.... and guess what?
I'm UNHAPPY, Stew's UNHAPPY.... I wish I had not persuaded Stew to apply for this job... I have stuffed everything up for us.
I sit in this lovely house every day, lonely and wishing I was back with my sons and friends in Palmerston North!
I am comfort eating like there is no tomorrow, and I'm petrified I am going to gain back every single kilo I ever lost. I am out of control ....
Shopping is not doing it for me! Being on your own sucks day in day out. I go out to the malls just to say "hello" to someone! It doesn't matter that it's a girl serving over the counter in a shop even!
I know I need to join some group/gym/hobby group/ something! I tried talking to lots of young mums at the school, you know, strike up a conversation in the 'hope' of befriending SOMEONE... but I've given up! No one said 'boo' most of the time. Now I wait outside the gates for the kids.... what is the point in talking to people who don't want to know me?
Sorry for sounding so down, but in all truth I have been just pretending to be happy for weeks.....and trying to sound happy on my blog. I'm not. I'm not lying any more. I am thinking of taking a break from blogging for a while.... what is the point of blogging when I am miserable and have nothing to say anymore?
BYE FOR NOW.... I will no doubt be back at some stage. Just don't know when. I will continue to visit your blogs when I can drag myself away from the pantry.
Monday, November 24, 2008
MOVING TO AUCKLAND....
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Reading between the lines I sorted of wondered how it was going for you. Sorry to hear you aren't happy, also sorry to hear Stew is not enjoying the job. Hang in there, try and find something to join. I'm sure you will soon make friends. Don't forget the pluses, you are nearer to your other kids and grandkids, also Whitianga.
ReplyDeleteI don't think you will stay not blogging for long!!!
dear chris...that is exactly what i love about your blog. you are SO honest...at least finally. i can totally understand wanting to pretend it is all alright. anyway, stew will adjust hopefully, and so will you. BUT it takes a year. then finally you will be feeling like you are where you belong. meanwhile, join a gym. go everyday to ANY workout CLASS there is, and you will finally start chatting with everyone. THAT is where you will find friends. ones that aren't working and turn up at the gym during the day. you will be killing two birds with one stone. now, i know this will be hard. JUST DO IT!!! i promise a week or two from now, all will be better. and remember, it takes a year. as you always say and i love it....ONWARD!!!! don't you DARE stop this blog. i would CRY!!!!
ReplyDeletex
robin
Wow.... First off I am sure you have not stuffed everything up for you both. You have hit a roadblock and you need to find a way to get over/around it.
ReplyDeleteYou have to take risks in life sometimes it will be a great decision other times not, like maybe this time, this in turns means you just need to work harder to make it work. Join that gym if nothing else it will get you out and doing something that will in turn reward you with feeling great about yourself.
It is a vicious cycle, you get down, you eat, which makes you feel even crappier about yourself and then you eat again and so on.
Give yourself a time-frame to work on the problems if by the end of that time things have not improved then consider moving back or doing whatever you need to do to make you and your family happy.
Whatever you decide know you have a husband and family and friends that love you and want you to be happy.... take care :-)
Sorry you're feeling so shit Chris.
ReplyDeleteIn 1999 Nick and I moved out of our newly built home in Melbourne, rented it out, sold our cars and I left my job of 9 years and 10 months and moved to Perth on the otherside of Australia - a 4 hour flight, for Nicks job at the time.
I hated it and we were miserable so 9 months later we moved back and that was it. We always said the worst thing that could happen is we move back.
I know its different for you because you sold and bought your house. What are your options? What does Stew think? Do you give it more time or do you think it will always be like this? You're in a very depressing situation.
Don't give up blogging - this is where you should be coming to vent. Good luck Chris.
I so totally feel for you-I have so been there-LOTS! The grass always seems so much greener on the other side of the fence.
ReplyDeleteI'm hearin' you-I'm listening....
sometimes you just need to go with the flow though and things will change-everything changes-that's life-so it has changed and it looks not so good at the moment-but if you sit back for a moment (maybe 2 moments) you may discover something to give you purpose where you are at right now.
Take care dear!
Oh Dear I feel for you, I know just how you must be feeling, its an awful thing to uproot and virtually start over again. I remember after my Dad died and Mum carted 5 children ( aged 8 to 17)across the world from Ireland, she was so homesick, she sat on the front steps and cried her heart out, then said, right, I made a decision and I will have to live with it and make the most of it. I know we were 12,000 miles away from home, not like you in Auckland, but the feeling you have can be just as heartbreaking. Use all your resources you can to meet people, you are such an outgoing kinda girl, anyone would be proud to call you their friend.just dont give up, I'm sure it will work out in the end,
ReplyDeleteLove to you at this sad time.
((hugs)) It's really hard when you move to a new place. When we first moved where we are at now (it's 12 miles from ANYTHING) it was really depressing. I still don't have any close friends out here. I love it here but it would be nice to have a buddy. Probably why I spend so much time on the internet ;o)
ReplyDeleteYou need to pull yourself out of this rut.
ReplyDeleteYou are there now and unless you decide to move back, you will have to make a life for yourself.
I was in a huge rut. I had put on got knows how many kilos and as you know I have other issues with my marriage so I pulled myself together for my children and myself and joined weight watchers again.
I am online in the chats room and loving the new friends I am making. I'm the same. I have very few school mum friends. Maybe that's because I'm overweight, maybe not. And I met a few people in a chat room last night that saw you on my facebook friends list and knew you. Small world!!
You know how much better you will feel if you start to get some of your weight off.
Get out with your new Auckland bloggers. There must be some of them.
I really admire you for admitting you don't like it there. I feel for you.
I hope it works out the way you want it Chris.
I'm so sorry that things haven't turned out as you had planned and that you are both unhappy about it.
ReplyDeleteIt is good that you got it off your chest and as you already know eating the pantry out of food is not the answer.
You will be missed and I hope that you come back to blogging soon...
Sorry to say mum, but todays blog is just simply pathetic. You have a hobby, you are doing mosaic's, you can make money from those as you did your pottery, cushions, canvas pictures, big pictures, etc, ask aunty if you are able to put some of your artistic creations with her, or find a nice local independant shop or sell them from home. As you dont want to get a job as you dont like being told what to do, and the hours never suit, that would be good. As with missing the guys, your blogs always showed different, you were always sick of them, wanting to ring there necks and counting down til they moved out. Make up your mind.
ReplyDeleteIf dads going through a slump at work, only thing to do is support him through it... ive been having to do the same with Andrew since he has not been happy with work.
As for friends, it would have taken you a while to make friends down south, well it will take you a while up there too. Start planning your street barby and tell them to bring a friend or family or something... thats what I had to do after leaving the ex, cause I lost all my friends.
As for being happy on blog but "not actually" being happy for real, we have told you your not allowed to do that! Whats the point in being an inspriration to people for life and weight loss when you cant do it honestly or sell what you believe, bad "PR"!
Love ya mum, but NOW its time for YOUR bloggers to now turn around and show you support! Tell you to pull your head in give you inspriation and tell you it will BE FINE stsy positive keep our chin up, you will find something to turn your mood around and stay out of that bloody pantry!!!!!!!!!!!
Chris......we are here for you whenever you want us. You have just done the first important step......been honest about how things really are. That was a brave thing to do. I for one value your friendship and wish you all the very best in your journey for finding whatever you need at this stage for you and Stew to find the happiness you so deserve. Life certainly throws us some curve balls at times but I do truely believe that everything happens for a reason...........we just don't always know what those reasons are!!!! Stay strong and hopefully see you when you are down this way:) Big Hugs :)
ReplyDeleteOh mum please cheer up!!!!!!!!!
ReplyDeleteYou and Dad have done everything you can for this family and you have done a fantastic job doing it.
Hey raising six kids then taking on two more that was wonderfull of you to do that.
So it is time for you to relax and read a good book, take you mind away to another world and enjoy it, even if it is with your nose in a book who cares. you not getting any younger..
Enjoy your neighbours and your grandkids and just relax we all love you and dad!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Daughter #3
Oh Chris, You are so brave to admit how you really feel. It is better than pretending. This is fixable, if you want to go back you can, if might be hard, but I am sure you will find a way. Talk to Stew, all your friends here are not going to judge you Chris.
ReplyDeleteThe main thing is that you are happy again, if you are not happy you family will find it hard to be happy.
Awww Chris....there is no law that says you HAVE to be happy 24hrs a day!! Don't forget you BOTH made the decision to move...so don't go blaming just yourself!! It is bloody hard settling in to a new place. Can you move back? Might be a hassle....but worth it for your happiness and sanity? I don't know what to say. I have moved so many times over the years and gradually my "core" friends have drifted off...part my fault and some theirs. I probably have only 3 good friends left now. We all have our down times and I am so sorry you are going through one now. I urge you to keep blogging....just putting it down in writing helps heaps you know!! We don't expect "happy" everytime you blog....consider it....blog, talk it out...whinge, moan and cry...I for one will be here to try and help and give words of encouragement and "wisdom" if I can!!! I will miss your daily updates ya tart!!
ReplyDeleteAh, Chris my love - I hear you! You have to get out there and get some new mates! Join a group even though you don't want to! This will pass...give it a year, and if it still sucks, then move back...
ReplyDeleteThinking of you!
XXXXXXXXXXXXX
Chris, when I saw the title of your post I thought it was going to be "these are a few of my favourite things (... about auckland)".
ReplyDeleteI know how it feels to move somewhere new. You can't beat yourself up about it, whether you think you pushed stew into it or not. You've sold your house and the kids are in a new school. You need to make the most of your choices and try something new.
Like you said, you probably need to make an effort to join some sort of group/class to really make local friends. I think a gym, although good for your body, isn't great for socialising, as most people there want to do their thing and leave.
Why don't you sign up for some short courses or something? You seemed to enjoy the mosaic table making... or learn a language or something else crafty??! Maybe even a part time job or some new volunteer work perhaps? Doesn't sound like the mum's at school are going to be much good, so you have to do something a bit more!
I hope you can turn the down feelings around soon... cheer up and get yourself busy and you probably won't have as much (dead) time to spend near the pantry ;)
Big hugs to you, K xx
I know how a little of how you must be feeling. I felt quite displaced with I first moved down here BUT I sort of knew what it would be like as I have moved cities before and have gone through the exact same thing in the past.
ReplyDeleteIt takes time to settle in and meet people. You have uprooted your whole life and moved away from all that you know so what you are feeling is all very normal.
It will take small steps to get used to your new life, BUT you have to start making a new life as things never just arrive on our doorstep, we have to go and make things happen.
A friend of mine moved to Napier about 4 years ago. She had always lived in Auckland but after her relationship ended she decided she wanted a fresh start, so she crammed everything she could into her car and drove south. She said that for about 2 years she would drive back to Akl to visit family and feel like she was driving home, but over time she realised that she also felt like she was driving home when she would return to Napier. Now she says Napier is her home and Akl is a place she visits to see family.
Feeling unsettled is unfortunately just part of what happens when we move cities and you will need to think about what you want, then make a plan to go out and get it.
Making friends probably won't happen at the school gate, BUT making contact with G & B's class mates parents, and arranging little get togethers can work.
I have made a great friend down here as her daughter and E became friends so it started off that they would play at each others house, then over time we started having coffee and got on really well.
I probably have a huge advantage as I have also met people through my work, BUT maybe you could consider doing some volunteer work again.
The last thing you want to do is gain back all the weight you worked so hard to get off, SO get your head out of that pantry and start planning to turn this situation around. You have the knowledge, but just need to put it into practice.
I think everyone else has said it all Chris. Give it time. I am sorry Stew isn't happy but seems he's not the only one around the company at that level. And big place like Auckland the options are endless. Have you thought about volunteer work again.. you really enjoyed it in Palmy and the treasures you found. Lucky you! big Hugs to both of you.
ReplyDeleteThis comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
ReplyDeleteAnd you said you had no friends... yeah whatever... you love your computer cause all your friends are in it.
ReplyDeleteSo I guess you arent the only person who has ever felt like this in one way or the other, or taken everything on themselves.
Suck it up mum. See you tommorrow.
Toad
Hi Chris
ReplyDeleteIt is true your heart is where your home is, in your case Palmerston North. It is not easy moving from one city to another, especially trying to make new friends. For kids it is easier as they adapt quicker. We used to live in Phuket, Thailand for 3 years and are back in our home town now Cape Town, South Africa, so I understand where you are coming from. Whatever you and Stew decide to do there is nothing more important than being happy. Please keep up the blog, I love reading it!
PS: Did you ever receive my Bday postcards from Cape Town?
Dominique x
TOUGH LOVE FROM princess-curly-of-pandora-land !!!
ReplyDeleteYou have to laugh!
Sorry to hear that things aren't looking so bright for you right now. It sounds like a plan might be helpful. Others have given some great suggestions - maybe you would benefit from joining something, doing some voluntary work, or getting a small part-time job, which puts you in touch with like-minded people. Is Stew able to look for another job if he is unhappy where he is? Maybe you and Stew need to give yourself a set amount of time (e.g. perhaps a year) and if you are both still feeling the same way, then consider moving back to Palmerston North. It's early days - and up until recently you've been busily occupied with the unpacking etc - hopefully things will get better. (Oh, and by the way - I love reading your blog - you say things as you see it, refreshingly honest, and I like that!). Take care.
ReplyDeleteIt is ealry days. Things WILL work out fine. You have a fantastic house, fantastic family, sll of them who love you and you have fab friends far and near and 'RAEL blog friends. HAng on in there, be positive, keep smiling...just think of all the possibilities out there. I think you're great. XCathy (UK)
ReplyDeleteOh Chris I'm sorry you aren't happy, and will miss seeing new posts from you. I hope everything works out somehow...I kind of know what it feels like moving to a place you don't know , or kow anyone. After 4 yrs here I am finally feeling a bit like I've found some friends, and at least have something to do:) Good luck and don't lose yourself in the pantry!
ReplyDeleteI dont think you have stuffed things up... I think change sucks and it is HARD to make new friends it takes time and as a person whos only outlet is her blog I beg you dont leave us... we do not expect every post to be happy go lucky... you are a real person with real life problems and issues and we love you just as you are. Shit you read my blog and know it gets flakey around here and I get down but by blogging it I can deal better (most the time) heck at least I have not murdered anyone yet THANK YOU BLOG WORLD. anyway huge hugs and hang in there my friend!
ReplyDeleteOh, Chris! I really wish I could be there to give you a big hug. I totally understand what it feels like to move somewhere away from family and friends. When I first moved to Texas I was certain that I would NEVER find any friends and that I would be an oddball loner for the rest of my life. Eventually, I did find friends by getting out there are talking to people.
ReplyDeleteIt might seem like no one wants to know you but trust me - they are probably just as nervous about speaking to the "new" person as you are talking to them! Give it time and keep getting involved in school stuff. Eventually you will find that person who thinks just like you and then you can forget the rest of them!
In the meantime, don't feel bad about sharing less than cheery thoughts with us, your blog family. We all have been there and don't expect everything to be roses and rainbows everyday!
I really feel for you Chris. I know it's tough, I've been in similar situations and it's never easy, but no one ever said life was easy.
ReplyDeleteYou'll get through this, you are a tough cookie. Keep your chin up and try to stay positive.
Remember, life is what you make it.
Hi Chris, how you feeling today, hope you will have a better day today, especialy hope the weather is ok, as that can get you down too.
ReplyDeleteChin up mate!
Just had to stop by and say I'm(((sorry))) to hear things haven't gone as well as expected. Getting settled and making friends in a new place always takes time. Hope you find some solid ground and get over your home sickness soon. Also hope that you don't stay away from blogland too long. Take care.
ReplyDeleteDon't stop blogging ...this is your place to vent. We all care ...didn't you get a billion birthday cards to prove it? Sending some hugs and happy thoughts your way!
ReplyDeleteOh boohoo you! You have a husband who is in secure employment, healthy children, a beautiful home, and an endless shopping visa (it seems lucky you) a group of friends and family who care for you YIP life is tough for you at the moment real tough, SUCK it up, or take a look at your before photo cause thats where your heading.. YES you are a pushy tart, and a foot stomper YOU wanted this so badly and pushed so hard for so long AND now you have too much time on your hands and SUDDENLY realise you are lonely,either get a job, volunteer, or get into a class of some sort! and do it quick, and perhaps admitting you were wrong isn't the end of the world for you just a humbling of sorts.
ReplyDeleteForgot to say I've started a new blog.. http://myfatquarter.blogspot.com
ReplyDeleteHey Chris, I was just remembering how bored Stew was in his job here, so I'm thinking you didn't push him... give it time, I'd say even six months and you'll be more settled. It is hard moving away from your friends and out of your comfort zone. Big Hugs Chris xox
Sometimes we make choices that don't pan out the way we think they will. That's life. The choice has been made. You are there, you may as well make the most of it. I agree with the others, do some volunteering, join a gym but don't sit in eating all the time because that is only going to make you feel worse. If the problem isn't hunger, the solution isn't food.
ReplyDeleteForgive yourself for moving the family, you had the best of intentions when you moved and that is what matters.
I think you should keep blogging, but do it honestly! People read blogs because they contain EVERYTHING, not just the happy stuff.
The decision you made may not have been right but it is what it is so lets make it right. Make it work. I know you can.
Joanne.
Chris,
ReplyDeleteWhat a lucky woman you are. Look at the support from not only your blogging friends but your own family and they said gorgeous things.
We all go through down periods. I've hit a bit of a slump at the moment now that Uni is over. I thought I'd be elated and enjoying the time to myself - and instead (a bit like you) I find myself moping around and not enjoying all this 'spare' time.
It's normal for us to have ups and downs and things very rarely turn out as wonderful as we were sure they would be. Give yourselves time to adjust...I'm sure it will get better.
Hugs...nat
HI Chris, Tomorrow is always a new day. Keep your head held high. You obviously have friends and family who love you. Your daughter is right, you are extremely talented. I wish I had 1/2 of your talent. I really hope that this feeling goes away soon, cuz I know I will miss your daily blogs. In the meantime, take care of YOU.
ReplyDeleteSorry your feeling let down with everything, These things take some adjustment,try and focus on the positives and take your daughter advice and start doing something like your craft work as you are so good at it.
ReplyDeleteAlso, get you head out of the pantry and into something with no calories.
Moving away from what is familiar is always difficult. It takes time to make new friends, sometimes we meet someone really quickly that we just "click" with but other times it takes ages. I bet some of the other Mums at the school gate feel exactly the same way, as you do. Maybe you could join the PTA that way you can get involved in the school & meet other parents etc but with a purpose so you are not just having to stand there & try to make small talk. You are a hard worker & very talented I am sure there is heaps y ou can do.
ReplyDeleteAs for Stews job - that is not your fault - or his!! These things happen & you guys need to discuss it & see if he trys to fix it there or looks for another job.
I would hate you to stop blogging, if nothing else the outlet to vent & say how you feel is good for you, if you feel like being a misery guts then damn well do so, it is y our blog & if someone does not like it you are not forcing them to read it!!
And get out of the pantry :-)
HI Chris, Sorry to hear you're feeling down... but after reading through everyone's comments, its great that you have so much support from som many people.
ReplyDeleteIt will take time, but I'm sure things will right themselves, and life will be on the up again. Its not YOUR FAULT... and I think you probably know that, choices like this are made together with your partner.
Please don't stop blogging, its your place to vent, and so what if your blog isn't a happy go lucky thing to read all the time....you are human too which means everything is not perfect all the time.
Chin up, take care, and sending hugs your way.
xxx
Ah Chris, sorry to hear your tale of Woe. The first step is to lay it all on the table as you've just done, now do it with Stew. Make your peace with him, work through each of your problems one by one, then make a plan to decide how long to work at it. Why does Stew hate the job? Is it a settling in phase, or the people, or the work itself? I think Robin's suggestion is really good; what about a bit of charity work - helping out at the local opp shop. I bet if you are happier, then Stew will be happier :0)
ReplyDeleteChin up chicken, we are all hear for you. PS & yes, get out of the bloody pantry!!!
Dear Chris,
ReplyDeleteI've so been where you are... and more than once. In fact, we have been in this house for six years and it is the longest I've ever lived in the same house in my entire life.
There's a certain excitement in taking a new job and moving to a new house. There's also a build up of what it is going to be like but... in the end, the hopes and expectations are often never realized. There's always that time when the honeymoon ends and reality sets in. For me, it is always the worst when my husband is unhappy at work.
Over the years I've found that most people that are established in an area often do not have room in their lives for other people. The best way to get to know others and form relationships is to take a class in something you are interested in or join a group... maybe a quilting group or something else new you are interested in. Even then, it still takes time.
One of the times we moved I went to a Women's Tea at our church after going there for a year. I had tried so hard. I'd gone to women's studies, volunteered in the nursery, and tried to invite people over. I felt so disconnected from everyone and alone at that tea that as I was leaving I thought I might not go back. And someone called my name. It was a woman who had a boy the same age as mine who also didn't like being left in the nursery and was a wild thing. We had sat on the floor in the room several times and talked. We got together a couple days after that and she became a dear friend.
You are in the sucky part. The part where you feel like you made a big mistake. The part where you feel like you just don't want to do this. The part where you are afraid that you are going to always be lonely. And the part where you start to feel trapped because you've bought a house and your husband needs his job. It is easy to get into arguments then.
The eating. Oy. I so know how that goes. I'm at my top weight now so I've got no help for you there. You actually inspire me in how you take each day and try to make better food choices.
My heart goes out to you blog friend. Don't stop blogging! I don't come to your blog so you can entertain me or so I can read about someone who only has good moods. I like your honesty. I like you. You give us all a peek into your world and you know what? Life sucks a lot of the time. At least mine does. My blog helps me to find the humor is what might otherwise be humorless... There are things that all of us go through that suck but when you share that with others and we see ourselves in you, we can all laugh about it or... reach out and tell each other we will make it. We will survive. You sent me an e-mail once that really touched me and encouraged me where my wayward daughter was concerned. You've been there and know... you survived. I'm all the way in the United States! Half way across the world! Yet, your generosity of spirit made a difference for me in a rotten moment.
Hang in there Chris! Let your blog friends be there for you when you are feeling low.
Much love and hugs to you friend!
Sorry. Life sucks sometimes. I made a mistake like that once. Left a good company for a better paying job. A year later, the new company laid off almost everyone in the USA.
ReplyDeleteIsn't this the time that you would neat your many fans the most? You can't leave us!
ReplyDeleteBut I understand about what you mean about moving. While I love where we live (house/land) and really miss where we lived (city). It's almost as if I wish I could pick up the house and land and take it with me back to where we were - if such a thing was possible.
Hey, this is a dumb question, but when I googled Diet Coke Auckland, your blog came up. I'm flying to Auckland in April and then taking a cruise back to Hawaii (I'm SO excited!). Anyway... the cost of soda is SO expensive on the ship, I was hoping you'd be kind enough to tell me how much it will cost for a 12 pack (and/or) 24 pack of Diet Pepsi or Diet Coke. I'd really appreciate it! And... if you could give me some ideas of places to visit in Auckland, I'd really appreciate it! I think we will get there Saturday afternoon (April 11) and the cruise leaves out of there on the 12th. So... we will probably only have 24 hours in Auckland. Thanks! - Kris Jenkins http://hawaiianmusings.blogspot.com
ReplyDelete