PROCRASTINATION RULES MY LIFE

 So here goes.

I have talked about not wanting to EVER go on a diet again.

Never join a diet group again.

Never let my weight be the be all and end all of my day.

Cos for fucks sake, what I weigh has dominated my life for 40+ years!!!!

But, I am NOT HAPPY.

I had gained about 3 kilos in the past few months.

And I HATED myself.

I hated my reflection.

My face did not look like my face.

I was slowly losing myself again.

That happy person who liked herself.

GONE.

And there was a definite downward spiral in my mood.

I had managed to 'cover it up' lately by sewing heaps, keeping myself busy.

But yesterday I just hit a wall... because I wanted to come clean about what I've been doing.

I friggin well re-joined Weight Watchers, for the millionth time.

I swore to God I was never going to join WW again.  I hate the tracking, points, so called 'free food', the whole ethos of the place.

BUT, I re-joined for the support.

Cos I have NONE here in Hamilton.  None anywhere really.  

I DO have Stew. But he's not enough to motivate me.  

So a month ago I joined the local group.  For support.

And I told the leader I was only there for support.

I was not going to count friggin points.  I'm not going to track.  I'm not doing ANY OF IT.  I am there for support.

FULL STOP. END OF STORY.  

She still tries to make me tow the line, and power to her.  I'm not listening.  

I go.  I weigh in.  I sit and listen to the drivel.  I have a few laughs with the other ladies.

And yeah.  I hope to eventually even make a friend or two here in Hamilton.

Cos we have been here for 3 years come December, and I've made ZERO friends.  ZERO.

I know Covid slowed down the process of meeting people of course.  But seriously?

I get so damn lonely some days I just want to curl up on the couch and pretend the outside world does not even exist.

I am thankful for the friends I have in Cambridge, but I only see them if I go over there.  Does that make them friends?

Or just acquaintances?   Good question.

Some days I feel like just jumping in my car and driving to Palmerston North for the day!  Just to hang with my girlfriends down there!

But, yeah, it's a bit far.

So I suppose you are wondering if I've lost any weight in the past 4 weeks?

Well yes, yes I have.  And I feel rather good about it.  It is MOTIVATING me to keep going, to get to a DOABLE goal.

MY GOAL.  Not WW's goal.

Procrastinating now.

I have lost 4.6 kilos in the past 4 weeks.

And that is more than my goal for 4 weeks.

I was aiming for -0.5 kg a week tops.

Weirdly, I've not actually 'dieted' at all.  I've been out to dinner, had fish 'n' chip lunches and so on.  But perhaps just being a bit more aware of snacking, portion sizes and so on?

Either way, something is working.

I'm certainly not letting 'it' dominate my days at all.  If that happened I think it wouldn't work, cos as I've said before, I'm friggin well over dieting and being consumed with what I weigh.

I am just going to continue with what I've been doing, and see how I go.  And hopefully keep enjoying the meetings and make some friends?

Now... back to today.

I'm sick of saying what I'm doing... sometimes I don't even know myself.

I'm just gunna say ... let's see.  I might sew.  I might lie on the couch.  I just don't know.

I will make the bed and put a load of washing on.  That is all ya getting right now.

8.55 am:  And I'm not on the couch... yet.

I went outside (bloody cold af), and did this:

ABOVE:  I put the syphon hoses in the pool, to take off a lot of the rain water sitting on top of the pool cover.  It's green due to pollen and leaves.

The pool will have to be refilled after I take all that water off.

I can't believe that in just a few months we will be back in the pool!  

I'm clock watching... I want me lunch but it's still too early.  Coco and Marley are pissed with me cos we have left the nice warm sewing room and are now in the ice box I call my house.

ABOVE:  I finished this one.  All green on the borders/binding.  I like it.

ABOVE:  95% of the water has drained off.  It took 3 hours.  There's a gazillion mosquito larvae really, really pissed off now.  😂😏

LYNDA:  I really don't want to commit to anything like that as I want to be free to just go away at the drop of a hat. Or be available if family need me.  Steve's health is utter shit so he could end up in hospital at any time, meaning I would want to be available for babysitting and so on.

At 5 pm I decided to stop sewing and take the girls for a little walk up our street.

They loved it.

My back didn't, but never mind.

It was GOOD.

I talked to 4 different people who were out and about.

One was a neighbour who had recently bought in a new 'ready lawn'.

We drove past a week or so ago and Stew saw him watering it, after all our rain!  Stew said 'What an idiot'!

But when I told my neighbour that, he said he was told to water it every day no matter what, so that's why it was being watered. 😂😅

He didn't seem to mind being called an idiot either.  In fact we had a lovely chat about lawns, bearing in mind our back lawn is relatively new too.  Only we did it ourselves.

 Mr K's lawn cost him $2,000 !  Yikes.  I made sure neither girl did a piddle on it.

ABOVE:  Mr K and his gorgeous lawn.

ABOVE:  The girls hauling me along the path!

ABOVE:  A gorgeous garden on a cul-de-sac corner near our house.

I don't know if I feel better for our little walk, but the girls certainly enjoyed it.  I can't sew any more today, my back and neck are over it.

So I'm going into the house to sort out dinner.

Curried sausages tonight.

Dinner is over, Stew really loves curried sausages.  I'm now watching TV, doing a bit on Facebook and just keeping warm with me hot pods on my lap.

Catch ya tomorrow.