The thing is though... I'm well aware that I have up's and down's all the time, and I NEED to learn how to cope better when it's a 'down' time.
Cos I'm sick of the swinging moods.
I think I have already learnt some good things though... which is good.
I joined Pinterest a while ago... and have tried not to go there too often as it is soooo addictive!
So many ideas, things to dream about, so much STUFF I want to make! Or buy! So many ideas, so little time.
Here's just a few of my favourite pictures:
Right, I better get moving... all the usual stuff to get done before I go see the Doctor.
ONWARD...
I had the WORST night in a long time.
My lower back is KILLING ME.
Coco went in and out of the dog door every 5 minutes ALL NIGHT LONG. I want to kill her.
I got acid reflux and had to semi sit up all night... got bugger all sleep... what with the dog, the back, the acid reflux... I got up wanting to kill not just the dog... but everyone!
so... I asked Griffin to vacum the lounge before he went to school...
he needed to empty it first.
He tried opening the sliding door without pulling the bolt out... and nearly broke the freaking door... then he mucked around with the vacum and broke it!
He got thrown out the front door off to school!
I'm so crabby right now... grrrrr!!!
And I've got about 15 minutes to get showered/dressed/face on and go to the Dr's. Yep, that's gunna happen!
DEBBIE: no, not on my hand, but somewhere!
The Dr's visit went OK... she came to this conclusion today:
Because I have been depressed for so long I don't know how to be happy.
And while I'm not suicidal (much anyway) and I don't indulge in 'self harm' like hurting myself physically, I DO SELF HARM BY OVEREATING.... cos deep down I don't seem to care about myself anymore? Maybe I feel I don't deserve to put myself first before everyone else?
She's got a point I suppose. I feel a failure with the diet/exercise ... and family issues... and just don't care anymore. Or I care too much? And use food to punish myself?
FUCK it's all a bit too 'deep' for me to get my head around it right now.
I'm so tired.
Tracy... think I will do what you said and have a 'nana nap'... Lacy is coming around this afternoon (when I pick her up) and we are going for a little walk ... gunna get Miss Muppet out in the fresh air.
I feel like crap... did have about 30 minutes of shut eye this afternoon... but it actually made me feel worse.
Lacy and Miss Muppet are here for dinner... we are not going walking now as I feel ikkkk. NO ENERGY at all.
Miss Muppet got her nickname from Lacy, she called her 'Muppet' during her pregnancy and I just added the 'Miss'.
MRS C. ... I'm good at hiding 'it' eh ... *smiles*
**** MAC IS ON HIS WAY!!!! Coco and Mac will make babies tonight... how exciting. ****
Mac and Coco had a lovely time... and now we wait to see if we have puppies on the way... and how many!
Exciting stuff... lol !
End of Day: another day with up's and down's... but on a whole a good day.
nite nite
Thinking of you today Chris (hugs)
ReplyDeleteI am going to the psychologist this morning as well..... have fun :)
ReplyDeleteThat hair style is awesome!
ReplyDeleteI love Pinterest, it's a great place to just zone out and dream lol.
You want an anchor on your hand? I really like the door knocker!! that is super duper!! and the hair...I love the hair. Get Bex to do it for you! very cute!! ...debbie
ReplyDeleteI'm loving the hairstyle, the tat, and the knocker!!!! I was awake from 2am until 4am I was trying to go back to sleep christ knows what woke me!!!! BUT I was geting cross with myself I got up went to loo, got back up had drink, got up found cough medicine, got up found notebook decided as a last resort to go on comp late at night the screen seems to zonk me out!! but alas I fell asleep instead woke at 7.30am groggy tired and behind the eight ball, have since done 4 loads washing sheets and towels AS SUNSHINE finally!!! vaccummed had shower NOW suddenly tired WONDER WHY!
ReplyDeletei love that hair!
ReplyDeleteSounds like the morning from hell after the night from hell.
ReplyDeleteMaybe you will get time for a nana nap before the kids get home from school.
Thanks for sharing re your doctors visit. I think many of us could relate and by you sharing you are helping me for one, as I feel much like this at times and can use some insight. Have a lovely walk this afternoon :), lucky you seeing your grand baby and daughter. Cheers Glenys
ReplyDeleteJust curious - where did the nickname Miss. Muppet come from?
ReplyDeleteThat pinterest picture is great!
ReplyDeleteI think the whole eating/self love thing is like a circle. The more you love yourself the better care of your body and self you take. Then you continue looking after yourself because it feels so darn good.
If you have to fake it til you make it in the beginning, then so be it.
Hope you get your nana nap.
A nana nap and a bit of sunshine... I tell ya, even this bit of sun has cheered me up no end. I usually love winter but boy, it really starts to get you down after a while... Soak up the Vit D while it's here!
ReplyDeleteKate (Rogers)
Poor Chickee. Hope you have/had a good nanna nap. Hope you get your head around giving yourself permission to be happy soon. xoxo
ReplyDeletePS I love the door handle too....if you find them, let me know & I'll do the same!
ReplyDeleteChris, I think you care about yourself a lot. Sometimes along the way, we forget how to take care of ourselves esp when you're taking care of others. Having gone down the psychologist's route, I can say this: it takes time and eventually, you and your doc will figure it out. Good luck and it's true. After each session, your head gets so wound up. Don't let it get to you. Gets better over time.
ReplyDeleteChris, I can certainly empathize with you. I've dealt with depression for a while now and have finally gotten a handle on it. Hang in there, my friend...it takes work, but it will get better...and your doctor can be a BIG help...mine was!
ReplyDeleteGreat photos from your Pinterest....that hairstyle is awesome and I LOVE that seahorse door handle! So cool!!!!
XOXO,
Cyndi
I could easily see the depression being a real problem. Even though you seem so cheerful, there is a lot going on there. :/
ReplyDelete[[[[Hugs]]]]
ReplyDeleteJust plod on through. You will come out the other side.
You sound totally exhausted. Hope you sleep well tonight.
I know you don't like the idea of cutting out grains especially wheat and limit sugar to a couple of teaspoons a day but why not give it a try for a week and see what happens. Of course winter is not a very good time to give up comfort food. You might be surprised at how much your mood becomes less changable
I can't say I'm over the moon but I no longer have the low moods. Wheat etc definitely affected me negatively.
Do think about giving it a try.
Blessings
Oh Chico will have some brothers and sisters lol
ReplyDeleteI am very sorry you're having such a time with depression. Has it occured to you that you are trying to take care of too many people? Send everyone out of your house but your immediate family. Your grown kids are old enough to fend for themselves. Including Lacy. Offer no more help, just let the kids do their own thing, and be responsible for themselves. Perhaps you just have too much on your plate. I wish you well my friend. I hope for puppies!! ...debbie
ReplyDeleteSorry to hear you were having a rough day. Your Doctor seems very perceptive I hope she can help you through this. Take care.
ReplyDelete