Her pot smoking ... (OK, I smoked pot TWICE in my early 30's), so I can't get on my high horse with this one...
Her pill popping ("It's not like I'm sticking needles in my arm Mum!" ... (like that makes it better?) Edit: SHE TOLD ME ABOUT HER PILL TAKING.
but what really really upset and shocked me was the BRANDING on her arm!!!
Her pill popping ("It's not like I'm sticking needles in my arm Mum!" ... (like that makes it better?) Edit: SHE TOLD ME ABOUT HER PILL TAKING.
but what really really upset and shocked me was the BRANDING on her arm!!!
why the hell did she feel the need to do that? She reckons she was just showing her mates she was STAUNCH... my mind just boggles. She has scarred herself DELIBERATELY! It's not like a tattoo, it's a bloody burn scar on her arm! (edit: SHE LET ME TAKE THIS PHOTO AND PUT IT ON THE BLOG, knowing I thought it was awful)So, she's going today, I am happy to have seen her of course, but just as happy to see her go! I don't 'get' her at all... she is living on a sickness benefit, before that the Dole... and I wonder if she is ever going to get her life together and become a responsible member of society and not just a drain on the welfare system? She is 28 now! At least she isn't pregnant I suppose.
TODAY:
The kids have the day off school, it's 'TEACHER ONLY' Day... just what I feel like after just having got them back to school after the holidays!
No plans yet... except get the house tidy...
Anonymous: Yes we took her babies... so yes we ENABLED her to continue her merry way....but what were our choices? Leave them with her to be neglected and end up in care? Or have them adopted out? (Edit: Lacy wasn't too happy about this bit!) THOSE were our choices.. and we chose to love and care for OUR GRANDCHILDREN, and make sure they had the very best life we could provide for them. Our daughter does EXACTLY what she wants, we have NOTHING to do with it, we do not ENABLE her to do drugs, be promiscuous, bludge on the Welfare.. those are her CHOICES... nothing we say or do will change her FREE WILL. Obviously you either have no children or have PERFECT children! Either way, I refute your claim that we are enabling her behaviour! As if! AND let me assure you, she knows there is NO WAY IN HELL we will ever take another baby in, so there! NOT enabling her in that respect either. Maybe that's why she has not had another child in 6.5 years eh?
Lacy and OUR babes.... no matter what choices you make in your life, I will always love you Lacy. And you made two GORGEOUS children.
LYNISE: Your comment made me cry, cos what you said is so bang on... I worry about the life choices Lacy is making and I worry about how her life may turn out, yet I cannot do anything about it. My door is always open to her if she wants to come home and turn her life around.
And yes, we made the choice to raise B & G for THEIR SAKES, not for Lacy's. THANK YOU for your excellent comment.
I too am gobsmacked that 'Anonymous' could be so insensitive and JUDGEMENTAL, but then not everyone is NICE eh?
Lacy and her mate have left, should be nearly home in fact by now. I have done the washing, dishes, vacumed the entire house, rearranged Brylee's bedroom, fed the kids, bla bla bla. Anything to keep busy.... I am expecting (?) a phone call from the Estate Agent sometime today about the viewers who came through the other day... trying NOT to get my hopes up. Had them dashed too many times already....Update.. they love the house, they cannot afford the house.. back to square one. GUTTED.
End of Day: well, it's been interesting, and so very nice to read everyone's comments! Some of you said a few 'choice' things that I would have liked to say...
NSV: yep, on track.... got no exercise though. Will try harder to get the balances right. nite nite.
I to have both kids home, Chris cause he does not go to school on Friday and Steph has a sore throat etc.. but they can still go to their dads lol.
ReplyDeleteI've got my troubles with my oldest girl too. It is scary. Every time I'm with my daughter I am mortified by what she speaks about... and no concern that it might be upsetting to her father and I either. Sometimes I think she's putting on a show and trying to get a rise out of us... but, I fear that she is just heading where she's heading and our hands are tied and we just get to sit back and watch.
ReplyDeleteI am shocked by things but, sadly, becoming more and more less so.
I'd say hang in there... but I think you have been. You should probably give me some tips.
I have been reading your posts for awhile, your daughter will never grow up YOU dont allow her too, by raising her kids she knew you would do it, so why should she,she is still living and enjoying herself WHY should she face up to responsibilities WHEN her mummy fixes it all.YOU need to be tough and make her face consequences for her own actions..
ReplyDeleteI think it is great that you look after your grandkids! you are giving them a much better start to life than if they stayed with their "mother"
ReplyDeleteNo you are not enabling. Enabling is when they rely on you in some way to continue their bad ways and she does not even live in the same city. You don't financially prop her up. You don't support her in anyway. All you did is what I would do (or many grandmothers for that matter). My mother did the exact same thing to my sister's two children.
ReplyDeleteI do think you would have to say no if it happened again though... more for your sake than hers. Have a good day :)
I wonder where she gets her rebellious streak..... hmmm wouldnt be slightly from you now would it Chris... I know you arent quite tht bad... haha.. but she is obviously a strong minded woman...
ReplyDeleteJust managed to get in with the wrong crowd.... As if it is your fault how she has turned out... pfffttt... We cant always mould our children into what WE want them to be unfortunately...
Fingers crossed that the lady can convince her husband on your house!!!
Chat soon aye Chris!
As a mother and nana I would do exactly the same. We can only guide our kids, show them right from wrong and then it's up to them - and let's face it, some of them don't take the right route in life.
ReplyDeletei know its easy for me to say, but the 3somes, while im sure something a parent doesnt want to hear, happen often enough with the young in society.. they all seem to at least want to try it once...
ReplyDeleteditto on the pot...
but the scar, THAT in my mind at least, would be the thing id be most concerned over....thats just bizarre..
Not sure what to say about today's post and although I'm not trained in psychology (dropped out at the end of year one and changed degree's) I know I can confidently say that you are certainly not enabling Lacys' lifestyle choices.
ReplyDeleteI actually think the whole post is extremely sad as we all seek to have a life that is filled with love, security, and a sense of purpose and these things simply arn't part of a life when you make the kind of choices Lacy does.
A string of sex partners does not provide love or security as each person involved is really just using the situation to meet whatever need they have at the time.
I imagine that your daughters sense of pride in herself is pretty non existant and I wonder if she realises that its not too late to turn her life around. I guess its like weight loss in some ways, as it may be too daunting to change everything all at once. Replacing one small negetive with one small positive might be all that she is able to do initially but only she can make the decision to change.
In many ways I see alot of my own (birth) mother in Lacy and know what its like to watch a person ruin their own life in front of you.
I havn't really posted about this type of stuff on my blog but I'm a little like the Brylee in this situation, expect now I'm an adult and can see that it was certainly in my best interest that my mother decided not to parent me.
My (birth) mothers lifestyle sounds like it mirror's Lacy's, the only difference is their age. She is now 53 years old but the string of one night stands, alcohol abuse, pot smoking are all part of the way she lives.
I really hope that for Lacy's sake she comes to a point where she wants to make some changes because I can tell her first hand that its not pretty seeing a 53year old suffer and struggle due to her own lifestyle choices. Years ago my birth mother went to polytech and educated herself. She then threw it all away and has to survive on whatever work she can find. (which has always been minimum wage as she hasn't bothered to put in the effort to build up a work record or career).
I really hope that your daughter comes to a point when she realises there is no future in what she is doing as she is still young and turn her situation around if she wanted to.
To anonymous, I am totally floored by your comment to Chris that Lacy will never grow up because she doesn't allow her too. What an incredible statement to make about a person who lives several hundred km away and has minimal contact.
Do you really think that if B and G had been given to a stranger that Lacy would have suddenly changed her ways?
Did you bother to ask Chris if she had taken the children as a favour to Lacy or if they had taken them for the childrens sake? I am sure you will find that its that latter and to jump back on a parent and tell them they are enabling a 27 year old adult who lives 5 hours drive away astounds me.
All I can say Chris, is that I think you are a wonderful person for taking on the responsibility of B & G, and that no matter what you do, you can't change Lacy (which you know)and the way she is...
ReplyDeleteHoping that you did enjoy the time spent with Lacy.... and as for the branding, its not much worse than a tattoo really...
To anonymous - you obviously haven't been reading Chris' blog for too long, or else you wouldn't have made the comment you did.
I've never met you, but I think you're an awesome person, and would love to have you as my mum!!
tracyI have just read the comment by Anonymous - I am sorry but why is it people who say stuff like that never have the balls to at least put their name to it??
ReplyDeleteIf you Stew had not taken Griffin & Brylee, I dread to think what may happen to them. It must be really hard to watch your child make decisions that you think are destructive & stupid but you cannot do anything about them.
Lacy is still young, there is still hope for her, one day, she may decide that enough is enough, what she is doing is not making her happy. Maybe the fact that she has come for a visit is a good sign, it will give her a chance to see that she has support and love from her family if she wants it.
Have a lovely weekend.
For what it's worth i think you and your husband are very brave and giving people. You did what was best for your grandchildren, you have provided them with a loving stable home and it is obvious from the pics that you are doing a wonderful job with them. I definately don't think you are enabling Lacy to do whatever she wants. She is a 28 year old woman, with a mind of her own and she lives hours away. Enabling would be having her live with you and letting her carry on doing whatever she wants, whilst funding her lifestyle.
ReplyDeleteBig hugs Chris, you are doing a great job
Oh Chris... I am so sorry that "Anonymous" left that nasty comment.
ReplyDeleteI'm on the sidelines in my daughter's life and watching her make bad decision after bad decision. This has only been going on since January... but I have cried buckets of tears. I've laid awake at night and frantically tried to figure out why. The pain of it is breathtaking. You've been doing this for a long time. Even with where I am, I can't imagine how difficult it has been for you.
Those children are very blessed. It was in their best interest for you to take them and care for them. You obviously love them very much and want the best for them. They absolutely would NOT have been better off to have been dumped into a child welfare system.
I want to tell you about my aunt. She got into drugs when she was a teenager. She had one daughter when she was very young... I don't remember her age but I think she was 20. Her husband was a wife beater and put her in the hospital and they divorced. My aunt got into heroine. She married another two times... one of the guys was really nice. My cousin actually ended up being taken care of by a good family of no relation most of the time. My aunt went through many treatment programs. She stole from my grandmother several times. It was years and years of heartache. She put her daughter through hell.
When she was in her early forties she was arrested for perscription drug fraud. She had to go through yet another treatment program. This time, however, she was diagnosed as being bipolar. They got her on the proper meds and she was finally able to concentrate on the rest of her treatment.
She ended up going to college and graduated when she was 50 years old. She is now a counselor helping others with their addictions. Her relationship with her daughter has been restored and is beautiful. She has two beautiful granddaughters and is a wonderful grandma.
I don't know how many more years you have to go through this kind of stuff with your daughter... I don't know how many I have either. My aunt's life story gives me hope though.
I hope "Anonymous" comes back to see what everyone has to say here. And Anonymous, if you are reading this, you should be ashamed of your judgmental cowardice. Maybe it is time that you took a long look in the mirror and took stock of the type of person you are and the pain that your words here have brought. I don't know who you are or where you are but people who leave these kinds of comments on other's blogs but don't reveal themselves have their own issues. I pray that if you are unhappy... lonely... or afraid that God would bring someone into your life to help you deal with those issues.
Ahhhhhh isn't Lynise a sweetie, she always knows what to say.
ReplyDeleteI totally agree with her and I think B & G are very lucky to have someone like you and Stew in their lives to do what Lacy was unable to do (whether it was choice or not).
Ignore anonymous, they weren't standing in your shoes when you had to make those decisions.
It really makes me wonder why people think they have the right to make comments like that *shrug*.
Any news on what happened with those people who viewed your home for the 3rd time???? I have everything crossed for you mate.
We have had our's on for just over 2 months and nothing so we are looking at dropping our price next week (bugger!!!!!). Just gotta move on and be a family again.
Ahhhhhhh pot - yep I remember those days....hehehehe
Thank god for parents like you and Stew.Your children are still your children, no matter what they do, you still love them and still hope they will learn from their role models.
ReplyDeletewow I skip away for a few hours and all kinds of things happen...
ReplyDeletejust my take here... but chris you are so totally a great parent and what you are doing for the GRANDchildren is very very wonderful... you are far from enabeling your daughter if anything you have detached with love and are doing all you can to show he you love her but you will NOT put up with her sex drugs and craziness in your home ...
I applaude you and stew~
as for annon... I feel sorry for you if you are so blind as to think ... pfft you are not worth the time it takes me to type this out.
we all have problems at times with our kids we can only pray that what we have taught them they will come back to ...
Hugs Chris!
Don't you love how people hide behind annon comments....fucking dropkicks with no balls!
ReplyDeleteYou and Mr C are wonderful people to take in your grandchildren and really, Its not enabling your daughter it's looking out for 2 innocent children that deserve the care and love you provide, they are very lucky littles ones:)
PISS OFF ANNONMOUSE!!!!!!!!!!!!! If you've been reading for a while, don't bother commenting at all if it is to say something that you know nothing about. Fuck off and hide some more. Chris need explain nothing to losers like you.
All i can say is as a son i am so proud of what my parents have done for my sister, and anyone that dares to tell my mum that she is somehow enabling my sisters habits is a coward.
ReplyDeleteI saw first hand what would have happened to B & G if they stayed with lacy, and my parents did what every self respecting grandparents would have done in their postition.
So to anyone who thinks that they can say nasty or hurtfull comments to such wonderful parents, keep your comments to yourself, because you obviously have no idea what you are talking about!!!
I'm sorry, Chris. I think anonymous was purposely egging everyone on. I'm sure there are ways of tracking down who wrote that but I don't know what they are besides maybe sitemeter and then check the time stamps?
ReplyDeleteBless you today and I do share those prayers with the other (nice) commenters. ((hugs))
I hope you feel a lot better now mate. Don't have anything else to add to anonymous. You've broughtup all your kids the same way and once they get older they choose what path they want to go down. We can't live their lives for them but we can love them and teach them right from wrong and hope that will one day get through to them.
ReplyDeletexxx
hi Chris , I know I am a very slack commenter but today I just felt i had to. What you are doing fro B and G is fantastic these kids are getting a real chance for a good life by living with you and stew. i say good on you. and you are obvioulsy doing things right by reading No.5's comment someone who truley respects their parents. Good on you. Chris you rock Jillxx
ReplyDeletePeople only leave anonymous comments because they are gutless!!
ReplyDeleteyou know in your heart that you are a great person, mother and friend ..... I say "fuck em all!!"
Mellisa xx
I have some friends from up your way who did the same thing for their daughter. Took on her youngest (at the time, she went on to have two more) and raised her as their own. She knows that her Mum is around and her Dad. Her Mum is a druggie user and her older two children are in the care of her elder sister and the second youngest is in CYFS care and the youngest died a year or so ago of SIDS. He was 5 months old and sleeping in a portacot that was NOT short sheeted and slept on his tummy. Ironically she watched the documentary on SIDS that night but never checked him until 8am the next morning. I am not blaming her but she puts herself ahead of everyone. Her parents have tried to step in and get the other children so they can all grow up together but CYFS are one hard bunch to deal with.
ReplyDeleteI don't pity your daughter at all, she is not being ENABLED by you, she is choosing to be a drain on society and to fuck herself up and that is her choice, nothing to do with you and Stu.
Chris .....Anonymous has the problem not you and you shouldnt have had to justify yourself..some people just dont get it...I know I have and still continue to cop the shit because of my eldest....we make our own choices in life..I can see just by looking at G and B that you and Stew have done a wonderful job.... hold your head high ..I know I am have a great weekend xx
ReplyDeleteI think you are a wonderful person for taking in those little kids and giving them such a great life. I totally applaud what you did / do for them and think your attitude towards your daughters choices in life is admirable. If only other people could be as down to earth and caring as you.
ReplyDeleteHi Chris
ReplyDeleteI have also read your blog for a while. And I think you are hysterical and wonderful and honest. You aways share such wonderful things with us, the internet. I always feel like I know ya and ya kids. ;) On e thing I have always thought is "What a terrific mother" I think that it is amazing that your children can lean on you when they need to and be free to make thier own mistakes and choices. Unfortunately, the world can be a crazy place and regardless of what we do to parent our children, sometimes the power of peers and the outside of our families walls overtake who we knoe our child is or can be and unfortuantely all we can do is let them make thier chioces and do what they have to do. And just hope and pray that they find thier way and be there if you can be. You are an EXCELLENT MUM! I am sorry that someone has made you feel any less. But they couldn't even leave their name! I wonder if annonymous mum is gonna take away the internet cause she was rude?
:)~
Chris,
ReplyDeleteYou have done the right thing Chris, and done what as many of us parents/grandparents in your shoes would have done too. You have no need to justify yourself...
Bugger about the house....don't be too down ehhhhh??
Ohh your son is gorgeous chris, his comment made me all teary!
ReplyDeletei take my hat off to you and stew, you are wonderful caring people and have guaranteed B & G a wonderful start in life.
I read your post earlier today but couldn't comment from work (I think they've barred blogger comments, bastards).
ReplyDeleteFunny how people pass judgements on blogs when they only knew a small snippet of your life. What else could you do when it's your own grandkids, they are the ones that have to come first - and screw having to justify your actions to some stranger.
I wouldn't worry so much about the branding - not the sort of thing that I'd ever do but I can understand that because stuff like tattooes and piercings have become pretty much socially acceptable nowadays, people want to push it a bit further.
Some people are hell bent on self-destruction. It must be extremely diffcult on you, knowing nothing you say or do has any impact. I do not know one single parent who does not want the best for their child. "Your children are not your children. They are the sons and daughters of Life's longing for itself. They came through you but not from you and though they are with you yet they belong not to you. Kahlil Gibran"
ReplyDeleteWhat a giving soul you are, raising your grandchildren. NOW THAT'S A MOTHER'S LOVE. ((HUGS))
Sounds like your daughter is very lucky to have you as her momma.
ReplyDeleteYou are one impressive lady...
Hallie
Wow.
ReplyDeleteSorry about Lacy. I hope my kids don't turn out like that, but I would also love them if they did.
ReplyDeleteAnonymous can suck it. I just simply applaud you. xo.
ReplyDeleteYou're the kind of Mom everybody should have. I'd let you adopt me. :-) How's your cooking? LOL
ReplyDeleteYou know I am such an infrequent blogger and moreso commenter lately but I had to say something on here.
ReplyDeleteEvery now and then people will attack stronger people when they show a chink in their armour. not just any chink but one that they feel they have superior knowledge of.
Having read your rebuttal (sp?) before this actual post, I would have thought that anyone who has actually read your blog for a while would see that you had those two choices. You did what you did and moved on with your life.
In my opinion, 'enabling her' would have meant paying off loans, getting her out of trouble on a consistent basis, handing over rent money all the time etc etc. I have no doubt that after her last child was born you said "ENOUGH! This will NOT happen again!"
Your life has changed in a massive way because of your daughters mistakes. Only an ignorant person would overlook that to cast such a judgemental stone.
Chris, I have met you and can say with confidence that I KNOW you had no option but to raise those kids. And you are the most wonderful mother to them. I raise my hat to you. You are one of the most amazing people I have ever met.
ReplyDeleteAnon knows NOTHING.