I was scrolling through some old photos yesterday, and came across some that brought tears to my eyes immediately.
How amazing that I have fairly recent photos of my MUM and her Brother Charles, taken last year in February. (2019)
How long can you go around feeling 'off tilt'?
Cos I really don't feel like life is quite 'right' at the moment.
I can't settle to doing anything. I have no desire to go into the studio and sort it out, or even get ready for next weekend's market!
As for opening my little shop? Furthest thing from my mind right now. Maybe after the market next weekend I will?
Stew and I are going to Spec Savers this morning. I need to get new glasses, mine broke a week ago. We might have a wander around the shops.
Then when we get home... it will be time to go 'offline' for the rest of the day while I get this blog PRIVATE.
So... hang in there... if you are on the reader list you will be getting an invite to read via email later on today.
I apologise NOW if you are not on the list, I have tried to add everyone that I know, or has been a reader for a long time.
ONWARD...
You are not going to believe this!
I have just spent the past three hours typing in email addresses and sending out invites to read
Diet Coke Rocks... only to find:
I can only have 50 readers on it!
All that work and planning for NOTHING!
I either stay PUBLIC or only have 50 readers.
Are you fucking kidding me?
I am now going to rethink this.
WELL.... all you lucky buggers are gunna be able to read my freakin blog FOREVER.
Sorry to dick everyone around. NOT my intention at all.
4.12 pm: Well, while I was fart arsesing around wasting hours with the blog, Stew did the weeding. He'd done a wonderful job.
Now he's having a shave and trimming his hair, so he's nice and tidy looking for tomorrow.
I also sorted out what I shall wear tomorrow.
I might show you tomorrow.
8.10 pm: We had left overs for dinner tonight. Beef schnitzel, salads and wedges. So nice, food that is healthy AND tasty.
Time to sign off for the day. I hope to get to bed a bit earlier than normal, it's gunna be a long day tomorrow.
Your Mum and her brother are gorgeous! Your family surely ages well! Awesome hair on all the siblings.
ReplyDeleteDon't worry about feeling "off tilt". That feeling is pretty universal right now. I am more worried about people that go around feeling / acting like everything is normal. Because NOTHING is normal right now.
In addition to the world falling apart - you have lost two family members and been through quite the "abnormal" quarantine ordeals.
It's okay to take it easy, leave the shop closed, and relax. You don't HAVE to sew or paint, unless you feel like it. No obligations!
You hit the nail on the head there Dogstars. Chris, nothing will ever be the same again and it's hard. You wil in time find a new normal for you but it won't happen overnight. Be kind to yourself and just go with the flow right now. Grief comes in many shapes and forms and is not the same for everyone. Lean on Stew and enjoy just being together pottering along for now. It will get easier and you will get your motivation back but don't try to rush or force it. Just be in the moment and if that is "doing nothing" that's fine. There are no rules. Big big hugs. xx
DeleteChris, you are grieving and have been through a hellish time with both quarantines as well as being there for your Mum and supporting Ron, as well as other things going on in your life. Don’t worry about what you are not doing or the fact that you don’t want to do what you normally do, be kind to yourself
ReplyDeleteLike Magpie says; you are still in the grieving phase and will be for awhile; and on top of that another family member has passed. Don't be harsh on yourself and go with the flow; it does get better but to be honest, its been 2 years this past August for my father and then just 14 months later I lost my Mom Nov 7 2019 so just one year for her and I still can get teary-eyed with a simple memory, or song, or just plain missing them.
ReplyDeleteGosh you can see the family resemblance. As for being 'off tilt'. Remember its not that long ago your Mum passed. I felt off for ages when my Dad then Mum passed away unexpectedly and when asked to explain what was wrong I said it feels like a 'disturbance in the force'. It was an unknown off tilt/kilter/something feeling and I couldnt identify it. It will go little by little. We are often kinder and more patient with other people than to ourselves - but now it is your turn. Just go easy on yourself. Take care.
ReplyDeleteKarenAK
What wonderful photos! I suspect that the funeral for your uncle will be very emotional because you have Stew with you and you will be able to grieve for your mother too. At your mother's funeral you were on your own and had to be strong so you are holding a lot of grief in still. 2020 huh? Not long until a new year :)
ReplyDeleteVery true. I suspect tomorrow is going to be a bloody hard day for both of you, and other people that missed your Mum's funeral. Hugs xxx
DeleteBeautiful pictures Chris. Tomorrow will be a difficult day, but that little bit easier with family around. X
ReplyDeleteAlly S Melbourne
Lovely photos of your mum and uncle! Thinking of you as the funeral will be so hard, at least your Stew is with you. If I didn’t make the cut to stay as a follower and friend please know I wish you and your family all the very best. I have been here for years and I know you and stew are amazing parents and your kids, wider family and friends are lucky to
ReplyDeleteHave you. You are a selfless person and so is Stew. You deserve every happiness.
Kym/Australia
Thinking of you today
ReplyDeleteYou have enough to contend with atm Chris
ReplyDeleteThinking of you ,,and hang in there things will only get better now you are home with Stew n families,
Take time out to heal ,, you need to be loved n cared for too,,
Cheers 🥂
💐💐💐
Yay for us
ReplyDeleteI've read your blog religiously for years Chris, although I have commented very rarely. I admire you very much (although I don't always agree with you) - you are a courageous (and sometimes outrageous 😉) woman, always prepared to give things a go and to do what you think is right, even when it's hard. Your love for your family and friends shines through. Plus the creativity and flair for design and colour! I wasn't going to ask to be added to the private blog, because I know you don't "know" me - but can I say, on behalf of your other quiet fans, how pleased I am that you'll stay public?
ReplyDeleteThis has been such a tough year for you - we're all hoping you'll find more happiness soon. As others have said - let others take care of YOU for now. 💐
Christine from Wellington
So glad I can continue to read your blog (and comment, lol). I'd like to make a suggestion if I can and I don't want to offend you - if there is something that you think could possibly fire up the trolls then perhaps only put it on your private blog - it will make for less interesting reading for the rest of us but will make your life easier. Audrey from Rotorua.
ReplyDeleteI’m trying to post a comment - but not hopeful! ( it never seems to work- but here goes!) Thanks for staying public Chris - love your honesty and your real blogging . 😊 Look forward to checking in each day to see what you’ve been up to . I can’t get over sometimes how much you achieve in each day ( and how much you manage to get Stew and Steve to do 😂) Everyone needs a Stew and Steve!!
ReplyDeleteYou have just reminded me Suz, that what I really need is Chris, Stew and Steve to come to my house in Melbourne. We have a skip arriving in two weeks and need some super fast and efficient help to get organised! I bet they are now very glad that Covid is making this idea of mine impossible... I agree, they are inspirational.
DeleteWell, My mother in law ( a years long silent reader) will be happy about this new turn of events.
ReplyDeleteThose are such lovely family photos. It's going to be a very sad day tomorrow. Courage. You will always have your loving memories of them both.
ReplyDeleteSorry about your uncle Chris - hugs. Cherish those memories. Sad and hard times xx
ReplyDeleteThinking of you Chris. It’s going to be a hard day tomorrow but you have your Stew with you to lean on.. Will be thinking of you. Much love xx
ReplyDeleteSorry to hear about your Uncle.
ReplyDeleteThanks for keeping your blog open to all readers, and sorry you had to spend all that time entering emails before you realized you could only have 50 readers!
ReplyDeleteLovely photos of your Mum and Uncle; will be thinking of you tomorrow and glad you will have your Stew with you for support.
A Fan in Canada
Sorry to hear you are going to have such a hard day tomorrow but glad that this time you will have your family with you to support you.
ReplyDeleteI am so glad that your blog is staying public. I really love reading it and will make sure I comment more. Sus
Woke up to good news this morning - I can still read your blog 😊 I’m so glad. It’s such a privilege to hear about your life. Will be thinking about you tomorrow, it will be hard and emotional on so many levels Hope all goes smoothly. Take care and Thank you x
ReplyDeleteHoping this comment works, mine never seem to 😢 but I am so unbelievably happy I’ll still be able to read. I have been reading for so many years now, a least a few houses ago 🤣 So sorry for all you are going through. The funeral will be a tough day, lean on Stew and just go easy on yourself for a while. You will start to feel more like yourself soon. Maybe putting up your Christmas tree will get you feeling brighter xxx
ReplyDeleteSo glad to be able to continue to read your blog. I have been checking my email all day, hoping for an invite to read the private blog and there was nothing so I thought that I hadn't made it. So I was very happy to check back in this evening and see that I could continue to read. Best wishes for tomorrow x
ReplyDeleteBeautiful photo of your mum and uncle. Such a sad time for you all. Our dad died 3 years ago and our mum went into aged care with dementia one year ago and we miss them so much. I don’t think you get over the loss it’s just a different type of normal. Take care.
ReplyDeleteI hope all goes well for you today at least you have stew with you this time. Selfish of me but I am pleased that I can keep reading your blog. It is my go to every morning with my cuppa. You are one inspiring lady.
ReplyDeleteBeautiful family photos Chris, thinking of you tomorrow and sending best wishes Donna xx
ReplyDeleteYay! Glad to hear that I can keep reading your blog.
ReplyDeleteAlso, wanted to mention that I kind of know how you feel. I lost both my elderly parents within days of each other in September of this year and trying to come to terms with the loss. It's hard isn't it?
ReplyDeleteSp happy for the email, I can still read all of your news, Thank you for keeping me in the loop. Will be thinking of you tomorrow, such lovely photos, nice memories. Hugs
ReplyDeletePatricia
I am so glad that I can still be a part of your blog. So sorry for the loss of your Mum ad Uncle.
ReplyDeleteI'm really glad I'll still be able to read your blog. Hugs to you and your family on the loss of your uncle so soon after your Mom.
ReplyDeleteSo sorry for your loss of your mum and brother (and so close together). What lovely photos and memories to have of them together. Will be thinking of you tomorrow as I know it will be tough so soon after your mum’s funeral and seeing all of her siblings.
ReplyDeleteHow frustrating that you could only have 50 readers and spent so long trying to organising it. I’m a long time reader who wouldn’t have made the cut as I don’t ever comment. So I am pleased that I can continue to read your blog.
I can stay?????? Haha, sorry your plans didn't work out for your blog, I am happy that I can continue to read your blog as I really enjoy it. Condolences on your recent losses, take care, Shellie front Nova Scotia, Canada.
ReplyDeleteYay!1 I can keep on reading. I am happy to continue. Sorry on the loss of your Uncle Charles. I am glad he is with your Mum now. Take Care. Christine from AUS XXX
ReplyDeleteI'm sorry that you're feeling off tilt - I think it's a recurring theme for 2020! I am glad you found some lovely photos of your mum & uncle though. Also glad that I can keep reading your fabulous blog!
ReplyDelete