Mum just could not hang on for Christmas like she wanted. But she gave it a good shot. The cancer was just to advanced, and too aggressive for her to fight.
I will be FOREVER thankful that I got three weeks with her. She might not have been totally aware of me being with her in the last few days, but I know that she left this world deeply loved, and I held her in my arms as she left us.
It has been a special time. Never to be forgotten.
I will come back here in a year to celebrate her 1st Anniversary, but next time I will have Stew with me.
It's been VERY HARD not having his support (right beside me), but we have talked every day and he's been my support 'from afar'. Same with most of my kids.
ABOVE: This video shows the insects that fly out of the ground before it rains.
I thought at first they were butterflies. NOT.
Then maybe moths? NOT.
Seems they are flying ANTS!
So there ya go. They only seem to be in the bush, I've not seen any in town.
My bags are all packed, I just have to brush me teeth, comb me hair and put that stuff in me bag and I'm ready to GO.
Ron is taking me out to the airport around 9.30 - 10 am. My flight leaves at 11 am, and I get into Sydney around 12.20 pm.
Then I will catch a taxi to my motel and JUST RELAX.
So... I think this will be my final update until late this afternoon.
Catch ya later.
ONWARD...
10.16 am : sitting at the airport... 20 minutes till boarding. Got stung for excess weight with my bags. Grrrr.
But I can re-shuffle it once I'm in Sydney.
It was hard leaving Ron... we both cried. I'm hoping he will come over for a visit in a few months. Its a tentative plan right now.
1.44 pm: And I'm safely in Sydney. In my motel room. Already sorting out my bags, trying to drop the weight a bit.
I'm going to throw out half me socks, knickers, and old clothes.
IN fact, over half the knickers don't fit me bum anymore!
I can't stop crying. Leaving Coffs, with the knowledge that Mum is GONE, I can't visit her there ever again. I can't ring her. I got into this motel room and immediately thought: "Better ring Mum and let her know I got here safely", then remembered. She's gone. So devastated. How do you get over losing your MUM?
She's been my 'go to, must tell/ask' person, apart from Stew. Now I don't have her at the end of the phone anymore. It's going to take a LONG TIME to start getting over this loss.
ABOVE: The next countdown. 4 nights here, then on Friday I fly home.
Right now all I want to do is curl up on the bed and do NOTHING. Just cry, knowing no one can hear me and it's OK to cry now. I've been holding it in for the most part.
Helping Ron get through these last two weeks has been my priority.
My grieving could wait.
5.24 pm: And I'm done for the day. I've got a splitting headache, and am going to lie on the bed and just listen to some music.
It seems like forever since you left NZ. Hopefully your next quarantine will be a walk in the park (sorry!!) compared to your first. Safe travels. Now it's time to take a big deep breath, put the past month behind you and look forward to some you time and some family time.
I'm so sorry the weather is crap so you can't properly enjoy your Sydney visit. Still if you're able to grab a brolly and get out and about, it would do you the world of good. Enjoy your few days down time. Relax. Then you'll be ready to tackle home. Much love xxx
I hope you had a good flight to Sydney. I can imagine it would be leaving Ron ... you have been such a big support to him, particularly over the last few weeks.
Give yourself all the time you need to grieve. I bet you were a real rock for Ron, and I'm sure he appreciated it. He's probably feeling the emptiness more so himself now too. And sorry to hear you had to pay for excess baggage on the flight. I would have thought that flights would have fewer people on them and therefore they would be more lenient with those sorts of things, but clearly not. Hard too, as usually you're allowed more flying internationally than domestic. Hope you get home without having to pay again. Liz
You will always miss your Mum but it will get easier. There will always be times when you are reminded of her but you will think of her and smile more and more as you remember the good times and love. I was 9 months pregnant with Joanna when my mother died and I remember seeing other mothers coming to visit in the maternity hospital - there were so many difficult times but it's funny, I've kind of turned into my mother! I now see so much of her in me so she lives on in a way. Enjoy your time in Sydney.
I think your Mum was waiting to see you before she passed, she was one amazing lady. I miss my parents so so much, they had us much later in their life my Dad was 46 and Mum in her late 30s. It’s meant they died much sooner than any of our friends parents. It will be incredibly hard without your Mum so just do what makes you happy, Jo xx
It's totally understandable that you will be feeling overwhelmed with grief and other emotions right now. Your Mum was such an important part of your life, and the last couple of months of her life have been very rough for you - initially being so far away, the COVID-19 restrictions and then when you finally did get to be with your Mum she was very unwell and fragile. Crying is good ... it's much better than bottling things up. Be kind to yourself over the coming weeks, do things that you enjoy, and look forward to the day when you can be in Stew's arms again, and give other much loved family members hugs. You have been an amazing support for your Mum and Ron ... now it's time to let others support you and to look after yourself.
Cry Chris...it helps, you've been holding it for too long. As for missing Mum, you will forever. Going on for 5 years since my mum died and I STILL go to ring her to talk. Big hugs xx
I think all of us who have lost their mums can appreciate how you are feeling right now, and sending you lots of love and hugz to help you through. Mxx
It is your turn to grieve now Chris you have looked after Ron so well. My mum and dad died within 4 months of each other 39 years ago now, both aged 65 yrs. I still go to tell them things, but I bought a special book and write down what I would have told them and it does help. Take care of yourself and you will soon be with your family. xx
Ah, Chris, I wish you were flying home Saturday so I could come and see you! I am working all this week and Sydney is too far a drive to do up and back once I finish work! :( You can let it all out now, you poor thing. ALl us that have lost a parent feel you xx
Chris honey, we never lose our need to talk to our mothers. Mine has been gone since 1999 and I've needed her this past year more than ever. So I talk to her whenever I want to and tell her what I need...it helps some. XO
I know you and Ron both are having an emotional 'letdown' if you will. You both have been on point for these last few weeks, making sure your mum was okay and that each other was okay. You both need your time to grieve in private.
I send you wishes for peace. Especially peace for your mind, because your heart is working triple time and that is okay.
Just cry and grieve as much as you need, you will be very emotional for a good while, having stayed so strong for your Mum and Ron when it was most needed. My dad admitted recently that he often cries in the shower "cos it washes all the snot away"! It doesn't matter how old we are, we always want/need to talk to our mummies. I'm travelling to my Dad's to spend Mum's anniversary with him, and will be cooking/baking his favourite foods and remembering the good times. Safe travels home and look after you now. Kind regards Jane G
You are in my thoughts - I know its hard; lost my Mom Nov 7 2019 - the 1st anniversary is coming up. My sister and I still miss her every day. I still think sometimes 'oh, I've got to tell Mom about this...' and then I remember. You will always miss her; we always miss our moms. Love to you.
I am soooo happy that you were able to spend quality time with your Mum.
ReplyDeleteHave a safe trip.
Remember a little pampering before your next quarantine.
Good Morning DCR 😊
DeleteSafe Journey Today Ma 💙
and lots of hugs and kisses for you Ron xx
#Lacy 💙
Save travels Chris, I'm looking forward to seeing photos of you back home. Kristin :)
ReplyDeleteIt seems like forever since you left NZ. Hopefully your next quarantine will be a walk in the park (sorry!!) compared to your first. Safe travels. Now it's time to take a big deep breath, put the past month behind you and look forward to some you time and some family time.
ReplyDeleteBring on Nov!
ReplyDeleteHope Ron gets looked after with his family.
Love you mum 💙
I'm so sorry the weather is crap so you can't properly enjoy your Sydney visit. Still if you're able to grab a brolly and get out and about, it would do you the world of good. Enjoy your few days down time. Relax. Then you'll be ready to tackle home. Much love xxx
ReplyDeleteSafe travels today Chris. Enjoy seeing a bit more of Sydney.
ReplyDeleteSafe travels Chris, the weather is dreadful here at the moment.
ReplyDeleteHave a safe flight Mum...bring on November
ReplyDelete🌹🌹✈️☕️🌂
ReplyDeleteTravel safe
Cheers 🥂
I hope you had a good flight to Sydney. I can imagine it would be leaving Ron ... you have been such a big support to him, particularly over the last few weeks.
ReplyDeleteCry all you need to. That's what makeups for! And tears heal the soul.
ReplyDeleteGive yourself all the time you need to grieve. I bet you were a real rock for Ron, and I'm sure he appreciated it. He's probably feeling the emptiness more so himself now too.
ReplyDeleteAnd sorry to hear you had to pay for excess baggage on the flight. I would have thought that flights would have fewer people on them and therefore they would be more lenient with those sorts of things, but clearly not. Hard too, as usually you're allowed more flying internationally than domestic. Hope you get home without having to pay again. Liz
You will always miss your Mum but it will get easier. There will always be times when you are reminded of her but you will think of her and smile more and more as you remember the good times and love. I was 9 months pregnant with Joanna when my mother died and I remember seeing other mothers coming to visit in the maternity hospital - there were so many difficult times but it's funny, I've kind of turned into my mother! I now see so much of her in me so she lives on in a way. Enjoy your time in Sydney.
ReplyDeleteI am so sorry. You cry all you need. Cry like nobody is watching.
ReplyDeleteCrying is good xxx you been holding it all together ffor everyone for such a long time you deserve a good cry
ReplyDeletecrying = weight loose 🤣😘...cry woman cry, let it all out, crying is good for you, but yea on a serious note
ReplyDelete#CryMummaCry xx 💙💜
#Lacy 💙
I think your Mum was waiting to see you before she passed, she was one amazing lady. I miss my parents so so much, they had us much later in their life my Dad was 46 and Mum in her late 30s. It’s meant they died much sooner than any of our friends parents. It will be incredibly hard without your Mum so just do what makes you happy, Jo xx
ReplyDeleteIt's all ok Chris. So hard when you've been so close to your mum. The pain will get easier in time but you will always feel the loss.
ReplyDeleteTension stress worry relief all going yes cry cry it’s good for the soul. Not long now and you can see your family and Darling Stew.
ReplyDeleteBlondie x
It's totally understandable that you will be feeling overwhelmed with grief and other emotions right now. Your Mum was such an important part of your life, and the last couple of months of her life have been very rough for you - initially being so far away, the COVID-19 restrictions and then when you finally did get to be with your Mum she was very unwell and fragile. Crying is good ... it's much better than bottling things up. Be kind to yourself over the coming weeks, do things that you enjoy, and look forward to the day when you can be in Stew's arms again, and give other much loved family members hugs. You have been an amazing support for your Mum and Ron ... now it's time to let others support you and to look after yourself.
ReplyDeleteCry Chris...it helps, you've been holding it for too long.
ReplyDeleteAs for missing Mum, you will forever. Going on for 5 years since my mum died and I STILL go to ring her to talk.
Big hugs xx
I think all of us who have lost their mums can appreciate how you are feeling right now, and sending you lots of love and hugz to help you through. Mxx
ReplyDeleteIt is your turn to grieve now Chris you have looked after Ron so well. My mum and dad died within 4 months of each other 39 years ago now, both aged 65 yrs. I still go to tell them things, but I bought a special book and write down what I would have told them and it does help. Take care of yourself and you will soon be with your family. xx
ReplyDeleteAh, Chris, I wish you were flying home Saturday so I could come and see you! I am working all this week and Sydney is too far a drive to do up and back once I finish work! :(
ReplyDeleteYou can let it all out now, you poor thing. ALl us that have lost a parent feel you xx
Chris honey, we never lose our need to talk to our mothers. Mine has been gone since 1999 and I've needed her this past year more than ever. So I talk to her whenever I want to and tell her what I need...it helps some. XO
ReplyDeleteI know you and Ron both are having an emotional 'letdown' if you will. You both have been on point for these last few weeks, making sure your mum was okay and that each other was okay. You both need your time to grieve in private.
I send you wishes for peace. Especially peace for your mind, because your heart is working triple time and that is okay.
Ky Girl
Just cry and grieve as much as you need, you will be very emotional for a good while, having stayed so strong for your Mum and Ron when it was most needed. My dad admitted recently that he often cries in the shower "cos it washes all the snot away"! It doesn't matter how old we are, we always want/need to talk to our mummies. I'm travelling to my Dad's to spend Mum's anniversary with him, and will be cooking/baking his favourite foods and remembering the good times. Safe travels home and look after you now.
ReplyDeleteKind regards
Jane G
You are in my thoughts - I know its hard; lost my Mom Nov 7 2019 - the 1st anniversary is coming up. My sister and I still miss her every day. I still think sometimes 'oh, I've got to tell Mom about this...' and then I remember. You will always miss her; we always miss our moms. Love to you.
ReplyDeleteBig Hugs!!
ReplyDelete