Saturday, May 17, 2014

PULLING ME FINGER OUT.....

AGAIN.

My plan for today?

1.  Look after Dante as Steve is at work and Bex has a Playcentre course to attend all day.

2.  Sit down with Stew and devise a comprehensive PLAN ... to start devoting time and effort into getting our health back in line.
That will involve resolutions NOT to fall into emotional eating, no matter how much shit comes our way.


This must happen, because I have quite simply LOST THE PLOT big time.
My diabetes is worse than it's ever been.  And of course I know why.

I told the Doctor yesterday that I knew I could turn the numbers around very simply.  But I had to WANT to.

I had to start putting my health and well being FIRST .... which is a fairly hard thing to do when there's all sorts of other stuff going on that just upsets me and makes me self medicate with.... ANYTHING  and EVERYTHING I can shove in me bloody gob.

WHY ?  WHY ?   I damn well know it's not doing me any good... yet I do it anyway.
I have this voice in me head which says "who the hell cares, I sure in hell don't".

It's a 'coping mechanism' obviously.  But it's not helping.  It just makes me feel worse, and I get all crabby and grab another biscuit!

I am just so angry at myself all the time, even when I'm actually EATING the shit I shouldn't, I'm having this conversation in me head...  I'll just have this last naughty meal... then tomorrow.....

only tomorrow becomes today, and I do it all again.

I sometimes think of joining Weight Watchers again, but I feel such a bloody failure I just can't face going back there again.

Yet I know I have to be accountable.  
So, I'm going to start afresh ...

TODAY

I am going to try my damn HARDEST to get back into the groove, and do my thing.  I know I can.
I WANT TO.

I really do.

P.S.  Coco is doing really well!  Almost back to her frisky self.  And HUNGRY.  Lucky tart can eat anything and still stays the same!  I might come back as a dog...

but never a cat.  *smiles*

ONWARD...

BEE:  good on ya.  Some people do need that extra help ... unfortunately I cannot have surgery.

I have a 'bleeding' problem and any internal surgery would be a huge risk for me.  
Losing weight is not worth potentially dying!

Sorry I've not been 'around' my blog today.  I literally had a fizzle out!  I feel asleep in the morning, and again this afternoon!  Could NOT keep my eyes open.  This the upset of the week caught up with me big time.


We did go out for a little while at midday, but after walking the length of Sylvia Park we were done.  Came home and just chilled out all afternoon.


Kelly, Gordon and Rena popped in late afternoon.  They came up a bought a car for Kelly, as her's was written off on Monday.

She's hobbling around on a crutch due to muscle bruising of her leg.

Stew is cooking dinner tonight, so I shall just sit and wait for it to be served up.  


We did sit down this morning and discuss our diets.  Portion control and not snacking/indulging in crap food is something we both agreed was the way for us to go.  I also think we need to cut back on processed carbs, but not totally eliminate them.

I am going to add exercise into my morning routine, even if it's just walking on the treadmill for 45 minutes.  

It might take me a little while to get my time UP to 45 minutes though... but I have to start somewhere.

LYNDA:  if my head was in the right space right now, I would probably be happy to listen to your thoughts.  But, I don't think it is.

I need to get my thoughts and feelings sorted out first.
I know you have good intentions, thanks for that.

I truly believe once the external stresses ease, both Stew and I will bounce back in a more positive frame of mind.


***  Comments .... are not being published when some of you leave them because there is an issue with Hotmail.  Lots of my email alerts pertaining to comments left are being delayed.  BUT, they do eventually show up and then I publish them. ***


End of Day:  a weird day.  Just felt SO TIRED all day!
And yep, a bit down.
But, tomorrow is another day.  Another day to try and 'snap out of it' and get me mo jo back.
nite nite

20 comments:

  1. I have pre diabetes. Lost 56 kilos, because I got professional help with food addictions. Maybe get psychological help first. It really does help.

    ReplyDelete
  2. You can do it mum . We all know you can and will give you as much support as possible. Love you

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  3. I share you problem with food. Type 2 for 11 yrs and what I eat does effect my sugar levels. I am at the stage where insulin may be my next step if I can't improve my levels. I am trying very very hard but stress makes me make poor choices.

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  4. Totally know where you are coming from. I made the decision last year to have weightloss surgery. Huge change to my life. Some people think its the easy way out but its a personal choice and its one I'm very happy with. I have struggled with my weight my whole life and decided now I'm in my mid 30s I didn't want to wake up everyday and hate myself and feel like a failure because I couldn't do it without help.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Anonymous10:01 AM

      Your Algds chick we all have our ways and no one is going to judge you, just continue being your happy self and yea keep posting on my ma's blog :-) from Lacy :-)

      Delete
  5. I'm here to support you to chris . You know what works for you as Nike' says ...Just do it.....😊. sometimes easier said than done as we well know. But your health is at stake this time and it's great that stew is going to do it too...

    ReplyDelete
  6. First, I hope some things settle down and sort out in a positive way so you don't have so much stress to try to soothe. Second, whatever is happening I know you have it in you to take better care of yourself than you have been lately 'cause you have done it before.

    ReplyDelete
  7. Anonymous11:53 AM

    Hi

    Maybe you could access a dietian (maybe free?) as you have diabetes this might be available to you and go once a fortnight to be accountable? less stress than having to go to meetings each week etc....

    I am trying to be "good" again myself...

    Cheers Peta

    ReplyDelete
  8. join this group that paulene has made...you already know most of us, great group with lots of support..https://www.facebook.com/groups/189087697940762/?fref=nf

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Lee: I tried to find that group on Facebook, but I couldn't find it with that link.

      Delete
  9. Yes as always start with yourself I think your family expect too much from you at times and forget there is JUST YOU. Once Stews future is more certain that of course will help IF you had a job paying that took you out of the house that may help? how about everytime you think of BAD food choices do burpees or starjumps like attach a number to each bad food CHOCOLATE 20 starjumps cake 15 starjumps etc etc or each bad food 5 mins on treadmill or any of the exercise equipment you have and then back upstairs and starjumps...... worth a shot?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Anonymous2:51 PM

      Sorry I think ma knew there would be a reply to your comment about us expecting to much of our Mum....in a way you are right but wrong...we all no there is only one of her and we all do appreciate our Mother wether we have a funny way of showing it or not, but yes, I aswell as my siblings would do anything for our family if we could....

      Delete
  10. I'm feeling so sad for you with all your health issues. Diabetes can be a dreadful disease if not controlled. I've written you three emails but not sent them for fear that you'll think I'm trying to tell you what to do. I do have some answers for you and would love to help or at least have a coffee and chat about it. If not then that's fine too... you know where I am, I'll leave it with you :)

    ReplyDelete
  11. Anonymous4:29 PM

    Use your blog to keep you accountable? Post your food plan and exercise plan on here each night for the next day, then you can report back and let us know how you went? - Surrey

    ReplyDelete
  12. Chris, how about if you get a really nice cookbook with recipes for diabetics, they have some beautiful recipes, get a heart foundation one, the recipes will be good for the whole family because they are just normal meals but are healthy. Here us a link to some recipes ,Diabetes Friendly Diet Recipes collection - www.taste.com.au
    www.taste.com.au/recipes/collections/diabetes+friendly
    Australian Good Taste. Living with diabetes can be a challenge, but these tasty recipes make it easier, and the whole ... Diabetes-friendly steamed ginger fish.

    ReplyDelete
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  14. Your Palmy friends are always here to support you, and in turn you can support us! Maybe a challenge going with us all.... not a weight loss one, but one aimed to eat better.. Just a thought - when you supermarket shop try to cut out the goodies, e.g I buy treats for the grandkids but things I don't personally like so I'm not tempted. Also get who ever is cooking to try some recipes as above. Good luck Chris, you can do it!

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  15. I agree with Magpie that perhaps you could try new recipes - low glycemic tastes just as good. Don't forget that fat does not spike blood sugar at all so if you cut back processed carbs you can have a little more fat. The old thinking of "low fat" will just make you hungry. I don't expect you to do what I've done but there are sure some little changes that you could make. I make delicious low carb desserts for when I need something sweet or yummy. No guilt at all :) You are a great cook and have the time to experiment with recipes that are both really good for you and taste great. Good luck )

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  16. I think you should look after you and Stew first. If the others in the house don't like the healthy recipes, tough luck. You can make beautiful food with healthy ingredients. Lynda is right, you don't have to go low fat completely. Olive oil is so good for you, if you eat cheese, buy hood quality and enjoy, the answer is eat well, don't go hungry, Chris, you can do this, just change your way of eating gradually, you will feel better and loose weight, but most of all your diabetes will be more under control. Make it about getting healthy and we'll more so than fast weight loss.

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  17. once again mum YOU CAN DO IT and YOU TO DAD.....love you both so much and would love to see you both happy and healtyh....

    ReplyDelete

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